"We don 't believe in that [WOHM]"
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| Mon, 01-09-2006 - 11:31am |
On Friday, as I was driving hom from work, I stumbled across an interview with the wife of the one surviving miner from the collapse in WVa. In the course of the interview, someone asked her if she worked.
Her response was that they don't believe in that. She explained that her husband was very proud of the fact that he was the sole supporter of the family, and that he didn't need her help in supporting them. She explained that they just don't believe in women working after they have kids and husbands, and that they believe her place is at home with the kids.
My heart really goes out to her, and this post isn't about her, but about the sentiment that women shouldn't work because their place is at home. And being a real man, even if it means working in dangerous conditions, long hours, holding two jobs and being a step away from poverty at every turn, means that your wife doesn't work.
I suppose this is the first time that I've heard someone, not a movie character or a character in a book, express this sentiment. I don't understand why anyone would be proud to limit their spouse's potential. Or why be proud that you live right on the poverty line?
If they didn't see the dangers of their POV before, surely that entire community, and even the whole country, has now seen the risk that we talk about on here all the time, the risk that suddenly the SAHM will need to find a way to financially support the family. I wonder if anyone will re-think what they believe in.

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I have met many more men who do not care one way or the other and I am pretty sure they do no have a secret desire to have a wife stay at home."
Totally agree...though most the men I know care in that they wouldnt be interested in a woman whose life goal was to be a SAHP.
I'm sure there is a type of man who insists on a SAHW...and those would be the kind of sexist backward and close minded people I'd want to avoid...
And on the flip side, I have had WOH mothers state to me "I would go nuts all day", "I didn't go to college to waste my time sitting at home", "I would find sah with my children mind-numbing", "I am not a homemaker", etc."
You've actually had WOHM's say I would find SAH with my children mind numbing -- to you in real life? Good grief.
As for "I am not a homemaker" why is *that* insulting to you? The line you use about "feeling insecure" seems to apply right back at ya here...
You've actually had WOHM's say I would find SAH with my children mind numbing -- to you in real life? Good grief.
Yep. And more than one person has stted it to me.
As for "I am not a homemaker" why is *that* insulting to you?
To me it implies that I am a homemaker. That all I do is keep house. I did NOT sah to clean my house. I hate cleaning!! I sah to be with my kids period. It had nothing to do with some 1850's notion of a mother. To me, it trivializes the reasons why I sah. Homemaking had nothing to do with it.
Well perhaps they mean...just as they say...that *they* arent homemakers. like I said...sounds like some insecurity from your side more than anything else...
"To me it implies that I am a homemaker. That all I do is keep house. I did NOT sah to clean my house. I hate cleaning!! I sah to be with my kids period. It had nothing to do with some 1850's notion of a mother. To me, it trivializes the reasons why I sah. Homemaking had nothing to do with it."
Right. Well its a term that is a catch all that also can mean literally making a home of a house. That's what my partners wife describes herself as...and having stayed at their home...and seen what she does there (its unbelievably cozy, decorated, great food, kids are very very well taken care of...dotted on really...) I can sort of understand why she uses the term. She's no June Cleaver but her house sure looks a hell of alott different than mine!
MM
Well perhaps they mean...just as they say...that *they* arent homemakers. like I said...sounds like some insecurity from your side more than anything else...
I explained why I found it offensive. I could say just the same about a sah mother stating "I sah to raise my kids". If it bothers a WOH mother maybe she is just insecure. It is what is implied. It is the way it is stated. When it was stated to me, it was done in a condescending tone. This is the same woman who was floored when I stated I had a college degree and told me what a waste. So, I was not wrong at all in taking her the wrong way. And it is even funnier b/c I am the *least* domestic person you could ever meet.
I know I am not insecure about my decision at all but, maybe you know me better.....
I explained why I found it offensive. I could say just the same about a sah mother stating "I sah to raise my kids"."
Good example. If someone says "I'm not a homemaker" they are saying that they don't feel they are one...not that you *are* one. If someone says "I sah to raise my kids" I don't automatically assume they mean I don't raise my kids by working.
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