"We don 't believe in that [WOHM]"
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| Mon, 01-09-2006 - 11:31am |
On Friday, as I was driving hom from work, I stumbled across an interview with the wife of the one surviving miner from the collapse in WVa. In the course of the interview, someone asked her if she worked.
Her response was that they don't believe in that. She explained that her husband was very proud of the fact that he was the sole supporter of the family, and that he didn't need her help in supporting them. She explained that they just don't believe in women working after they have kids and husbands, and that they believe her place is at home with the kids.
My heart really goes out to her, and this post isn't about her, but about the sentiment that women shouldn't work because their place is at home. And being a real man, even if it means working in dangerous conditions, long hours, holding two jobs and being a step away from poverty at every turn, means that your wife doesn't work.
I suppose this is the first time that I've heard someone, not a movie character or a character in a book, express this sentiment. I don't understand why anyone would be proud to limit their spouse's potential. Or why be proud that you live right on the poverty line?
If they didn't see the dangers of their POV before, surely that entire community, and even the whole country, has now seen the risk that we talk about on here all the time, the risk that suddenly the SAHM will need to find a way to financially support the family. I wonder if anyone will re-think what they believe in.

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I feel that sah benefited both my children and me.
Are you somehow suggesting that my kids are being deprived of something b/c I sah?
Is there a difference? I have no idea and I do not care what other people do. There is a lot more to parenting that sah or woh. YOu can be a sucky parent no matter what your work status is.
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So how do you handle their being in school all day? Sometimes I don't see mine for 10 hours straight, what with school, orchestra rehearsal, and soccer. But the way I look at it, it's to their credit, and to mine, that they can carry on that long without me.
Ok I have to get this straight.
He thinks any woman that WANTS to SAH after she has kids and talks about her ambitions of being a mother is unattractive.
YET you find men that want their wives to SAH weak and scared of independent women?
Talk about implications here. WOW!
I have to tell you that if my DH told me...YOU WILL SAH when we have kids I would have RAN. Just as I would have ran if he said he found women that want to be SAHM unattractive. I can tell you that I wanted to be a SAHM when we had kids. I was probably one of the most independent women you will meet. I didn't marry until my late 20's. I had my own home, my own car, and did everything myself. I had established myself and did very well long before I got married. Quitting my job and SAH when our son was born didn't make me weak or unattractive to my DH. Isn't that what the women's movement is all about? Women's choices?
I think many men find the SAHW appealing. Some men like being the sole supporter, some like knowing that their kids are home with mom. Just because I think men in general like the idea of having a SAHM for a wife doesn't mean that is the best option. Just like...I love the idea of having a New BMW convertible...doesn't mean that I am going to do it or be disappointed because I didn't get it.
Well, I am a sah parent and I am telling you what I hear when I hear those comments. I am not sure how I am wrong since it is all based on implication. How is what I am hearing and feeling when i hear those statements wrong?
When a WOH mother states to me "I did not want to waste my college education", I am hearing "I am too smart to sah". That somehow she is above me b/c she works.
It is stupid and I do not let it get to me at all. I think most of these statements that mothers make to each other are stupid and I tend to ignore it,.
Thank you for your answer. That gives me a batter idea of what you are about. Usually I will hear peole say "I SAH because I want to instill my values not have DC raise my children". And I always found that interesting. I was "raised" by dc and I only know the valuses and morals that my parents tried to instill. So, I am always interested in why people feel that they will lose their influence on morals and values of their children by putting their infants in dc.
I just wanted to understand where you were coming from.
Thanks
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