"We don 't believe in that [WOHM]"

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2005
"We don 't believe in that [WOHM]"
2078
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 11:31am

On Friday, as I was driving hom from work, I stumbled across an interview with the wife of the one surviving miner from the collapse in WVa. In the course of the interview, someone asked her if she worked.

Her response was that they don't believe in that. She explained that her husband was very proud of the fact that he was the sole supporter of the family, and that he didn't need her help in supporting them. She explained that they just don't believe in women working after they have kids and husbands, and that they believe her place is at home with the kids.

My heart really goes out to her, and this post isn't about her, but about the sentiment that women shouldn't work because their place is at home. And being a real man, even if it means working in dangerous conditions, long hours, holding two jobs and being a step away from poverty at every turn, means that your wife doesn't work.

I suppose this is the first time that I've heard someone, not a movie character or a character in a book, express this sentiment. I don't understand why anyone would be proud to limit their spouse's potential. Or why be proud that you live right on the poverty line?

If they didn't see the dangers of their POV before, surely that entire community, and even the whole country, has now seen the risk that we talk about on here all the time, the risk that suddenly the SAHM will need to find a way to financially support the family. I wonder if anyone will re-think what they believe in.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
I don't believe I laying a better foundation. I am laying my foundation which includes everyone contributing to the family in how my family defines it. I am laying my foundation of service to my community and activism. And I am not sure I would be able to lay those foundations while being at home since my time at home was disatourous.
Photobucket
Avatar for ahlmommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Ummm again that was a HYPOTHETICAL. I didn't say that applied to me. So I can't answer your question. You can try asking someone that does feel that way. It isn't me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005

You are welcome. I am actually in the minority where I live. So, I see both sides of the coin very easily. I only know a few women who sah. Basically, I just really like sah for now. I have no illusion that once my youngest is in kindergarten I am going back to work. I could not sah all day while the kids are in school.

My whole reason for sah is b/c of me. I do not have some grand theory about sah v. woh.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
But not with much success, I'm afraid. You seem to suggest that a comment about how best to raise one's kids is just as innocuous as one about how one likes to pass the time as an adult. And they're just not the same to most people.
Avatar for ahlmommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Good...That is a great answer for you. However myself...I feel that being home with my kids until they are all in school is important. Not better than you nor you better than me...Just different. My time at home isn't disasterous.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005

<>

That is how I felt when I first went back to work. It was a disaster for me. So, I can definitely understand the need to do what makes the mother happy as well as the children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004

Why would I suggest you're depriving your kids? My point is that a phrase like "SAH to raise my kids" suggests that a WOHP might be depriving their kids. Not necessarily by all, but definitely by some.

Edited for spelling.




Edited 1/13/2006 1:02 pm ET by sabinamarianne
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005

Obviously probable cause plays a part but much of the survillance lacks what would meet the standards for probable cause.

And a tax attorney with a speciliaty in ERISA Employee Benefits. Probable cause has not played a part in my life since my bar exam.

Photobucket
Avatar for ahlmommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When I hear...I would have all my housework done by 10am and I can relax and read while Jr sleeps is just silly. To think that SAHM read and relax while the kids nap is almost funny. I must say...If I had one child I might be able to get in a book. However I have 3. Sitting and reading a book is so far down the line I can't even imagine.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
ITA, it's at least semi-rude to say to someone, "I didn't go to college to SAH" unless you know for sure it wouldn't offend. But it would only be a criticism of the parent in question as a person, and not as a parent. It doesn't carry the implication that her kids are somehow at risk.

Pages