"We don 't believe in that [WOHM]"

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2005
"We don 't believe in that [WOHM]"
2078
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 11:31am

On Friday, as I was driving hom from work, I stumbled across an interview with the wife of the one surviving miner from the collapse in WVa. In the course of the interview, someone asked her if she worked.

Her response was that they don't believe in that. She explained that her husband was very proud of the fact that he was the sole supporter of the family, and that he didn't need her help in supporting them. She explained that they just don't believe in women working after they have kids and husbands, and that they believe her place is at home with the kids.

My heart really goes out to her, and this post isn't about her, but about the sentiment that women shouldn't work because their place is at home. And being a real man, even if it means working in dangerous conditions, long hours, holding two jobs and being a step away from poverty at every turn, means that your wife doesn't work.

I suppose this is the first time that I've heard someone, not a movie character or a character in a book, express this sentiment. I don't understand why anyone would be proud to limit their spouse's potential. Or why be proud that you live right on the poverty line?

If they didn't see the dangers of their POV before, surely that entire community, and even the whole country, has now seen the risk that we talk about on here all the time, the risk that suddenly the SAHM will need to find a way to financially support the family. I wonder if anyone will re-think what they believe in.

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Avatar for ahlmommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
If that is what you read that is not what I meant. We were clearly talking about the warrantless wire tapping etc that Bush has proposed. I don't see it as being that big of a deal. Someone can see it differently and I respect that. I am the daughter of a LEO and the wife of one. Both outstanding police officers with stellar records. My DH is so TYPE A it is annoying. My father didn't do the line of work my DH does. He was never an investigator...he went directly to supervising. THe dept was about 200 cops when my dad started...and now is well over 800. Moving up is a lot slower pace.
Avatar for ahlmommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Well then elaborate on...It is mind numbing, and I would be bored all day.
Avatar for ahlmommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
It isnt about being a pain in the butt. Arresting a Drunk driver isn't a pain in the butt. Writing the report is. Getting a warrant isn't a pain in the butt. Getting the warrant and the suspect flees is a pain in the butt. See the difference? That is why I don't see that big of a deal of warrantless searches with probable cause.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Those are not the only exmaples I gave. However, what you are hearing as an implication is just that..your implication. I am telling you that as a sah mother I can hear the same implications in what a WOH mother states.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
Why do you think that you could not lay a foundation if your children were in Daycare. What better foundation are you laying because you are home? This is always really interesting to me. I have found in my life that the moral fiber of most children have had little to do with the work status of their parents. I have also found that most children's level of success has little to do with work status of parents. But I really do want to know what foundation you think you are laying? Could you explain.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
First of all, why do you think most men want their wives at home? You have not answered that. Second you jumped right to the conclusion I tried to guard against with my DH's statement. He would have no trouble finding me attractive if I stayed at home. What he finds unattractive are women who in college would say "I can't wait to have kids and stay home" or women who automatically have determined they are just bidding time until staying home with kids. And I understand where he is coming from. In his mind women who he has met who have made such statements seem to want to be supported more than be at home with their children and that is unattractive to him.
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Avatar for ahlmommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003

Not her but I think I will say this.

What better foundation are you laying because you are at work?

For me...It was about age. I know children grow up and you have to let go. I wanted my children to be home with me up until age 2. At which time I began to socialize them by putting them in preschool part time. When they were 2 I did 2 days and 3 I did 3 days, etc. I also know that in my line of work I could not have had the time I wanted with my children. My DH and I both had crazy schedules and I didn't think having a nanny or putting them in DC for more than 40 hours per week was good for our family. Everyone is different...that is what this is all about.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005

<>

For me and my family, I felt the need to be the one at home while my children were younger. I am talking about a moral, religous and family foundation. I never said I could not do it (or that anyone else could not do it) in daycare. *I* felt I could do it better while at home. It is where I felt at the time I belonged. I have never stated that the only way to do it is at home.

<< What better foundation are you laying because you are home?>>

I never stated *better*. I stated I felt that I (meaning me and me alone) could do it better with me at home.

<< This is always really interesting to me. I have found in my life that the moral fiber of most children have had little to do with the work status of their parents. I have also found that most children's level of success has little to do with work status of parents.>>

And once again, please quote me on where I stated this in my post. I have no illusion that my children are somehow "better" b/c I sah. that is the inference that you are making not me. In my dd's class, I cannot tell you whose parents work or whose parents do not work. However, since I felt miserable when I was working, I was not being the best parent I could be. Every stage in my life has been different. Before I had children, I held 3 different jobs. I loved working at most of my jobs. But, once I had my first dd, I did not feel right going back to work. Now I am the ONLY one in my family who has not returned to work right away (except for my sister). We never talk about it at all. It is just a given that eveyrone feels differently.

<< But I really do want to know what foundation you think you are laying? Could you explain.>>

Read above statement.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
As a mom, it's a good idea to try to understand the difference between what benefits one's kids and what benefits oneself. They're not always the same thing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
"warrantless wire tapping etc that Bush has proposed". Not proposed. Has been engaging in for the past 4 years in direct violation of the 1978 Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act. Hmm, breaking a law. I thought you as a wife and daughter of LEO would be upset with the breaking of a law.
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