"We don 't believe in that [WOHM]"

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2005
"We don 't believe in that [WOHM]"
2078
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 11:31am

On Friday, as I was driving hom from work, I stumbled across an interview with the wife of the one surviving miner from the collapse in WVa. In the course of the interview, someone asked her if she worked.

Her response was that they don't believe in that. She explained that her husband was very proud of the fact that he was the sole supporter of the family, and that he didn't need her help in supporting them. She explained that they just don't believe in women working after they have kids and husbands, and that they believe her place is at home with the kids.

My heart really goes out to her, and this post isn't about her, but about the sentiment that women shouldn't work because their place is at home. And being a real man, even if it means working in dangerous conditions, long hours, holding two jobs and being a step away from poverty at every turn, means that your wife doesn't work.

I suppose this is the first time that I've heard someone, not a movie character or a character in a book, express this sentiment. I don't understand why anyone would be proud to limit their spouse's potential. Or why be proud that you live right on the poverty line?

If they didn't see the dangers of their POV before, surely that entire community, and even the whole country, has now seen the risk that we talk about on here all the time, the risk that suddenly the SAHM will need to find a way to financially support the family. I wonder if anyone will re-think what they believe in.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Probable cause is not a free pass. Probable cause is something like seeing a bag of drugs on the back seat of someone car, or seeing someone drag a woman by her hair into their house. You can't put in a wiretap with probable cause.
Avatar for ahlmommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Hmmm lacks? Isnt that subjective?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
My main reason for SAH is my dh. While I don't have a problem with DC, he does.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
Yeah, I see. When I was at home I ended up on the couch feeling overwhelmingly cutoff and incapable and unaccomplished. Even when I did accomplish things it felt unrewarding. I was unhappy and crying most nights and I wasn't even sure why just that the wall of my home felt like a prison (however this shouldn't have been a surprise my mother has always said she had to nail me down from the time I was born to keep me in the house - I was always away for as long as possible). And I was really mean to my DH. My DD was always asking me why I was sad and was I sick. At one point we all realized me at home was doing nobody any good. After I went back, my DD said one day - mommy I like your office it makes us happy.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
That expression about housework, while I have heard it, isn't nearly as common as the one about SAH to raise my kids. But ITA, I never found that much leisure time on my days off when my kids were little, so more power to those who can pull that off, but it wasn't me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Didn't think it was you, since I think you mentioned you have an older child or two. But would you defend a POV like that? Since you seem to take no issue with remarks about SAH to raise one's kids? Just wondering.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005

Exactly! Only I was just the opposite. I sat in my office crying half the day and feeling miserable.

It is funny but when someone asks my oldest dd what her mommy did she stated "She is a nurse". Now I haven't worked in years and just passed my boards. But, she loves telling people that. They know i am going back to work and they are fine with it which surprised me. They know I love nursing and cannot wait to get back to work. It will be bittersweet for me but I am anxious.

I think our kids know when we are happy and it makes them happy.

Avatar for ahlmommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wanna bet? Probably cause is just that. Many shapes and forms of probable cause. For example...A driver of a car runs off the road a little or crosses over the center line because they are looking at their radio. The policeman behind you doesn't know that you were looking at your radio. That is probable cause to pull you over. See how something so innocent to one is suspicious to another?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003

Actually, I just looked it up. An officer cannot search without a warrant even with probable cause. Probable cause is what is used to get a warrant in the first place. They can only search without a warrant if there are exigent circumstances (evidence will be destroyed, or someone will be hurt) or if there is no expectation of privacy (things are in plain view, etc.) Otherwise, they need a warrant.

"Case law has maintained that until an arrest has occured, law enforcement are required to gain a warrant before they can effect a search. However, searches are premitted under the "plain view" and "open fields" doctrine that allow an officer to seize evidence that is located where there is no expectation of privacy. In addition, there is an exception for "exigent circumstances" where the officer reasonably believes that a suspect may destroy evidence. Otherwise, an officer can only effect a search on the basis that there is "probable cause" that a crime has been committed. What a police officer can see before an arrest is only what he/she can search. Without a warrant, the officer is breaking the laws of the constitution."

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
I don't think that's true. A WOHM is far less likely to hear it than a SAHM. And a SAHM will rarely hear "I SAH to raise my kids". I'm not sure you're in a position to say which is more likely, and neither am I.

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