"We don 't believe in that [WOHM]"

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2005
"We don 't believe in that [WOHM]"
2078
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 11:31am

On Friday, as I was driving hom from work, I stumbled across an interview with the wife of the one surviving miner from the collapse in WVa. In the course of the interview, someone asked her if she worked.

Her response was that they don't believe in that. She explained that her husband was very proud of the fact that he was the sole supporter of the family, and that he didn't need her help in supporting them. She explained that they just don't believe in women working after they have kids and husbands, and that they believe her place is at home with the kids.

My heart really goes out to her, and this post isn't about her, but about the sentiment that women shouldn't work because their place is at home. And being a real man, even if it means working in dangerous conditions, long hours, holding two jobs and being a step away from poverty at every turn, means that your wife doesn't work.

I suppose this is the first time that I've heard someone, not a movie character or a character in a book, express this sentiment. I don't understand why anyone would be proud to limit their spouse's potential. Or why be proud that you live right on the poverty line?

If they didn't see the dangers of their POV before, surely that entire community, and even the whole country, has now seen the risk that we talk about on here all the time, the risk that suddenly the SAHM will need to find a way to financially support the family. I wonder if anyone will re-think what they believe in.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
I worked in the legal field too--as a paralegal also.

VickiSiggy.jpg picture by mamalahk

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005

Well, I am not going to get into specific cases. *I* never did a dishonest thing. I was talking about the atotrneys I worked for. Mainly it was the Personal Injury and Medical Malpractice attorneys that IMO were dishonest. Example, using "their doctor" to claim out clients had injuries they did not have, knowing our client was high on cocaine at the time of an accident and the defendant had to pay through the nose, etc. Unfortunately, I was really naive when I first started doing it and had a hard time finding something I could live with. I blame myself for not finding more reputable places to work. My area is flooded with apralegals and it was hard to find a job.

The last attorney I worked for was not dishonest in his practice (mainly Property Damage) but he was a jerk. He told I could not take "numerous breaks" for pumping even though his litigation paralegal took several smoke breaks throughout the day. I barely got 6 weeks maternity leave and received numerous phone calls asking me to work at home while on leave. It was just a crummy place to work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Why is that?
Avatar for ahlmommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Well then that is a different story. Those women are unattractive. I wouldn't call them SAHM...I would call them Lazy. Big difference.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005

I stated this before but I hated the idea of putting a baby in a daycare setting. They need the interaction, attention, etc. that I do not believe a daycare provider can do. A baby cannot tell you their needs and I wanted to be the one with them all day. For me, this was a real important bonding time. My oldest was with my sister 3 days a week and I never felt leaving her to go to work was the right thing to do.

Please, this is just my opinion. I am not talking about WOH mothers at all. I am talking about how I felt at the time. Period.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
<> I know. I was just wondering what your reasons were and whether anything more concrete was involved beyond your feelings about it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005

I have no real *reason* for feeling the way that I did. Honestly, before I had children I did NOT want to sah. I had no doubt in my mind I wanted to continue working. I was getting frustrated with paralegal work and did not want to go to law school. I wanted to go back for nursing and thought I could do it all. My plan was to work 4 days at the office and one at home. I finally negotiated 3 days at the office and 2 at home. I also wanted to go to nursing shcool part-time. It was too much and I did not start nursing school until after I quit.

I had my dd and everything changed for me. I remember early on thinking I could not go back to work. But, I had to at the time. I had no concrete theory of why I thought I should be at home except that it felt right. I was finally able to quit when she was around 7 months old.

I have no problem being away from my kids for some period of time but working full-time is not what I felt right doing.

Now in Septemeber, when they are both in school full-time, I will have no problem going back to work. Once again, I just feel that it is the best time to do so.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Sometimes you do have to just go with your feelings. It's nice to have that choice. If child care had some public support in this country, maybe more of us would.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2005

<>

No. That sounds like a militant woh view. As in, if someone could be working, then she should work. I know you're a CTWOHM, so I find that position odd.

IMO, to say someone sah or woh *for herself* is to imply it's all exclusively for her benefit. For instance, her whole paycheck goes toward her wardrobe. Or the sahm is never with the children, and the family has 2 nannies.

Anyway, it's an interesting area where you and I disagree. I think once someone has kids, priorities change and one no longer woh or sah entirely for one's own benefit.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998

<>


I agree, I felt it was odd that you suggested that sah could be self indulgent from my point of view that I was a sahm for myself.

PumpkinAngel

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