"We don 't believe in that [WOHM]"

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2005
"We don 't believe in that [WOHM]"
2078
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 11:31am

On Friday, as I was driving hom from work, I stumbled across an interview with the wife of the one surviving miner from the collapse in WVa. In the course of the interview, someone asked her if she worked.

Her response was that they don't believe in that. She explained that her husband was very proud of the fact that he was the sole supporter of the family, and that he didn't need her help in supporting them. She explained that they just don't believe in women working after they have kids and husbands, and that they believe her place is at home with the kids.

My heart really goes out to her, and this post isn't about her, but about the sentiment that women shouldn't work because their place is at home. And being a real man, even if it means working in dangerous conditions, long hours, holding two jobs and being a step away from poverty at every turn, means that your wife doesn't work.

I suppose this is the first time that I've heard someone, not a movie character or a character in a book, express this sentiment. I don't understand why anyone would be proud to limit their spouse's potential. Or why be proud that you live right on the poverty line?

If they didn't see the dangers of their POV before, surely that entire community, and even the whole country, has now seen the risk that we talk about on here all the time, the risk that suddenly the SAHM will need to find a way to financially support the family. I wonder if anyone will re-think what they believe in.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2005
bwah..i'd really like to know how a wohm defines a sahm...in all honesty, has anyone ever asked that here?


Edited 1/10/2006 7:47 pm ET by mom3texas
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003

I dont think that has anything to do with what we were discussing though. A husband and wife *both* deeply wrapped up in defining their self worth by their income is completely different from a couple who makes a joint decision on whether or not to have a sahp.

PnJ had made it clear that her dh would look down on her and treat her differently if she was a sah. She would feel differently about herself if she was a sah as well-because her self worth is very tied up in external reward.

I wouldnt marry a man who would have treated me differently based on my work status.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2005
Its been asked ... and answered. Ad naseum.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2005
sounds hostile to me too ahlmommy..a sahm does stay home to RAISE her child........why that's such a hot button, derogatory, intended to mean something against wohms, i just don't know either.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2005
I'm a single Mom. Kinda makes it hard to let my dh support me.

Karen


"We are told that in , "cattle and sheep outnumber people by the millions." Which is why we're here, I suspect, given that cattle and sheep don't post spoilers on the internet, or if they do, they all just say things like, "Moo moo moo, moo! MMM! Moooo, moo. MMMMM, moo


Miss Alli @ TelevisionWithoutPity, The Amazing Race Finale

Karen

"Veronica: "I hate fake deer too. Every time I see their stupid fake-deer faces I want to grab a shotgun and go all Cheney on 'em." Sure, but since fake deer don't talk, they won't

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2005
Oh, the irony of YOU complaining about someone else's definition of ANYTHING....

Karen


"We are told that in , "cattle and sheep outnumber people by the millions." Which is why we're here, I suspect, given that cattle and sheep don't post spoilers on the internet, or if they do, they all just say things like, "Moo moo moo, moo! MMM! Moooo, moo. MMMMM, moo


Miss Alli @ TelevisionWithoutPity, The Amazing Race Finale

Karen

"Veronica: "I hate fake deer too. Every time I see their stupid fake-deer faces I want to grab a shotgun and go all Cheney on 'em." Sure, but since fake deer don't talk, they won't

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2005

When I hear "I SAH to raise my children", my mind automatically reads "I SAH *in order to* raise my children" or "I SAH so that I can raise my children." I think many others hear the same thing.

And, since "in order to" means:

-- Idiom: in order that; So that. --
-- Idiom: in order to do something; ***So as to be able to do it.*** Thesaurus: to, with a view to, with the intention of, with the purpose of, intending to. --

It is inferred, by many, that SAH is the only way to raise children. Therefore, if you don't SAH you aren't raising your children.

*That* is where the hot button, defensiveness, *hostility*, misuderstanding, and offenses come from.

Avatar for ahlmommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Ok...Let me rephrase since we are going to be quite so specfic....You would feel wrong to let someone else support you...Take out my *DH* and put in Someone else. Does that work for you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
I always hear it as "I SAH to raise my children" .. the way I want them to be raised. (Which may or may not be any better, depending on how you look at it)
Avatar for ahlmommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
I really think you are putting WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY to much into one sentence. It really isn't about you or any other WOHM. If you said...I would feel inferior to my spouse if I didn't WOH. Or I would feel like a kept woman if I didn't WOH...It wouldn't offend me.


Edited 1/10/2006 8:05 pm ET by ahlmommy

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