What do we owe our familes?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2007
What do we owe our familes?
416
Fri, 11-14-2008 - 6:25am

Ok, I'll admit this career change hasn't gone as well as hoped.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Sun, 11-16-2008 - 1:08pm

IMO, kids are entitled to the basics--food, shelter, clothing, education of some kind. How parents provide these things are dependent on the parents' child raising philosophy and income. But extras such as sports, music/art lessons, horses, expensive toys aren't necessary but nice to provide. If your income used to provide them and no longer does, then the kids learn to live without or become creative in replacing them. If the parents' new income puts the child at risk of losing the basics then the parents should rethink their job choices. But if the new income means scaling down, then no.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Sun, 11-16-2008 - 1:43pm

There is a glut of teachers here


Sounds like "plan b" wasn't thought out very well...you know, for someone who's done everything right.

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Ducky

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Ducky

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2007
Sun, 11-16-2008 - 2:21pm

No.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2007
Sun, 11-16-2008 - 2:26pm

Basics are in place.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 11-16-2008 - 3:34pm
You do not owe your child music lessons. If she really is as talented as all that- and as driven- she will find a way to learn. If she would just walk away from the instrument if you weren't paying for lessons, then this is just a hobby and by no means a need. The people who really are passionate about music find a way. They don't HAVE to have their parents pay for lessons. Many of the giants of music came from poor families and played on instruments that were second hand and battered, borrowed or even handmade. You can go back to engineering if you really want to. But you don't owe your dd music lessons. You really don't. True talent finds a way. People with a burning passion FIND teachers, they find ways. And if this is just a hobby that she would abandon if you didn't support it, then it doesn't really matter in the long run. If you are looking for an argument why you really SHOULD go back to engineering even though you would rather teach, this is a reather weak one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2008
Sun, 11-16-2008 - 4:38pm

Never mind.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 11-16-2008 - 4:41pm
One argument for sticking with the job you love rather than the job with higher pay is so you won't be in any danger of falling into martyr mode. Not that people do this consciously, but if you give up what you love in order to pay for stuff for them, there is the danger that you will then think they owe you great appreciation for the sacrifice you made. Potential example: you mentioned paying for dd's music lessons as a reason to go back to engineering. Suppose you do that...you sacrifice what you want in order to pay for music lessons. Now suppose that your dd decides- after years of lessons- that tis isn't what she wants after all. Imagine your future resentment as she "throws away" everything you hacve sacrificed for. Making this return career switch is a setup for guilting your kids. Or maybe they don't feel guilty. Maybe they feel entitled. Which is just as bad but in a different way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2007
Sun, 11-16-2008 - 4:46pm

That is one to watch out for.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Sun, 11-16-2008 - 4:50pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2007
Sun, 11-16-2008 - 5:00pm

I think you hit the nail on the head.

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