"We don 't believe in that [WOHM]"

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2005
"We don 't believe in that [WOHM]"
2078
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 11:31am

On Friday, as I was driving hom from work, I stumbled across an interview with the wife of the one surviving miner from the collapse in WVa. In the course of the interview, someone asked her if she worked.

Her response was that they don't believe in that. She explained that her husband was very proud of the fact that he was the sole supporter of the family, and that he didn't need her help in supporting them. She explained that they just don't believe in women working after they have kids and husbands, and that they believe her place is at home with the kids.

My heart really goes out to her, and this post isn't about her, but about the sentiment that women shouldn't work because their place is at home. And being a real man, even if it means working in dangerous conditions, long hours, holding two jobs and being a step away from poverty at every turn, means that your wife doesn't work.

I suppose this is the first time that I've heard someone, not a movie character or a character in a book, express this sentiment. I don't understand why anyone would be proud to limit their spouse's potential. Or why be proud that you live right on the poverty line?

If they didn't see the dangers of their POV before, surely that entire community, and even the whole country, has now seen the risk that we talk about on here all the time, the risk that suddenly the SAHM will need to find a way to financially support the family. I wonder if anyone will re-think what they believe in.

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Avatar for ahlmommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
I don't waiver. You might be overtired etc because you have a commute and a job. Those are things I don't have. No waivering here...Your situation is just what YOUR situation is...YOURS not mine. DO you really think your nanny doesn't waiver with your kids? Think she isn't tired on occasions from working 50 hours a week? Really? I think being overtired is human. I know without a doubt that I am better with my children than a nanny would be. If I had to go to work 50 hours per week and commute I might think differently. That is why I SAH...I don't have thos things to worry about.
Avatar for ahlmommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003

No I wasn't comparing the two. I was making the statement that it is not really comparable...but I wanted to answer her question. I can't tell you if my younger ones are better because I SAH because there are other factors.

Your child is your child. No one can say that what you experience isn't the way it is in your home. However you can't say your situation should apply to others.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
reading this post i can see why your older child would be different than your younger two who are growing up in an intact family. what i cant see is how you sah would have changed that situation for your older child.
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
So you're the perfect mom because you WAH?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003

"However her father was an idiot. He took out his anger he had with me on her. So she didn't see her father until she was almost 8 yrs old. Not having a dad around was hard on her."


Having an angry, absentee dad IS having an unstable home.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
i really am beginning to wonder if you even read the posts you respond to. I specifically said that our situations were not the same beyond us each having an odler child and woh at that time and that each child is going to respond to situations differently. and i have NEVER said my situation should apply to others. what i am saying is that i dont see how if i had sah with my older daughter or woh with my two younger ones that it would have substantially impacted the wonderful adult and little people they are becoming - and am curious what impact those in similar situations (note, i said similar not exact) situations notice. and for those who say they do notice differences, as you have said numerous times, what about changing work status would have changed those differences
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998

<<Maybe that's why she can't understand the exhaustion one might feel at the end of a day's work plus commute?>>


Where did I say any of that?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
I have woh and sah so i have a pretty good idea how i parent in each situation so it is not speculation on my part when i say that my parenting did not change based on my work status. I have one child who had a wohm for the first two years of her life and since has had a sahm and while she of course has changed, grown and matured her basic self, her kindness, her personality, the things that make her who she is have not changed due to my work status. again this is not speculation in is fact. i will never buy that work status determines if one is a good or bad parent - to any degree.
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998

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No I didn't.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998

The question is what is better?

PumpkinAngel

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