what to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2008
what to do?
51
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 10:53am
I am looking at going to work full time, but of course I feel guilty. Shouldn't a mom want to spend every waking minute with her children? I feel like a bad mom even considering it. On the other hand, we could use the money, to start paying off debt we have accumulated from me being at home, start saving, etc. We live in a tiny 2 bedroom apartment and they have no yard to play in. If I work we would be able to get a house, and of course we could provide more for them. I am lucky and daycare isn't really an issue, my mom will be home with my kids, but I still feel GUILTY!!!!! My kids are 4 and 2 1/2 (twins), so I feel like I've given them a great start, but I still feel GUILTY!! I enjoy being home with them, but somedays I want to pull my hair out and things feel so out of balance. My best friend tried the stay at home thing and only lasted 4 months, she knew it wasn't for her, and doesn't seem to feel the guilt that I do. I would just like to hear how some of you dealt with these feelings, and what your decisions were. Thanks!

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Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: mommy3z
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 10:58am

There's not a human being a live I want to spend every waking minute with and that includes my 8

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2007
In reply to: mommy3z
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 11:04am

WEll in a situation like that, I think 2 1/2 is ok to leave them since it is with your mother. Especially if you think you can get further financially and be able to buy a house! I think it's the first year or 2 that is really important. After that, If I decided to go back to work, I wouldn't have a problem leaving them with my folks.


I don't feel like I need to spend every waking moment with my kids. I leave them at my parents house overnight all the time and DH and i have taken a couple vacations without the kids. In my situation, my parents watching them is the same thing as me watching them so it would make no difference. (My MIL , OTOH is another issue!! LOL )

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
In reply to: mommy3z
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 11:09am

I'm sorry to tell you that I've never had shred of guilt for working.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2004
In reply to: mommy3z
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 11:11am
I have always worked full time and I don't feel guilty. My kids (ages 5 mo and 2 yrs) enjoy daycare with other kids their age. And I spend all my time while not at work, with them. By Monday morning, I'm ready for a break from my kids-I go to work. By Friday, I really want to spend a lot more time with my kids and am happy the weekend is coming. I enjoy working (most of the time) and the money allows us to invest for the future as well as pay the bills in an expensive part of the country. IMO, you seem pretty normal and shouldn't feel guilty.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
In reply to: mommy3z
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 11:20am

I think it's the first year or 2 that is really important. After that, If I decided to go back to work, I wouldn't have a problem leaving them with my folks.


Why is the first year or two so important?

suzjuly6.jpg picture by LadyCaribou

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
In reply to: mommy3z
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 11:30am

Instead of focusing on what you think you should feel, try to get in touch with what you really do feel, and what's really at the basis of your considering returning to work right now. Is it financial, primarily? Is the burden of being a SAH parent getting to be too much? (If so, are there other ways to decrease the burden and give you a break? such as having the kids spend some time with your mom even if you don't work FT)


What is the primary motivator for you right now (financial concerns or needing some breaks)? Can working be postponed for a bit longer until you feel more comfortable leaving your kids? Would PT income be enough?


First figure out what you really need most. Then it will be easier for you to make the decision that's best for you and your family.


just some thoughts from a SAHM.

Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: mommy3z
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 11:32am
that's astonishingly clear headed advice.... ;-)
"If gay Americans are not allowed to get married and have all the benefits that American citizens are entitled to by the Bill of Rights, they should get one hell of a tax break. That is my opinion,"

- Jeane "Dear Abby" Phillips, in an interview with Lisa Leff.

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: mommy3z
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 11:33am

"Shouldn't a mom want to spend every waking minute with her children?"


Heck no!!!!!!

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Avatar for mommy2amani
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: mommy3z
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 12:27pm


I am not of the opinion that a mother should stay home at all costs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
In reply to: mommy3z
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 12:33pm

thanks


sometimes it's easy to be clear headed with regard to other people's issues.

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