what to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2008
what to do?
51
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 10:53am
I am looking at going to work full time, but of course I feel guilty. Shouldn't a mom want to spend every waking minute with her children? I feel like a bad mom even considering it. On the other hand, we could use the money, to start paying off debt we have accumulated from me being at home, start saving, etc. We live in a tiny 2 bedroom apartment and they have no yard to play in. If I work we would be able to get a house, and of course we could provide more for them. I am lucky and daycare isn't really an issue, my mom will be home with my kids, but I still feel GUILTY!!!!! My kids are 4 and 2 1/2 (twins), so I feel like I've given them a great start, but I still feel GUILTY!! I enjoy being home with them, but somedays I want to pull my hair out and things feel so out of balance. My best friend tried the stay at home thing and only lasted 4 months, she knew it wasn't for her, and doesn't seem to feel the guilt that I do. I would just like to hear how some of you dealt with these feelings, and what your decisions were. Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
In reply to: mommy3z
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 12:37pm

<< In a few short years, your children will be in school, and your working will make little difference in how much time you have with them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
In reply to: mommy3z
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 12:39pm
Very good advice!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2007
In reply to: mommy3z
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 2:00pm

I'm quite envious of you - I'm a SAHM and so much about the way we structure our lives revolves around my husband's hours at work/shifts, and the fact that we have no family locally (one set in a different state, one in a different country).

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
In reply to: mommy3z
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 2:21pm
thanks too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
In reply to: mommy3z
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 2:56pm
Do you have a dh?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2007
In reply to: mommy3z
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 11:04am
B/C of all the different milestones and things they do in the first year or two.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
In reply to: mommy3z
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 11:07am

But those milestones, while many, pale in comparison to the milestones that come later. At least, from my perspective of looking back after 30 years of parenting. And aren't remembered by the child at all. But being there for the school play, 9th grade graduation, sports events are remembered. As are the weddings, miscarriages, births, etc. that come with having adult children.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
In reply to: mommy3z
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 11:10am

They reach alot of milestones in years 2-18, too.


And 18-22.

suzjuly6.jpg picture by LadyCaribou

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2007
In reply to: mommy3z
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 11:29am

I meant developmental milestones. It's not even really about being the "first" to see it. (DD crawled while I was on vacation so I missed that but it really wasn't a big deal to me b/c i saw it when I got back). However, I had been around all day long with her so I could see that she was getting ready to do it, so I wasn't surprised when I got back and found out she did. Stuff like that DH misses out on b/c he works fulltime.


I'm just talking about the process of watching them trying to learn and do things.


Also, to me, when they are that tiny, I feel they should be with their mom.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
In reply to: mommy3z
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 11:34am

Also, to me, when they are that tiny, I feel they should be with their mom.


Well then it is a good thing that worked out for you, then.


suzjuly6.jpg picture by LadyCaribou