Weddings and children

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Weddings and children
978
Wed, 07-16-2003 - 11:58am
I'm stealing this from another thread because I'm interested in everyones thoughts, and it is hard to get to the sub-threads of different threads. lol

So, what is your experience with children and weddings? I know there are some people adament that children not be included. I am completely the opposite. I cannot imagine a wedding without children everywhere.

DH and I got married at the courthouse in another state, so this wasn't an issue for us, but we are currently kicking around an idea to renew our vows and have a "reception" (party) in 2 years for our 10th anniversary. In my opinion, my wedding, or renewing my wedding vows is an incredibly special and happy occasion I want to share with all my family and friends. And that includes the minor one.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sat, 07-19-2003 - 6:08pm
I'm not wealthy, but I wouldn't dream of giving a cheap gift because the reception was inexpensive. I give the same thing to everyone, actually: a Waterford vase. It's kind of my thing. I like them, most people can use one, and I like to shop Irish, if at all possible. So I'm supposed to give something cheaper, like a glass vase, to a couple having their reception at a VFW Hall? How gross.
Congratulations! I'm so happy to hear it. I just heard the good news and popped back over, just in case you were still checking in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sat, 07-19-2003 - 6:12pm
I don't know about your etiquette book, but mine says it's very declasse to lob cheap shots at someone because you happen to know they are single. Is that what your DH is to you, justification for trying to make people who are not currently in relationships feel crappy?
Congratulations! I'm so happy to hear it. I just heard the good news and popped back over, just in case you were still checking in.
Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 07-19-2003 - 6:26pm
The relative cost of a gift I give for ANY occasion is directly related to the strength of my relationship to the guest of honor, NOT the cost of the festivities.

Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 07-19-2003 - 6:32pm
I'm just responding to your general questions. . .remember, who has a wedding without drinking and dancing.

There was also the comment about how a function without those components sounded like a church coffee hour.

Then, the question (a direct response to me) about how I should describe these danceless, drinkless festivities.

So I answered. . .I'm not goading, I'm answering.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-19-2003 - 6:36pm
Hello. I lurk here sometimes and figured I'd throw my two cents in today. I've read some (definately not all) of the responses and wanted to share my experience:

DH and I had no children at the wedding other than his daughter and the ring bearer. There were NO children at the reception - not even the ring bearer or my SD.

Now, before everyone tells me how rude that was, let me explain:

The ring bearer's mother arranged for an in-law to babysit because she wanted to have a night out with her husband and no kids. Everyone in the family sees weddings as an adult event and the reception as a "night out" with their significant other. My DH did not feel comfortable drinking in front of SD (she was almost a teen) and also wanted to just celebrate with me and our guests. We didn't have a single guest ask if their children were invited, even the out of towners - and being stereotypical New Yorkers, NONE would have been to "shy" to ask LOL! They all saw it as a chance to get out and party without having to be mom or dad for the night.

I'll admit it though, I didn't pay over $1000 for a video of my only wedding only have a screaming child as the only audible voice of my only wedding.

Even if we didn't mind having children at the wedding, we would have had to cut people out of the reception to stay within budget. We only invited close family, friends, and some close co-workers. Dinner was almost $100/plate and that didn't include the music, favors, most flowers, and the desssert table we offered. Adding children, who are picky eaters anyway, would've cost us several hundred more dollars. True, we could have cut out the favors and dessert, but that's the wedding we wanted. We receieved many compliments on our wedding and reception and know we wouldn't have done it any other way. We didn't have a big formal affair, the wedding was 20 minutes long and held in a fairly small historical church. The reception was more of a party, though it was held in a very nice ballroom. Everyone was relaxed and enjoyed the "time out" from the kids.

As for children at baby showers (it was brought up somewhere)- I've never heard of children coming to them, until my own shower,but don't see anything wrong with it. I had two children at my shower - both of them came with an old friend of mine who apologized for not being able to find a sitter. I told her not to worry - I obviously don't have anything against childrent LOL! They ran around, like children tend to do, but no one cared. No one thought it was strange to see them there either, it was just a fun gathering.

Having children at a wedding or shower is just a matter of personal choice. You either feel they belong there (because it is a family celebration) or feel it would be nice to throw an adult party. Either way isn't wrong, you just have to understand that feelings may be hurt because we (obviously!) don't all think alike. LOL - or we wouldn't have over 500 posts to this discussion.

- Alexa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-1999
Sat, 07-19-2003 - 6:37pm
Why would you attend the wedding of someone you never met? Weddings are not business meetings where you network and make contact.

If I'm invited to a wedding and wish to go, I usually care enough about the person to give them a gift they would find delight in and maybe even use for.

I sure hope there wasn't anyone with your attitude at my wedding.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-19-2003 - 6:45pm
>>>I have to agree. I've *never* been to a wedding without a band and a dance floor. I've *never* been to a wedding without an open bar. But you know what? That's the way we do things here in the Northeast. I hardly thing that my little corner of the world has the last say on what's fun or "classy." To presume so would be utterly provincial and classless.

----

I live in the northeast USA, always have. Our wedding didn't have a band, a dance floor, or an open bar.

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Sat, 07-19-2003 - 7:06pm
Huh?

TM - to whom it has never occurred to equate what is spent on a wedding gift with how much the couple spends on the wedding

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Sat, 07-19-2003 - 7:08pm
Not distorting anything - just responding to what you've posted.


<>

What does that have to do with your previous post? According to you, if the business associate's child gives a lavish reception, you spend more on them than you do for a close relative who offers only cake and punch.

Maybe you should keep your story straight, if you're going to offer it for debate.

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Sat, 07-19-2003 - 7:13pm
"Sophisticated" and "alcohol" have not been synonymous since the 50's, darling.

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