"We don 't believe in that [WOHM]"

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2005
"We don 't believe in that [WOHM]"
2078
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 11:31am

On Friday, as I was driving hom from work, I stumbled across an interview with the wife of the one surviving miner from the collapse in WVa. In the course of the interview, someone asked her if she worked.

Her response was that they don't believe in that. She explained that her husband was very proud of the fact that he was the sole supporter of the family, and that he didn't need her help in supporting them. She explained that they just don't believe in women working after they have kids and husbands, and that they believe her place is at home with the kids.

My heart really goes out to her, and this post isn't about her, but about the sentiment that women shouldn't work because their place is at home. And being a real man, even if it means working in dangerous conditions, long hours, holding two jobs and being a step away from poverty at every turn, means that your wife doesn't work.

I suppose this is the first time that I've heard someone, not a movie character or a character in a book, express this sentiment. I don't understand why anyone would be proud to limit their spouse's potential. Or why be proud that you live right on the poverty line?

If they didn't see the dangers of their POV before, surely that entire community, and even the whole country, has now seen the risk that we talk about on here all the time, the risk that suddenly the SAHM will need to find a way to financially support the family. I wonder if anyone will re-think what they believe in.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2005

<<"I SAH to raise my children" .. the way I want them to be raised. >>

I have absolutely no issue with *that* statement.

That just isn't what my mind hears. (which may be a WOHM bias)

Part of why I WOH is so that I can raise my children the way I want them to be raised. *I* can't do that by SAH (mainly because of $$$ issues, but also because of my emotional/intellecutal needs issues)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2005
What if I said "I WOH in order that I not be inferior to my spouse."?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004

It is connected, yes. A couple can decide to have a sahp, but that doesn't necessrily reflect whether either one of them or maybe even both of them might be into the work status of at least one of them. PNJ may or may not be a person whose self worth rests on income and power, but even a sahp can be that person.

<>

But would you marry a man based on HIS work status? A man who didn't earn a certain income, perhaps? Not you, necessarily. But the point is that a parent who SAH or WOH might feel they're entitled to think or even say their self worth isn't about money, status or power. But they're still into the status provided by the partner's income, even if it's "reflected glory". Sometimes even *because* it's reflected glory rather than their own income. A person could be kind of a hypocrite on that basis.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005

Yes. Exactly. I never thought when I posted that *one* sentence so many people would get offended. To me sah, is my "job". I never felt capable of doing both. I never felt like I was doing my best when I was working.

When I state "I sah to raise my kids", it is usually in response to someone asking me "What do you do?". I am not sure if I am being clear but to me sah is my main job right now. I thought is was important to sah to set a foundation. Do I think a WOH could not do this? Of course not! Usually when someone starts a sentence with the word "I", I take it to mean they are talking about themselves. Most of my friends WOH. They have a great relationship with their kids. It works for them.

I am not sure if this is any clearer than my first post. But, I honestly you the word "raise" as more of a job description. I won't do it on here again b/c I did not realize how offended people would be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
I would say, great! I would say that that is how *you* feel. It is not how I feel but I am secure in knowing I might the right choice for me. And the same goes for you. I would not expect anyone else to feel the way that I do about sah. I do not think my choice is "better" for the entire population. It is better for me and me alone.
Avatar for ahlmommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
That doesn't bother me either. If you said...I think SAHM are inferior to their spouses...that would offend me. See the difference? I don't think SAHM's are inferior, nor do I think WOHM aren't raising their children.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2005
I'd feel sorry for you and think you have a very unhappy marriage.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2005
Feel free to quote any post of mine that said any such thing.

Karen


"We are told that in , "cattle and sheep outnumber people by the millions." Which is why we're here, I suspect, given that cattle and sheep don't post spoilers on the internet, or if they do, they all just say things like, "Moo moo moo, moo! MMM! Moooo, moo. MMMMM, moo


Miss Alli @ TelevisionWithoutPity, The Amazing Race Finale

Karen

"Veronica: "I hate fake deer too. Every time I see their stupid fake-deer faces I want to grab a shotgun and go all Cheney on 'em." Sure, but since fake deer don't talk, they won't

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2005
bah dum bum..classic reply karen...it's getting sort of stale and begining to smell like bat you know what again too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2005
Me too. I don't get it. But I don't use that phrase IRL anymore - "sah to raise the kids"...even though it's true. I might offend someone who's hypersensitive.

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