"We don 't believe in that [WOHM]"

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2005
"We don 't believe in that [WOHM]"
2078
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 11:31am

On Friday, as I was driving hom from work, I stumbled across an interview with the wife of the one surviving miner from the collapse in WVa. In the course of the interview, someone asked her if she worked.

Her response was that they don't believe in that. She explained that her husband was very proud of the fact that he was the sole supporter of the family, and that he didn't need her help in supporting them. She explained that they just don't believe in women working after they have kids and husbands, and that they believe her place is at home with the kids.

My heart really goes out to her, and this post isn't about her, but about the sentiment that women shouldn't work because their place is at home. And being a real man, even if it means working in dangerous conditions, long hours, holding two jobs and being a step away from poverty at every turn, means that your wife doesn't work.

I suppose this is the first time that I've heard someone, not a movie character or a character in a book, express this sentiment. I don't understand why anyone would be proud to limit their spouse's potential. Or why be proud that you live right on the poverty line?

If they didn't see the dangers of their POV before, surely that entire community, and even the whole country, has now seen the risk that we talk about on here all the time, the risk that suddenly the SAHM will need to find a way to financially support the family. I wonder if anyone will re-think what they believe in.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
And as an attorney who has spent the last three days listening to the Alitto hearings (in the background as I worked), where a constant line of questioning was power to be above the law (since in the past few years we have seem to relax our views on the need to follow the law), I am very concerned for our rule of law with a law enforcement officer's wife saying that there are instances where she would not care if there was a valid warrant or not. That is a very slippery slope.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
The difference is that "SAH to raise my kids" implies something about the right or wrong way to raise kids, while to say "I'd be bored" or "I'm not a homemaker" implies nothing about how well one's kids are being raised but only a POV regarding one's *own* preferred way of spending one's time.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Yes I would say most men would want their wives to be home. However just because there is a want there doesn't mean that is what they demand or expect. I can tell you that it is up to the individual couple. My DH and I talked about it before we got married. He and I had decided that I would SAH when we had kids. It is something he really liked the idea of, however if I would have wanted to work that would have been fine for him too. It isn't about him being insecure at all. I think that may be the case for some men but not all by any means. I find it sad that your DH told you he wouldn't be attracted to someone that wanted to be a SAHM. So would that mean after you had kids and just one day decided that you really wanted to SAH with your kids he would lose interest in you? That to me is insecurity. Being a SAHM, WAHM, WOHM, whatever shouldn't have anything to do with being attractive whatsoever IMHO.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
Technicallity to get off on would not exisit if officers would accept the law and work to follow it instead of having an attitude that all the laws protecting our due process and freedoms are a pain in their butts.
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Avatar for ahlmommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Try going to a dept store. It BOGGLES MY MIND that clothes are in sizes 4-16. Umm...a 4yr old wearing what a 13-14 yr old would wear? UNREAL. Then we have stores that cater to teens...Wet Seal, Rave, Abercrombie etc...Unreal..see through, low cut...makes me sick.
Avatar for ahlmommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Well it is funny that I have been slammed here for not using the correct words here because one can't read my implications, etc. However when I say I SAH to raise my kids they automatic know the implication. It is very confusing. Since some of the WOHM here think that it is derogatory and I have clearly stated that I am not even thinking of what they do, that means I am saying it with no ill will. I know many WOHM that WOH to raise their kids. They work to be able to send their children to a private school that they prefer etc. I respect that 100% and it doesn't offend me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
No, she didn't misunderstand the question, she misunderstood the intent. She made her answer snarky because she thought the original question was being snarky, when it wasn't.
Avatar for ahlmommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
You forgot...I would be bored...I would have my housework done by 10am and then just sit and enjoy a book while Jr sleeps.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
LOL.. Well, the minute my taxes become more complicated than punching in W-2 info a,d hitting enter, I will have someone else do it! Actually, when we had to do a Schedule C and all that for dh's business, I did it myself but had an accountant check it.
Avatar for ahlmommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003

Let's put it this way. It sounds like this if I flipped it.

I couldn't work all day and be away from my children. It would make me crazy not knowing what is going on all day with my DC. I can imagine leaving a small baby all day long for 8 or more hours a day. It just makes me feel so horrible that I leave my child in the hands of someone else for some many hours per week. I just couldn't take it.

HOwever...I will say I respect that mindset of the WOHP. I hear them loud and clear. I know SAH isn't for everyone and nor should it be. It is all individual. What I was trying to do here is explain how...A SAHM saying I stay at home to raise my kids is derogatory to some WOHM...just as a WOHM saying I would be bored yadda yadda is to some SAHM.

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