"We don 't believe in that [WOHM]"
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| Mon, 01-09-2006 - 11:31am |
On Friday, as I was driving hom from work, I stumbled across an interview with the wife of the one surviving miner from the collapse in WVa. In the course of the interview, someone asked her if she worked.
Her response was that they don't believe in that. She explained that her husband was very proud of the fact that he was the sole supporter of the family, and that he didn't need her help in supporting them. She explained that they just don't believe in women working after they have kids and husbands, and that they believe her place is at home with the kids.
My heart really goes out to her, and this post isn't about her, but about the sentiment that women shouldn't work because their place is at home. And being a real man, even if it means working in dangerous conditions, long hours, holding two jobs and being a step away from poverty at every turn, means that your wife doesn't work.
I suppose this is the first time that I've heard someone, not a movie character or a character in a book, express this sentiment. I don't understand why anyone would be proud to limit their spouse's potential. Or why be proud that you live right on the poverty line?
If they didn't see the dangers of their POV before, surely that entire community, and even the whole country, has now seen the risk that we talk about on here all the time, the risk that suddenly the SAHM will need to find a way to financially support the family. I wonder if anyone will re-think what they believe in.

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For me, the care the boys would receive while with me would not even necessarily be better than the overall care they receive from our nanny, just different.
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But, why is my one statement being taken as my sole reason for my parenting decision? I am talking about one aspect. And in the beginning (infant), I do think it is best for an infant to be cared for by a parent. I do not think daycare, homecare, nanny is best for an infant. I think and still do that they need a parent. I would have done it but it would not be because I thought it was best. Just necessary.
Economically it did not makes sense, emotionally (for my whole family) it did not amke sense, time wise it was not worth it and I wanted to go back to school.
There are many, many reasons why I wanted to sah. Some reasons for me (and it was not me being alone. I have never felt alone a day in my life), some for my kids and some for the family as a whole.
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So it's your regret (in the scenario) that you couldn't provide what you thought was the better option for your children, although your children were just fine?
PumpkinAngel
What exactly is better, do you know?
PumpkinAngel
Depends and I think you just gave a fine example of why one shouldn't base their ability to parent on their work status.
PumpkinAngel
So what exactly is better?
PumpkinAngel
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Yes. Children can be just fine in many situations. It really isn't an all or nothing scenerio. Just because kids do just fine in DC or with a nanny etc doesn't make it the best option.
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YOu stated that ***There are always ways to make things happen if you want them bad enough or hard enough.*** would that not apply to a mother that wanted to SAH but had to WOH? If she works hard enough or wants it badly enough she can SAH? I am asking you to clarify that.
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Well I don't let me children do that. If my son doesn't want to do something I think is best...I will make him do it. IF he hates it...I won't make him do it again. I think children learn better when you get them to try things without letting them sit out. I think listening to your child after they have tried something is good. But yet I still think that a parent knows what is best when they are very young.
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I disagree here. Many WOHP can't afford private school no matter how they try. That is what I asked you to elaborate on. Here is an example that no matter how much they want it or work for it...they can't make it happen.
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Again..this isn't all or nothing. If she WOH she would still be a good parent. But maybe to her only at 90% and she wants to be 100%. I don't do the all or nothing thing. There are different levels of good and bad.
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YOu don't know that. You don't SAH. They may be worse or better or the same. How would you know? Maybe they wouldn't be able to experience the things they do now because you work. No one can ever say how things would turn out if they took a different path. We can speculate...but never really know.
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