"We don 't believe in that [WOHM]"

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2005
"We don 't believe in that [WOHM]"
2078
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 11:31am

On Friday, as I was driving hom from work, I stumbled across an interview with the wife of the one surviving miner from the collapse in WVa. In the course of the interview, someone asked her if she worked.

Her response was that they don't believe in that. She explained that her husband was very proud of the fact that he was the sole supporter of the family, and that he didn't need her help in supporting them. She explained that they just don't believe in women working after they have kids and husbands, and that they believe her place is at home with the kids.

My heart really goes out to her, and this post isn't about her, but about the sentiment that women shouldn't work because their place is at home. And being a real man, even if it means working in dangerous conditions, long hours, holding two jobs and being a step away from poverty at every turn, means that your wife doesn't work.

I suppose this is the first time that I've heard someone, not a movie character or a character in a book, express this sentiment. I don't understand why anyone would be proud to limit their spouse's potential. Or why be proud that you live right on the poverty line?

If they didn't see the dangers of their POV before, surely that entire community, and even the whole country, has now seen the risk that we talk about on here all the time, the risk that suddenly the SAHM will need to find a way to financially support the family. I wonder if anyone will re-think what they believe in.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998

Thank you for the nice explanation.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998

Yes.


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005

I am waiting for my youngest to start kindergarten which is fulltime around here. I trust that I have laid a good foundation and they are ready to be in school. My oldest loves school, is very independent (and a really good soccer player!) and is eager to learn. I am not sure if my youngest is ready for kindergarten yet (even though she is almost 5) but I want to return once she is in school.

I really do not see the point in being at home while they are in school. I will be home when they are home.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
No, it's definitely worse to also be called a bad parent. It's like "...and the horse you rode in on!"
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
You are welcome. It is funny but my dh is such a planner. I have definitely mellowed him out of the last 18 years. He has learned that life changes and our "plans" do not always work out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003

Has no problem with you being at home or wanted you to SAH?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2005

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I don't. I don't WOH "in order to raise my kids". Because I'd be raising them whether i worked or not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
TO be honest, we never talked about it in those terms. All of our decisions are mutual. So, I guess you are right, he never stated that I *must* sah. We have been together since we were 16 y.o. so those kind of conversations really never happened.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2005
Not only do they seem to want to be supported, but they appear willing to make decisions about their *joint* lives without considering the wants/needs/desires of the other people (spouse and kids) involved.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005

Now this ITA with you both. When I was in college, there were a lot of girls who went to ocllege to look for a dh to support them at home. It was not from a real desire to sah with their kids. These girls made me sick b/c it seemed they didn't care what kind of person they dated but their potential income.

That to me is way diffrent from two people mutually deciding that SAH was best for them.

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