"We don 't believe in that [WOHM]"

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2005
"We don 't believe in that [WOHM]"
2078
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 11:31am

On Friday, as I was driving hom from work, I stumbled across an interview with the wife of the one surviving miner from the collapse in WVa. In the course of the interview, someone asked her if she worked.

Her response was that they don't believe in that. She explained that her husband was very proud of the fact that he was the sole supporter of the family, and that he didn't need her help in supporting them. She explained that they just don't believe in women working after they have kids and husbands, and that they believe her place is at home with the kids.

My heart really goes out to her, and this post isn't about her, but about the sentiment that women shouldn't work because their place is at home. And being a real man, even if it means working in dangerous conditions, long hours, holding two jobs and being a step away from poverty at every turn, means that your wife doesn't work.

I suppose this is the first time that I've heard someone, not a movie character or a character in a book, express this sentiment. I don't understand why anyone would be proud to limit their spouse's potential. Or why be proud that you live right on the poverty line?

If they didn't see the dangers of their POV before, surely that entire community, and even the whole country, has now seen the risk that we talk about on here all the time, the risk that suddenly the SAHM will need to find a way to financially support the family. I wonder if anyone will re-think what they believe in.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998

See, that's my experience when I was a sahm.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004

I agree. Both partners have to be comfortable with whatever situation you choose.

Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005

I am trying to go back to work either in the summer or fall.

How is it going to change? Hmmm, I am not really sure anything is going to change. My kids are not going to really know the difference b/c of the hours I will be working. Also, my dh will be here when I am not. I sah when they were little b/c I thought that was best for us. However, with them being in school all day, I do not see the point of me being at home when they are not here.

I have never told my kids that I "should be" at home. They know I am going back to work and if it was really affecting them i would not do it.

I send my kids to school (I do not homeschool) so I do not have any problems with them being taught by other people. I already started the foundation and they are good kids. I have no problem with them learning from other people at this point.

I have no grand plan for the rest of my life. I take each chapter as it comes and do what I think is best. We will see.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998

But would he prefer you being at home?


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
I think it might. My sister, who is a SAHM, says it does, because it makes her feel dissed as a loser but not as a bad parent.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998

That's the reason we do it as well.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005

No. He did prefer it when they were babies (he would have sah but he made way more money than I did) and toddlers. He thought (just like I did) it was best for us. He is also fine with me going back to work. BUt, if this in anyway affects the kids (our younger dd has some minor meotional problems that I do not want to discuss on here but I thouhgt it might explain a little) he would suport me sah.

It boils down to what we feel is right at the time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
See, that's why it's such a crock to say we don't raise them while at work. They imagine us and what we'd be telling them or showing them if we were there, and they're inspired. Like guardian angels, we are ubiquitous.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998

So what will happen when you go back to work?

PumpkinAngel

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
I dunno. For me, it's hard to debate whether it's worse to be called a bad parent or a loser. They're both insulting.

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