"We don 't believe in that [WOHM]"

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2005
"We don 't believe in that [WOHM]"
2078
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 11:31am

On Friday, as I was driving hom from work, I stumbled across an interview with the wife of the one surviving miner from the collapse in WVa. In the course of the interview, someone asked her if she worked.

Her response was that they don't believe in that. She explained that her husband was very proud of the fact that he was the sole supporter of the family, and that he didn't need her help in supporting them. She explained that they just don't believe in women working after they have kids and husbands, and that they believe her place is at home with the kids.

My heart really goes out to her, and this post isn't about her, but about the sentiment that women shouldn't work because their place is at home. And being a real man, even if it means working in dangerous conditions, long hours, holding two jobs and being a step away from poverty at every turn, means that your wife doesn't work.

I suppose this is the first time that I've heard someone, not a movie character or a character in a book, express this sentiment. I don't understand why anyone would be proud to limit their spouse's potential. Or why be proud that you live right on the poverty line?

If they didn't see the dangers of their POV before, surely that entire community, and even the whole country, has now seen the risk that we talk about on here all the time, the risk that suddenly the SAHM will need to find a way to financially support the family. I wonder if anyone will re-think what they believe in.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2005
thank you for so not giving in to the pressure of label league here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003

I'm still not seeing where that has anything to do with what we were originally discussing....

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003

I know this has probably already been beat into submission but I think understanding the mindset is most important.

My father is 62 years old and if my mother had wanted to work he would have felt he was not doing his job to support the family. He really gave me a VERY hard time and said some not so nice things last year when I started college.

Society has different expectations of men today - even very different than what the thoughts were 30 years ago. I must say though many men still view a step in success as whether their wife can stay home - in West Virginia according to what I heard on tv these men made a very decent income - I heard 50 -60K - as starting pay. This is not a ton of money but considering cost of living there it is not bad.

I don't see this as a danger but more one of those "when people know better they do better" moments. I watched my friend, who lived pay check to paycheck, become a widow a year ago and honestly I don't think she would change anything up to the day of his death. If anything she would wish they had more actual time together not less.

Do I feel women should always be in a position to take care of themselves?? Absolutely - do I think these women will be able to take care of themselves and their family - absolutely - no one knows better than we how to get things done - these women will figure it out - they will do what they have to - as we all do - and their community will always be behind them. Women work hard no matter what they do, where they do it and if they get a paycheck.

The we don't believe in it remark simply means it was a priority for their family - perhaps it is not about limiting someone's potential - perhaps it is being happy right where you are. Everyone just feels they are doing the best they can for their family - we don't know what we don't know.

Courtney

Courtney

There's a great big beautiful tomorrow shining at the end of every day... there's a great big beautiful tom

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2005
don't be fooled tinderbox...she's used the jealous card on me too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2005
Hey, I'm a fed employee and I get OT. Actual, real OT, not that "You can't earn more than the lowest paid Congress-critter per hour" OT. (Gotta love that union :)

Karen


"We are told that in , "cattle and sheep outnumber people by the millions." Which is why we're here, I suspect, given that cattle and sheep don't post spoilers on the internet, or if they do, they all just say things like, "Moo moo moo, moo! MMM! Moooo, moo. MMMMM, moo


Miss Alli @ TelevisionWithoutPity, The Amazing Race Finale

Karen

"Veronica: "I hate fake deer too. Every time I see their stupid fake-deer faces I want to grab a shotgun and go all Cheney on 'em." Sure, but since fake deer don't talk, they won't

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2005

Oh, hey, when I used to work in financial printing, our office was across the street (and at the other end of the block) from the ATF building. Where I am now is just down North Capital Street (and over a hitch) from the new ATF building.

My ex's younger brother works for the DC Metropolitan Police and for a while he was attached to ATF as well (although that was several years ago).

Small world, eh? :)

Karen


"We are told that in , "cattle and sheep outnumber people by the millions." Which is why we're here, I suspect, given that cattle and sheep don't post spoilers on the internet, or if they do, they all just say things like, "Moo moo moo, moo! MMM! Moooo, moo. MMMMM, moo


Miss Alli @ TelevisionWithoutPity, The Amazing Race Finale

Karen

"Veronica: "I hate fake deer too. Every time I see their stupid fake-deer faces I want to grab a shotgun and go all Cheney on 'em." Sure, but since fake deer don't talk, they won't

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2005
I don't recall needing her (or your) permission to post here. You're just going to have to learn to deal.

Karen


"We are told that in , "cattle and sheep outnumber people by the millions." Which is why we're here, I suspect, given that cattle and sheep don't post spoilers on the internet, or if they do, they all just say things like, "Moo moo moo, moo! MMM! Moooo, moo. MMMMM, moo


Miss Alli @ TelevisionWithoutPity, The Amazing Race Finale

Karen

"Veronica: "I hate fake deer too. Every time I see their stupid fake-deer faces I want to grab a shotgun and go all Cheney on 'em." Sure, but since fake deer don't talk, they won't

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997

Here's a distinction to keep in mind when distinguishing between public and private forms of electronic communication:

1) Private E-Mail -- directed to one recipient who can choose to answer or not.
2) Public Message Board -- may be directed to one reader, but will be read by all who care to open it and anyone who chooses may reply.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
It has. And it has been answered. A Stay-at-Home-Mother is a mother who does not work for pay. As per the IRS.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2005

bwwah..thank you for that message board epiphany lois...i feel better now.

*eye roll*

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