"We don 't believe in that [WOHM]"

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2005
"We don 't believe in that [WOHM]"
2078
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 11:31am

On Friday, as I was driving hom from work, I stumbled across an interview with the wife of the one surviving miner from the collapse in WVa. In the course of the interview, someone asked her if she worked.

Her response was that they don't believe in that. She explained that her husband was very proud of the fact that he was the sole supporter of the family, and that he didn't need her help in supporting them. She explained that they just don't believe in women working after they have kids and husbands, and that they believe her place is at home with the kids.

My heart really goes out to her, and this post isn't about her, but about the sentiment that women shouldn't work because their place is at home. And being a real man, even if it means working in dangerous conditions, long hours, holding two jobs and being a step away from poverty at every turn, means that your wife doesn't work.

I suppose this is the first time that I've heard someone, not a movie character or a character in a book, express this sentiment. I don't understand why anyone would be proud to limit their spouse's potential. Or why be proud that you live right on the poverty line?

If they didn't see the dangers of their POV before, surely that entire community, and even the whole country, has now seen the risk that we talk about on here all the time, the risk that suddenly the SAHM will need to find a way to financially support the family. I wonder if anyone will re-think what they believe in.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
but yet you are comparing them because you said the younger two are much better than the older one? what is it you see that makes them better? you seem to be saying that the younger two are better because you sah, couldnt it just as easily be said the younger two are better beacuse they didnt have a single mother? just from the little that I have read it appears there could be numerous reasons for the differences, the least of which would be sah/woh.
Jennie
Avatar for ahlmommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003

<<>>

No I am not comparing them. She asked me if I could see a difference between my oldest and my two youngest. I told her that you couldn't compare the two because of different circumstances. Yet my 2 younger ones are better across the board. That could be for all sorts of reasons.

<<>>

Different circumstances.

<<>>

Nope never said that nor did I imply that. So I can't answer that question.

<<>>

You just caught up. However I wouldn't say the least is me SAH. You dont even begin to know what the reasons are. I didn't go into it with you. You can speculate...but that is about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
My guess is that the negative impacts you see in your oldest are due to coming from a broken home rather than from your work status.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
WHY?

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Avatar for ahlmommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
That is incorrect...SHe wasn't from a broken home. We never married.
Avatar for ahlmommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Why what?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Okay, an unstable home.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003

Why is your care better than a nanny or DC provider?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
what i am not getting is how you say in the SAME paragraph that you are not comparing them yet the younger two are better across the board. Does the fact that you are saying the younger two are better across the board not mean that you are comparing them? To say that one thing is better than another thing is to compare the two things is it not? So how would your older child be better if you had sah? Im not bashing here just curious, because we have a situation which on the surface is similar - I have an older child who I wohm until she was 9, and I really cant see how she could be any better if I had sah during those years. I do understand that sah/woh is where the similarities end between us and that each child is unique and would react to situations differently. But you have implied numerous times that the older one is different and that you believe it is in some part based on you woh and I am just curious what the differences are that you are seeing.
Jennie
Avatar for ahlmommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003

<<>>

SHe wasn't in an unstable home. I was a very independent smart mom. I worked hard in my field, earned a good living, she went to a great school, and I was very active in her life. However her father was an idiot. He took out his anger he had with me on her. So she didn't see her father until she was almost 8 yrs old. Not having a dad around was hard on her. I have a wonderful older brother that stepped in when she had daddy things at school. Even still...not having a dad is hard on a child. She is in much better shape today than a few years ago...She is seeing the light and knowing what an idiot her dad still is, and that is had nothing to do with her.

<<>>

Why is that interesting? I had child out of wedlock. So what? Think conservatives don't have premarital sex? Ok..is it only liberals that do? I find this comment intersting and a bit naive.

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