What do SAHMs do all day?

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
What do SAHMs do all day?
788
Mon, 10-14-2013 - 3:59pm

It was a question such as this that prompted  the male author to write the following article in the Huffington post.  He is tired of working moms of putting down his wife because she is SAH: 

Look, I don't cast aspersions on women who work outside of the home. I understand that many of them are forced into it because they are single mothers, or because one income simply isn't enough to meet the financial needs of their family. Or they just choose to work because that's what they want to do. Fine. I also understand that most "professional" women aren't rude, pompous and smug, like the two I met recently.

But I don't want to sing Kumbaya right now. I want to kick our backwards, materialistic society in the shins and say, "GET YOUR FREAKING HEAD ON STRAIGHT, SOCIETY."

This conversation shouldn't be necessary. I shouldn't need to explain why it's insane for anyone -- particularly other women -- to have such contempt and hostility for "stay at home" mothers. Are we really so shallow? Are we really so confused? Are we really the first culture in the history of mankind to fail to grasp the glory and seriousness of motherhood? The pagans deified Maternity and turned it into a goddess. We've gone the other direction; we treat it like a disease or an obstacle.

Read more: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/matt-walsh/youre-a-stay-at-home-mom-_b_4086126.html?utm_hp_ref=mostpopular
I also found the last couple of paragraphs interesting, he was talking about how it doesn't matter who is busier and why we try to keep score.
Any thoughts on the article?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Sat, 10-19-2013 - 3:01pm
See, Jamblessed, you're doing it again. I neither trivialized parenting a disabled child, nor do I give less than you do to parenting. However much you would like to vindicate yourself by believing either if those statements to be true, they are not true. The only difference between me and you? I don't go around either misunderstanding or misrepresenting what other people say of stand for and then calling myself a better person because of it. Despite all the differences among those of us who post on this board, I'm quite willing to honor the fact that we all love our families above all other earthly things and that we do what's best for them. You are not. The End.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Sat, 10-19-2013 - 4:36pm

jamblessedthree wrote:
How is parenting a 15 year old different than parenting a 19 year old bord?

Parenting a 15 year old.

I was responsible for their needs. I had to make sure there was food in the house for them to eat, that they had proper clothing for their needs etc.

If they decided to no longer attend school their father and I would get a call.  We could be held legally responsible o make sure they did attend.

Anything that needed  an adult signiture had to be signed by their father or I, insurance issues, permission slips, leaving school early because of illness etc.

I knew their schedules.  I knew when to expect them to be home and when they would not be.

If they needed transportation to go somewhere than I or another adult would have to provide it.

They had to ask  permission to do things,  not as tight of reins as when they were younger, but not the freedom of an adult.

Parenting a 19 year old. 

I was not responsible for their needs.  They bought their own clothing (with the exception of presents),  since they were away at college for much of the year they were taking care of their own food needs. 

If they decided to no longer attend school, the school would not contact us.  We had no rsponsibilties in the matter. 

Their father and I could  not sign anything for them.  

I did not know their schedules (unless they chose to share it with me).  I had no expectation of when they would be home or out.

If they needed transporation to go somewhere I did not have to drive them,   I just had to loan them my car if they had none of their own.

They did not have to ask permission to do things. They made their own decisions.  They would sometimes ask for advice but not permission.



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Sat, 10-19-2013 - 4:44pm
I will also add that after 18, you don't even have access to their medical records.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Sat, 10-19-2013 - 4:53pm

jamblessedthree wrote:
<p>What you said was that maybe morty will figure it out, Figure what out..  What does IT represent?  Don't you have a 19 year old bord?   What is IT about that age that is different than a 15 year old?  Have your DS' declared college majors yet?  None of my kids have decided what they want to study in college yet, I think that's kinda of normal for their ages.....  At 19 or 20 they'll have a better grasp of that.  I hope. </p><p> </p>

Actually unless you are completly sure of what you want your major to be not declaring until after your freshman or sophomore year is the better option.  If you declare a major than your classes are designed with that major in mind so if you later change your mind you can find that you have taken classes that you did not need and lacking classes that you do need.

If you are undeclared then you spend the first couple of years getting the basic that most everyone needs and the last couple of years are geared for your major.

DD2 knew from the time she was a little girl that she wanted to  be a teacher so she declared that from the beginning and every year her classed were geared with that in mind.

DD1 was unsure so she went in undeclared,  the first couple of years she took the basic requirements During that time she discover that she enjoyed her math classes much more than anything related to language.  So she declared herself a finance economics major, spent the last two year concentrating on that and ended up getting a job in a field that the absolutely loves. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Sat, 10-19-2013 - 4:59pm

bordwithyou wrote:
I will also add that after 18, you don't even have access to their medical records.

Or school records. 

Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Sat, 10-19-2013 - 5:20pm

See, to me anyway the beauty of parenting is watching relationship blossom anyway.  I don't think at 18 I won't even want to go through a 3rd party to find out the conditions of my childrens' health and education.  We talk and that hasn't just happened overnight. 

By the way and FWIW I am a supporter of hippa with the exception of certain things, I don't know if that's even debatable. 

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Sat, 10-19-2013 - 5:30pm

bordwithyou wrote:
I will also add that after 18, you don't even have access to their medical records.

But if they are still on your insurance and use that insurance then you get the statements from the insuracne company.  Does not tell exactly what they went to the doctor for but does let you know that they did go. 

Also they can sign giving you permission for their medical information, much like I have signed giving my DH that access.  DD2 did because while at college  she was still seeing a local Dr and because of our schedules it was much easier for me to make appointments for her when she needed them and I could only do that if she signed giving me access. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Sat, 10-19-2013 - 5:34pm

I'm in favor of medical privacy too but it is a pain in the rear end to have to get hold of your kid's vaccination records to send to college when said kid is overseas and can't get them himself, or whatever. Not insurmountable, but an example of how parenting an adult is different from parenting someone in his or her middle teens.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Sat, 10-19-2013 - 6:08pm

jamblessedthree wrote:
<p>What you said was that maybe morty will figure it out, Figure what out..  What does IT represent?  Don't you have a 19 year old bord?   What is IT about that age that is different than a 15 year old?  Have your DS' declared college majors yet?  None of my kids have decided what they want to study in college yet, I think that's kinda of normal for their ages.....  At 19 or 20 they'll have a better grasp of that.  I hope. </p><p> </p>

There is a world of difference between the average 15 and 19 year olds.  Maturity, responsibility, independence are just three things that vary vastly between the ages.  Kids are different at every ages and when you have a span of a few years between kids, the differences tend to be obvious.  My older kid is a senior in high school and it's pretty common for them to have an idea of what they want to study in college at this point, they are choosing colleges at this time that reflect those interests. 

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Sat, 10-19-2013 - 6:11pm

jamblessedthree wrote:
<p>Good, do stop dragging your personal life here then. </p><p>Of course there are developmental differences at different stages of childrens lives, how does that affect your parenting?  Are you less likely to do something for someone at 19 than at 10 or 14?  Why?  I'm sorry if you believe just b/c a child is out of the house s/he doesn't still need the parenting he's had before.  I call that conditional parenting actually. </p><p>I don't give one iota what you trust or don't, I don't trust a lot of the opinions you've expresed here either. </p><p> </p>

Jams your words might have more impact if you would stop dragging bords personal life here, or savs or mine...

<<I'm sorry if you believe just b/c a child is out of the house s/he doesn't still need the parenting he's had before.  I call that conditional parenting actually. >>

It's a different type of parenting.  I would hope that my kids don't need the same type of parenting that I did when they were younger, isn't that why one parents?  To help a child become independent?  Why would you want a college age student dependent on a parent in the same way as an early high school age student?  

And no, jams...it doesn't mean one stops parenting, it just evolves.


PumpkinAngel

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