What exactly is parenting?
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| Sat, 02-26-2005 - 10:39am |
A lot of discussion on this board centers around arguing about who is parenting your child. Yet, what exactly is parenting? What is it that a SAHM does that a WOHM can't do, just differently or in different amounts?
Some of the discussion on this board concerns who does the housework. A clean house is important, but is it parenting? Home-cooked meals are important, but if the overall nutrition provided by a WOHM is good, which part is parenting?
For example, parenting may mean attending a child's volleyball games. As a WOHM, I attended all my daughter's volleyball games, even away games. However, we probably had pizza or McDonald's or cereal for supper that night. Had I been a SAHM, I would have cooked a better meal and my house would have been cleaner. Both good things, but what is the line between parenting and housework? I was a single mom and had no choice, but honestly, I would have gone crazy being a SAHM even if I could have. I admire SAHMs, I admire WOHMs too, I admire any Mom because it's not easy and the rewards are sometimes big and/or immediate, sometimes small and/or delayed, sometimes doubtful and dubious.
Is parenting teaching? If it's wrong to send a toddler to day care or preschool, why is it okay to send a 5-year-old to kindergarten? Or a 16-year-old to high school? Can we only call ourselves parents if we home-school?
I believe that families are different. Children are different. Parents are different. Interests, priorities and needs are different. There are some non-negotiables, such as a safe home, good nutrition, education, love, attention; but there are many different ways of achieving them.
I'm a grandmother. I watch my wonderful daughter and her wonderful husband work hard to meet their children's needs. My daughter was a part-time WOHM, now is a SAHM. There are trade-offs. It wasn't easy working, it isn't easy staying home, with three toddlers, including twins. But the love and good parenting were there when she WOH and they are there now. To be completely honest, I find it incredibly more enjoyable to spend time with my grandkids than I remember with my own kids, because I only have to love them, I don't have to raise them. Patience is so easy one day at a time.
Why are mothers so judgemental of each other? Are we that insecure that we have to criticize those who do it differently than we do? Can't we just realize we are all human, we all make mistakes, when we are at our best, we do our best and even shine, and when we're not at our best, we depend on those we love to help us and forgive us for our humanness?
Some WOHMs spend too much time at work and miss important time with their families. Some SAHMs place too much emphasis on a clean house and miss important time with their families. Wrong priorities can happen anywhere. Right priorities can happen anywhere.
There are far too many people willing to judge. Far too few people offering support.
I'm not a regular on this board, though I browse (is it called lurking?) from time to time. I realize it's a debate board. I realize it's normal to get blasted. I realize some will believe I ought not be entering the fray. So be it.
Hugs to all.
Grandma J

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Have you ever worked in a daycare? Here in CA, snacks are mandated by the state. There are food guide lines that daycares must follow. The family daycare that Dylan went to (and that I work in on an on call basis) had breakfast for those who didn't eat at home at 8am, morning snack around 10am, lunch at noon, and afternoon snack around 4pm. If any child didn't want the snack, they weren't given any but snack has to be offered. Juice is served for breakfast or morning snack, not both. Water is the prefered drink for snack time. Milk is offered at breakfast and lunch. The children cannot eat all day long. Food is only available at meal/snack times. If the child doesn't eat then, they wait for the next meal/snack time just like at home. Or at least like our house.
Young children can't wait 4-6 hours for the next meal. Even in first grade, the children are encouraged to bring a healthy morning snack. You would have your 2 yo (for example) wait 4 + hours between breakfast and lunch without eating anything?
Chris
The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett
Anger?
PumpkinAngel
Oh, LOL!!!! No, not a nerve! Just my funny bone. Okay, I'm trying to stop laughing her long enough to cover your ridiculous comments. Deep breath.... okay.
<> No, honey, sorry, no anger issues. If you think you can make me angry over your silly posts, you must have ego issues.
<> Okay, in my post, I said, "take a different job," meaning one with less hours.
<> I believe I covered that.
<> So is mine. You don't know that there's not a situation where both parents might be needed after school. You just haven't come across it.
<> Nope, not even close. What do I need to feel better about? I already feel great about my work and home life situation.
<> Oh, no. I didn't bash *all* SAHMs. I have wonderful friends who are SAHMs. I have respect for anyone who does what is best for their family. I believe I was directly responding to you alone.
Of course. And he's probably in a position to do so. Nothing would stop him from being at-home when our child needs him in the event one sahp (and a babysitter for the other children) was not enough on a particular day or days.
We already have a sahp so if a crisis arises, all of these questions (too many for me to continue answering a third and fourth time) are irrelevant to us.
I clarified days ago, I'm not such a militant I would espouse having a sahp home when a child is in school! I guess I could repeat that again. I don't know.
Again, I'm asked if I would go back to work under circumstances which would do not apply to me - a disabled spouse, a divorce or lack of sufficient income. I've answered I would "absolutely" return to work.
I asked the same of wohms - are you willing to quit if that's what it took as a starting point for a child in crisis.
I thought you and everyone here recently made a huge point of stating that you were all choose-to-work moms.
Now all of a sudden, everyone needs to work and in fact loses her family's health insurance if she quits! Whatever, I guess!
Oh, I knew you'd punt. Answer my question:
<>
Yes, I would lose our health insurance. Don't you think health insurance is important, especially for a kid in crisis?
You make it sound like it's a non-issue. Whatever, I guess.
You're the one who thinks WW actually works!!
So, no, I'm not the one who needs to be educated here.
Growing up, my siblings, parents and I were always skinny - not just because of the abundance of exercise we got - but because we ate 3 satisfying meals everyday. No snacks. The same works in my family now.
Entire generations until recently have gone by the 3 meal a day habit. Eating all day (you can pretend it's 5 or 6 small but healthy "meals") is a novelty and that's part of the obesity problem too. Just read the newspaper (not the WW propaganda!).
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