Weddings and children

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Weddings and children
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Wed, 07-16-2003 - 11:58am
I'm stealing this from another thread because I'm interested in everyones thoughts, and it is hard to get to the sub-threads of different threads. lol

So, what is your experience with children and weddings? I know there are some people adament that children not be included. I am completely the opposite. I cannot imagine a wedding without children everywhere.

DH and I got married at the courthouse in another state, so this wasn't an issue for us, but we are currently kicking around an idea to renew our vows and have a "reception" (party) in 2 years for our 10th anniversary. In my opinion, my wedding, or renewing my wedding vows is an incredibly special and happy occasion I want to share with all my family and friends. And that includes the minor one.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

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Avatar for karenester
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-16-2003 - 12:04pm
We also go married at a courthouse, with only one of dh's brothers and dh's colleg roommate present. So, it was a nonissue.

But to m, and the weddings of the people I know, a wedding is a family affair, and all the families I know include children. They are fun, people pass around the babies and comment on how so and so has grown since the last wedding, and people tease the bride about when she'll be having her own.

Dh and I have also discussed doing a vows renewal at some point, and if all the family and friends--inclduing kids--couldn't come, i wouldn't want to do it.

I have never been to a "grown-ups only" wedding. But if I was invited when i had a small nursling, I would politely decline. And if the bride got mad, she'd just have to deal with it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-16-2003 - 12:04pm
I think there's a difference between children in the family and children of invited guests. I also think a vow renewal is different - if the couple getting "remarried" has kids of their own, I think it's natural to include children.

Many wedding videotapes have been ruined by crying children in the background. My ceremony was only 22 minutes, and I didn't want any distractions. DH and I hired a babysitter for 6 hours to feed and entertain children of guests in a room immediately adjacent to the room where our reception was held, primarily for the convenience of out of town guests. It worked great. The kids had fun, the parents could check on the kids whenever they wanted and the guests didn't have to deal with the kids while they ate, danced, etc.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Wed, 07-16-2003 - 12:07pm
I say if it's your wedding then you decide whether you want to invite kids.

I will also say that it is the height of rudeness to bring children who are not invited, or to ask that they be invited. A huge no-no.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Wed, 07-16-2003 - 12:09pm
I'm probably going to make a lot of enemies here, but I cannot stand the kind of weddings where it is really clear that we are invited to a "show" and are supposed to be impressed, where every detail is perfection itself and the whole thing would be "ruined" if the one detail went wrong. I like weddings that are a little "imperfect" around the edges, where the bride's best friend gets to be in the wedding party even if she's gained 30 pounds in the last two years; where if the groom's 18 month old nephew starts wailing in the middle and gets taken out nobody pouts for ten years, where everyone is happily celebrating one of life's big celebratory moments.....my own wedding reflects my tastes....we rented a dude ranch for a weekend, invited about 50 people of all ages, had a campfire on Friday night where the kids entertained us with ghost stories, the guests went swimming/horseback riding, etc on Saturday morning while I got my hair done and spent some quiet time with my Mom and sisters....then we got the preacher in, gave him 30 minutes to get the job done and had an all you can eat Mexican buffet by the pool for everyone. All the kids there got to be an "attendant" and they dressed in their best clothes but changed into swimsuits during the reception...the kids swam, the adults chatted and danced and feasted until dark, and nobody had to drive home with too much alcohol in their system. People stayed the night Saturday and we fed them a camp breakfast on Sunday. They were welcome to stay until 3 pm. It was fun.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-16-2003 - 12:16pm
>>So, what is your experience with children and weddings? I know there are some people adament that children not be included. I am completely the opposite. I cannot imagine a wedding without children everywhere.

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ITA. If you invite someone to your wedding, you should expect them to bring their significant other, and children, if they have them. I don't understand why people would restrict children from their wedding. Getting married has a lot to do with celebrating with family & friends...ALL of them. DH & I had several children at our wedding. Of course, it was relatively low-key, as our wedding & reception was outdoors in our gardens. We didn't have many of the formalities that kids might "interfere" with (gosh, just the idea that any guests would be interfering with a wedding is a concept I can't quite wrap my head around, but, I digress). I mean really...if you don't want anything to interfere, get married in a closet or something. ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-16-2003 - 12:16pm
That's okay, you obviously have a casual style. I wanted something more formal. I didn't have my wedding to impress anyone, we did our preferred way. Having an 18 month old wail during the festivities isn't cute to me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-16-2003 - 12:17pm
I am like you. I hate really big formal weddings. It is the cheapskate in me. I look around mentally tally everything up and thinking that they could have made a down payment on a house. To each their own.

We got married when Zak was 14 months in a little country church with my cousin officiating. We had children all around. It was really informal because we did not put ourselves and the families through too much. We had already handled a surprise pregnancy and a suprise brain tumor. We walked each other down the aisle and it was wonderful. My niece (4) came up half way through to hold my hand and whispered that I looked like a princess. Zak played in the choir loft with my cousin watching him. It was a nice, simple family wedding.

K

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-16-2003 - 12:19pm
Must be a Maine thing...an invitation includes only those people, including infants, whose names are on the invitation. At $100 a head, weddings would be even more unaffordable if everyone just brought along a couple of uninvited kids.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-16-2003 - 12:19pm
>>>Many wedding videotapes have been ruined by crying children in the background.

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I guess I never considered my family & friends to be distractions, or causes of "ruination" of my wedding. Life is filled with unexpected events. A wedding is a wonderful celebration of life...ALL OF LIFE...crying babies & all. Heck, my grandparents stood up unexpectedly right in front of the camera for nearly the entire "ceremony" part of our wedding...& you can hear their conversation. The tape is hardly ruined..its all the better! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Wed, 07-16-2003 - 12:20pm
Oh, I would have loved that! My nephew was about 3 when we got married and I asked him if he wanted to be a ring-bearer but he was kind of shy and said no. At the reception he seemed to have changed his mind and he came up and confided that "Next time you get married, Aunt Lois, I WILL be in the wedding, OK?" He was kind of disappointed when I told him that this was going to be my one and only wedding!

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