What do SAHMs do all day?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
What do SAHMs do all day?
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Mon, 10-14-2013 - 3:59pm

It was a question such as this that prompted  the male author to write the following article in the Huffington post.  He is tired of working moms of putting down his wife because she is SAH: 

Look, I don't cast aspersions on women who work outside of the home. I understand that many of them are forced into it because they are single mothers, or because one income simply isn't enough to meet the financial needs of their family. Or they just choose to work because that's what they want to do. Fine. I also understand that most "professional" women aren't rude, pompous and smug, like the two I met recently.

But I don't want to sing Kumbaya right now. I want to kick our backwards, materialistic society in the shins and say, "GET YOUR FREAKING HEAD ON STRAIGHT, SOCIETY."

This conversation shouldn't be necessary. I shouldn't need to explain why it's insane for anyone -- particularly other women -- to have such contempt and hostility for "stay at home" mothers. Are we really so shallow? Are we really so confused? Are we really the first culture in the history of mankind to fail to grasp the glory and seriousness of motherhood? The pagans deified Maternity and turned it into a goddess. We've gone the other direction; we treat it like a disease or an obstacle.

Read more: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/matt-walsh/youre-a-stay-at-home-mom-_b_4086126.html?utm_hp_ref=mostpopular
I also found the last couple of paragraphs interesting, he was talking about how it doesn't matter who is busier and why we try to keep score.
Any thoughts on the article?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2002
Tue, 10-15-2013 - 11:05am

The writer's all over the place, but I think he meant to say he appreciates his wife for staying home with the kids.  That's important.  Family can't work if the other spouse doesn't value a parent staying home on philosophical grounds or something.  Just in the short time I quit working to sah, the whole picture has changed.  More and more new moms who probably wanted to sah just don't have that choice anymore due to finances, where about a decade ago, they were more likely to have that choice. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2002
Tue, 10-15-2013 - 11:12am

jamblessedthree wrote:
Good for him! I have a feeling my kids' generation will be the first to see SAHM as not the norm, Let's just hope if they chose to marry and have babies and chose to stay at home they won't get ripped apart for it either. SAH is a privlege for a lot of moms (and dads I might add) and I don't know one that has ever regretted that choice. That husband raises a really good point.

I worry about the choices available in the future too.  More and more I'm realizing that a lot of moms who worked at-home while taking care of their kids have taken financial losses.  They cost their family money because of work at-home businesses or part-time out-of-home work, plus a part-time Nanny.  The 2 traditional roles may be the only ones that can survive ~ mom either works full-time in an office, or she SAH.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Tue, 10-15-2013 - 4:02pm

No need to be rude.  Sorry I asked bord, Really.  Hugs. 

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Tue, 10-15-2013 - 4:07pm

thardy2001 wrote:
<p>The writer's all over the place, but I think he meant to say he appreciates his wife for staying home with the kids.  That's important.  Family can't work if the other spouse doesn't value a parent staying home on philosophical grounds or something.  Just in the short time I quit working to sah, the whole picture has changed.  More and more new moms who probably wanted to sah just don't have that choice anymore due to finances, where about a decade ago, they were more likely to have that choice. </p>

I agree, He does lift SAH at the expense of some WOH stereotypes.  But I think it is a reality for some people to excuse away working for "things", I know nobody that stays at home for things but some - even on this board - have said SAH is a selfish choice, prehaps there are some similarities there...

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2002
Tue, 10-15-2013 - 5:10pm

jamblessedthree wrote:
  I agree, He does lift SAH at the expense of some WOH stereotypes.  But I think it is a reality for some people to excuse away working for "things", I know nobody that stays at home for things but some - even on this board - have said SAH is a selfish choice, prehaps there are some similarities there...</p>

I don't think anyone could argue SAH before children are school-age is selfish, as in "She's having an easier time staying home, unemployed, eating bon bons."  Those first years are hard on the at-home parent.  You never get a break from the OMG, Feed the Baby, Change the Baby...Where's the Baby!!  It can only be compared to living in the mind of an inmate at the local insane asylum.  Whew...sooo glad those frantic days are long gone. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Tue, 10-15-2013 - 5:10pm

jamblessedthree wrote:
<p>No need to be rude.  Sorry I asked bord, Really.  Hugs. </p>

What was rude?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Tue, 10-15-2013 - 5:11pm

jamblessedthree wrote:
<p><blockquote class="quote-msg quote-nest-1 odd"><div class="quote-author"><em class="placeholder">thardy2001</em> wrote:</div>&lt;p&gt;The writer's all over the place, but I think he meant to say he appreciates his wife for staying home with the kids.  That's important.  Family can't work if the other spouse doesn't value a parent staying home on philosophical grounds or something.  Just in the short time I quit working to sah, the whole picture has changed.  More and more new moms who probably wanted to sah just don't have that choice anymore due to finances, where about a decade ago, they were more likely to have that choice. &lt;/p&gt;</blockquote></p><p>I agree, He does lift SAH at the expense of some WOH stereotypes.  But I think it is a reality for some people to excuse away working for "things", I know nobody that stays at home for things but some - even on this board - have said SAH is a selfish choice, prehaps there are some similarities there...</p>

Why would anyone "excuse away" working for "things?"   Health care, shelter, food, education.....these are all "things" people need to pay for.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Tue, 10-15-2013 - 5:41pm

Lol thardy, I don't miss those early years at home.  Perhaps the feet up eating bon bons are where the "its all about me" comes from, I can't say I live like that, I'd hit the gym before doing that. 

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Tue, 10-15-2013 - 5:46pm
You're older than me bord. Do you think we're a more materialistic society now than when you were a kid? Just curious, Thanks.

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Tue, 10-15-2013 - 6:25pm
"You're older than me bord. Do you think we're a more materialistic society now than when you were a kid? Just curious, Thanks." I don't know. Certainly we have a generally higher standard of living now in terms of creature comfort. When I was a kid we had one shared phone and one shared bathroom and one shared car and one shared television for the entire family. Even if we had been middle class, which we were not, we would have lived less well than we do now. But we were still a greed, materialistic, possession-oriented society. The phrase "keeping up with the Jones" had been invented. I think materialism is a human failing whenever there is excess. Just got done with a Bible Study on the Book of Deuteronomy about it, as a matter of fact..

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