what to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2008
what to do?
51
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 10:53am
I am looking at going to work full time, but of course I feel guilty. Shouldn't a mom want to spend every waking minute with her children? I feel like a bad mom even considering it. On the other hand, we could use the money, to start paying off debt we have accumulated from me being at home, start saving, etc. We live in a tiny 2 bedroom apartment and they have no yard to play in. If I work we would be able to get a house, and of course we could provide more for them. I am lucky and daycare isn't really an issue, my mom will be home with my kids, but I still feel GUILTY!!!!! My kids are 4 and 2 1/2 (twins), so I feel like I've given them a great start, but I still feel GUILTY!! I enjoy being home with them, but somedays I want to pull my hair out and things feel so out of balance. My best friend tried the stay at home thing and only lasted 4 months, she knew it wasn't for her, and doesn't seem to feel the guilt that I do. I would just like to hear how some of you dealt with these feelings, and what your decisions were. Thanks!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
In reply to: mommy3z
Sat, 01-26-2008 - 11:19am
I totally agree - but you knew that. ;-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
In reply to: mommy3z
Sat, 01-26-2008 - 10:26am
we've been here for every milestone that my middle dd has NOT reached, LOL!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: mommy3z
Sat, 01-26-2008 - 10:07am
ITA. The only important thing about developmental milestones are whether or not they happen and what that means. Who happens to see them first need not even be on the radar.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2007
In reply to: mommy3z
Sat, 01-26-2008 - 9:57am
And it's not like they look at the clock and think, "Oh, geez, it's 5pm and Mom's coming to get me soon! Better knock off the crawling practice!!"

~~~~~~~~~

Kitty

"I think Noonan is at least eight years too late when she laments that faith now trumps competence in GOP politics. It didn't seem to bother her much when a candidate she supported -- the catastrophically underqualified GWB -- was running and citing Jesus as his favorite political philosopher...It's like the old saying: When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with Hucka-fleas..."--Gator

~~~~~~~~~

Kitty

"BTW, I hate Lifetime. Their movies will suck you in and all of a sudden you've watched 3 in a row, used every tissue in t

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
In reply to: mommy3z
Sat, 01-26-2008 - 9:04am
I'm glad I'm not the only one. I was just having this conversation with my DH. We have completely contradictory memories of when DS1 started to crawl, walk, and talk. I should've kept a baby book. (and I was actually home for most of them)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
In reply to: mommy3z
Sat, 01-26-2008 - 8:50am

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I'm a teacher too (have been for 16 years) and KNOW that I have had lots of everyday experiences with him -- and his siblings too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
In reply to: mommy3z
Sat, 01-26-2008 - 8:45am

i remember watching hours and hours and hours of all that practice....really seems self-evident, doesn't it?


eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
In reply to: mommy3z
Sat, 01-26-2008 - 8:42am

well, you're the one that's going on and on about how important it is to "be there" for all their "firsts"....what if you have a child who never achieves ANY of those milestones?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2007
In reply to: mommy3z
Sat, 01-26-2008 - 7:44am

" I feel like it's not the best thing for ME to be working. I think it's been harder for me than my son. I want to be the one with him every day experiencing it all with him."

Exactly. I believe it's more about what's best for mom, and it's just dressed up as what's best for children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2007
In reply to: mommy3z
Sat, 01-26-2008 - 7:42am


I was going to make almost the same exact response to that post. I also know when mine is going to reach a new milestone. She has never surprised me.
"I must be magic, then."

Ya, me too. It really gives me a boost when I hear sahms talk about all those things we wohms can't do because we woh, when I do all those things anyway, kwim? When sahms say things like that, they think it's making them sound like better moms, but it's really making them seem incompetent.

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