"We don 't believe in that [WOHM]"

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2005
"We don 't believe in that [WOHM]"
2078
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 11:31am

On Friday, as I was driving hom from work, I stumbled across an interview with the wife of the one surviving miner from the collapse in WVa. In the course of the interview, someone asked her if she worked.

Her response was that they don't believe in that. She explained that her husband was very proud of the fact that he was the sole supporter of the family, and that he didn't need her help in supporting them. She explained that they just don't believe in women working after they have kids and husbands, and that they believe her place is at home with the kids.

My heart really goes out to her, and this post isn't about her, but about the sentiment that women shouldn't work because their place is at home. And being a real man, even if it means working in dangerous conditions, long hours, holding two jobs and being a step away from poverty at every turn, means that your wife doesn't work.

I suppose this is the first time that I've heard someone, not a movie character or a character in a book, express this sentiment. I don't understand why anyone would be proud to limit their spouse's potential. Or why be proud that you live right on the poverty line?

If they didn't see the dangers of their POV before, surely that entire community, and even the whole country, has now seen the risk that we talk about on here all the time, the risk that suddenly the SAHM will need to find a way to financially support the family. I wonder if anyone will re-think what they believe in.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005

You must be kidding me. i do not have the time to go thru every single post. You stated repeatedly that I must mean all attorneys since I said the "whole legal profession".

Alrighty, done with this part of the thread. Iit is old and ridiculous. I have explained myself more than once and you are choosing not tot listen. Whatever.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2005
It's okay. And I just put that in for alhmommy. Although she doesn't remember it, she and I have had this conversation before. And I knew she'd not like the racist part, so I put it in there just for her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
I understand that completely. I want to know why when I stated the same thing, I bashed for it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997

I think it's kind of pointless to argue about who is instilling and who is reinforcing if everyone is working toward the same end. You never know WHEN the lesson is going to stick, WHAT is going to be the event that will precipitate a child finally internalizing something that has been modelled and taught over the years.

When DS#2 was little, he was our Houdini/Christopher Columbus all rolled into on. Loved to escape the stroller or whatever and go wandering off. Gave us quite a few scares. I used to get on him about staying out of the street, whatever, constantly. A billion times. One day we were at a church picnic when he was about three and I turned my back and DS#2 was gone. I started looking immediately, but he was FAST. A few minutes later, he comes back, being led by our children's ministry leader, with eyes as big as saucers. He tells me solemnly, "It's dangerous to run in the street. Miss Elizabeth told me." Well, good for Miss Elizabeth. It took her once to instill in my child a lesson that I had been repeating for years. Or maybe I instilled it and she reinforced it. All I know is that it cured him.

I could use a dose of Miss Elizabeth right now with my teenager, lol.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998

So is your relationship different because you missed those first steps with your dd?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Implication and inference can be tricky...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998

I tried that.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tell me why your DH decided to be a cop.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
It's just that although PNJ's self worth comes in part from her earning power, she isn't so different. SAHMs often see *his* money as *their* money, even to the extent of feeling they helped earn it. And they, too, get their self worth in part from having a certain level of affluence. Those marriages are just about the same as PNJ's because the wives don't feel like anyone's "treating them generously".
Avatar for ahlmommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
No it isn't different....Just something I didn't want to do. You don't understand it. I get that. You work because you have different views than I do about life. Nothing wrong with that...just different. You gonna answer my questions about goddess or what? I asked twice.

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