what to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2008
what to do?
51
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 10:53am
I am looking at going to work full time, but of course I feel guilty. Shouldn't a mom want to spend every waking minute with her children? I feel like a bad mom even considering it. On the other hand, we could use the money, to start paying off debt we have accumulated from me being at home, start saving, etc. We live in a tiny 2 bedroom apartment and they have no yard to play in. If I work we would be able to get a house, and of course we could provide more for them. I am lucky and daycare isn't really an issue, my mom will be home with my kids, but I still feel GUILTY!!!!! My kids are 4 and 2 1/2 (twins), so I feel like I've given them a great start, but I still feel GUILTY!! I enjoy being home with them, but somedays I want to pull my hair out and things feel so out of balance. My best friend tried the stay at home thing and only lasted 4 months, she knew it wasn't for her, and doesn't seem to feel the guilt that I do. I would just like to hear how some of you dealt with these feelings, and what your decisions were. Thanks!
Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: mommy3z
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 11:44am

What I loved about lizas caregivers is that I felt we were a team in that -- when Liza was getting ready to crawl we were ALL anticipating it -- and when she did crawl and walk and talk and all those other things we all enjoyed that together.

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
In reply to: mommy3z
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 11:48am

>Also, to me, when they are that tiny, I feel they should be with their mom.<

Then I'm glad you get to do that. I didn't feel that way. Giving a speach at 9th grad graduation was a way more important milestone, hands down, for Erica than walking ever was. We knew that she would learn to walk, we weren't ever sure that she would be able to speak in public.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
In reply to: mommy3z
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 11:49am

Oh, yeah. Parents spend the first 2 years wishing for their children to walk and talk and then the next 18 years wishing they'd sit down and shut up.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: mommy3z
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 11:51am

You know I remember Liza's first word very clearly-- it was "COLD!" said with great indignation.

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
In reply to: mommy3z
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 11:53am
Ohhhh yeah.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
In reply to: mommy3z
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 12:30pm
and what about a child who never makes any milestones?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2007
In reply to: mommy3z
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 1:06pm
You and your husband need to sit down and think this out.
Jess


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
In reply to: mommy3z
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 3:16pm

I do remember Dylan's first word. It was down. Boy, was I ever glad to hear that word.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
In reply to: mommy3z
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 3:21pm

Whenever I hear about how important it is that a parent (read "mommy") sees those first milestones, I think about the clients at dh's work. A parent can wait a long time for their 45, 60, 80 yo child (assuming that the parent is still alive; a lot of clients have outlived their immediate family) walk or talk. Against those parents' experiences and yours, those milestones pale in comparison. I thank God daily that talking is the only thing that I have to contend with in raising Dylan. As the son of older parents (we were 45 when he was born), I am very grateful.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2007
In reply to: mommy3z
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 3:47pm
I've always felt like I was lacking a proud mom gene when it came to milestones.