What exactly is parenting?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
What exactly is parenting?
596
Sat, 02-26-2005 - 10:39am

A lot of discussion on this board centers around arguing about who is parenting your child. Yet, what exactly is parenting? What is it that a SAHM does that a WOHM can't do, just differently or in different amounts?

Some of the discussion on this board concerns who does the housework. A clean house is important, but is it parenting? Home-cooked meals are important, but if the overall nutrition provided by a WOHM is good, which part is parenting?

For example, parenting may mean attending a child's volleyball games. As a WOHM, I attended all my daughter's volleyball games, even away games. However, we probably had pizza or McDonald's or cereal for supper that night. Had I been a SAHM, I would have cooked a better meal and my house would have been cleaner. Both good things, but what is the line between parenting and housework? I was a single mom and had no choice, but honestly, I would have gone crazy being a SAHM even if I could have. I admire SAHMs, I admire WOHMs too, I admire any Mom because it's not easy and the rewards are sometimes big and/or immediate, sometimes small and/or delayed, sometimes doubtful and dubious.

Is parenting teaching? If it's wrong to send a toddler to day care or preschool, why is it okay to send a 5-year-old to kindergarten? Or a 16-year-old to high school? Can we only call ourselves parents if we home-school?

I believe that families are different. Children are different. Parents are different. Interests, priorities and needs are different. There are some non-negotiables, such as a safe home, good nutrition, education, love, attention; but there are many different ways of achieving them.

I'm a grandmother. I watch my wonderful daughter and her wonderful husband work hard to meet their children's needs. My daughter was a part-time WOHM, now is a SAHM. There are trade-offs. It wasn't easy working, it isn't easy staying home, with three toddlers, including twins. But the love and good parenting were there when she WOH and they are there now. To be completely honest, I find it incredibly more enjoyable to spend time with my grandkids than I remember with my own kids, because I only have to love them, I don't have to raise them. Patience is so easy one day at a time.

Why are mothers so judgemental of each other? Are we that insecure that we have to criticize those who do it differently than we do? Can't we just realize we are all human, we all make mistakes, when we are at our best, we do our best and even shine, and when we're not at our best, we depend on those we love to help us and forgive us for our humanness?

Some WOHMs spend too much time at work and miss important time with their families. Some SAHMs place too much emphasis on a clean house and miss important time with their families. Wrong priorities can happen anywhere. Right priorities can happen anywhere.

There are far too many people willing to judge. Far too few people offering support.

I'm not a regular on this board, though I browse (is it called lurking?) from time to time. I realize it's a debate board. I realize it's normal to get blasted. I realize some will believe I ought not be entering the fray. So be it.

Hugs to all.

Grandma J

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 11:39am

<>

The irony of your posting, particularly on the subject of obesity, is that the majority of doctors agree that eating MORE frequently throughout the day (5 to 6 smaller meals) is FAR more healthy and corelates to significantly lower incidences of obesity than eating 3 meals a day.

Given your demonstrated ignorance on the topic of healthful eating, it's difficult to lend much credence to your "knowledge" base wrt to how working affects these topics.

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 11:41am

Yikes. I guess I inadvertently touched a nerve. You've got some serious anger issues there. No need to take them out on me. I answered your questions.

To even posit that both parents should quit their jobs was outlandish in the first place. People have to eat. That's just an impossibility. My question for debate was within the realm of possibility. You're just on some bender trying to make yourself feel better because it is a possibility that having one parent home in times of a crisis such as obesity, drugs/alcohol/sexual promiscuity is a solution.

How detestable to think one would have to sah. The sahm-bashing continues....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 11:42am

But she does have constant supervision. She is at school, after school program and then she picks her up from school. They have alarms on the windows and doors and a security system so she can not escape the house at night.


How would her grandmother staying home while the child is at school solve the problems the child has?


Now, if the child is kicked out of school, one of them is going to stay home but it is still not going to solve the problems this child has. I personally (and grossly unqualified) think the child needs an in house sexual abuse recovery program that she goes to for weeks or years. A boarding school for troubled kids. If she is like this at 11 and barely controllable, how will she be at 15? At 16? I have friends that think she will end up killing one of them. It is so, so sad but the in house treatment programs are outlandishly expensive and they don't want to send her away. They don't want her to feel she is being abandoned again.


Having a parent that stays home is simply a miniscule spot of guaze on a huge, gaping wound. Working status of a parent is the least of their concerns.

"The dinosaurs became extinct because they didn't have a space program." Larry Nivens

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 11:46am
It's not SAH bashing. You're just asking an incredibly stupid question.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 11:46am

But if a child is in a psych hospital, how is it benefitting the child to have a SAHP when the child isn't even there? And BTW, most psych hospitals are private and they won't even admit a prson who does not have insurance. So if you show up with your child, say well I quit and gave up my insurance, they would probably slam teh door in your face.

No I'd say maintaining my health insurance would be one of the most important things I did.

Susan

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 11:47am

Not stopping work entirely but being more available would be good...wouldn't it?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 11:47am

I don't see it as a bender. I read the whole thread and not once did you post that you realized staying home would only be a possibility for

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 11:49am

so if someone disagrees with you, they automatically are a SAHM basher and have anger problems?

Gotcha

Susan

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 11:51am

It was a joke. I guess I should have put the smiley icon on it. I get get a bit tired of holier than thou "my child will never eat a lunchable" attitudes. Bleh!

Susan

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 11:53am

Shh...Susan, don't tell anyone but I am home and my child just ate a lunchable. I even opened it for him. The horrors! The horror of it all.


"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

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