"We don 't believe in that [WOHM]"

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2005
"We don 't believe in that [WOHM]"
2078
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 11:31am

On Friday, as I was driving hom from work, I stumbled across an interview with the wife of the one surviving miner from the collapse in WVa. In the course of the interview, someone asked her if she worked.

Her response was that they don't believe in that. She explained that her husband was very proud of the fact that he was the sole supporter of the family, and that he didn't need her help in supporting them. She explained that they just don't believe in women working after they have kids and husbands, and that they believe her place is at home with the kids.

My heart really goes out to her, and this post isn't about her, but about the sentiment that women shouldn't work because their place is at home. And being a real man, even if it means working in dangerous conditions, long hours, holding two jobs and being a step away from poverty at every turn, means that your wife doesn't work.

I suppose this is the first time that I've heard someone, not a movie character or a character in a book, express this sentiment. I don't understand why anyone would be proud to limit their spouse's potential. Or why be proud that you live right on the poverty line?

If they didn't see the dangers of their POV before, surely that entire community, and even the whole country, has now seen the risk that we talk about on here all the time, the risk that suddenly the SAHM will need to find a way to financially support the family. I wonder if anyone will re-think what they believe in.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998

<<No, I wouls have been a good parent. >>


I didn't think so, which totally contradicts your previous statement.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998

Why?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
I would have regretted putting my infants in daycare b/c I do not think that is best.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998

So it's about you and how you feel....not your kids?

PumpkinAngel

Avatar for ahlmommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Isn't that the point? Do you do things you think are best for your kids? I mean do you think your kids really know what is best for them when they are young? I understand what she is saying. For me...If I would have WOH when my two younger ones were little it would have affected my parenting because I would not have been happy. You can say all day long that being unhappy shouldn't affect your parenting but it does. Being unhappy in a situation affects ones marriage, and life in general and I think includes the kids. One poster here stated that when she SAH she was physically ill, and cried a lot. That definately affected her parental skills a lot. Being a SAHM made her miserable. She went back to work and her DD went to DC. Everyone was happy and life was better...including her parenting. Wouldn't you agree?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005

No, and I think I have explained this already. I do not think that an infant in daycare is best for an infant. If I had to do it, I would have made the best of the situation but I would not have liked it at all.

BTW, everything I have ever done is what I thought was best for my kids. Don't you do that?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005

I am not sure what is so hard to undersntad about what I am stating. SAH is such a small fraction of what makes me able to be a good parent. If I had to work, I would have been a good parent but not the way I would ideally want to parent.

I am really confused as to why this is so hard to understnad. DOn't you work b/c you think it is what is best for you adn your family?

If you are looking for me to state I think WOH parents are bad and sah makes me the greatest mom ever it is not going to happen. I think each person does what they think is best whenever they have the choice. If you have no choice, you still make the best of it but it is not the same as choosing to do something.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
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PumpkinAngel

Avatar for ahlmommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
n/t
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003

Better for your children at what point in time? Immediately or long term?


Some examples: it might be "better" for my children to have me around 24/7, as in they would be most comfortable.

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