What exactly is parenting?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
What exactly is parenting?
596
Sat, 02-26-2005 - 10:39am

A lot of discussion on this board centers around arguing about who is parenting your child. Yet, what exactly is parenting? What is it that a SAHM does that a WOHM can't do, just differently or in different amounts?

Some of the discussion on this board concerns who does the housework. A clean house is important, but is it parenting? Home-cooked meals are important, but if the overall nutrition provided by a WOHM is good, which part is parenting?

For example, parenting may mean attending a child's volleyball games. As a WOHM, I attended all my daughter's volleyball games, even away games. However, we probably had pizza or McDonald's or cereal for supper that night. Had I been a SAHM, I would have cooked a better meal and my house would have been cleaner. Both good things, but what is the line between parenting and housework? I was a single mom and had no choice, but honestly, I would have gone crazy being a SAHM even if I could have. I admire SAHMs, I admire WOHMs too, I admire any Mom because it's not easy and the rewards are sometimes big and/or immediate, sometimes small and/or delayed, sometimes doubtful and dubious.

Is parenting teaching? If it's wrong to send a toddler to day care or preschool, why is it okay to send a 5-year-old to kindergarten? Or a 16-year-old to high school? Can we only call ourselves parents if we home-school?

I believe that families are different. Children are different. Parents are different. Interests, priorities and needs are different. There are some non-negotiables, such as a safe home, good nutrition, education, love, attention; but there are many different ways of achieving them.

I'm a grandmother. I watch my wonderful daughter and her wonderful husband work hard to meet their children's needs. My daughter was a part-time WOHM, now is a SAHM. There are trade-offs. It wasn't easy working, it isn't easy staying home, with three toddlers, including twins. But the love and good parenting were there when she WOH and they are there now. To be completely honest, I find it incredibly more enjoyable to spend time with my grandkids than I remember with my own kids, because I only have to love them, I don't have to raise them. Patience is so easy one day at a time.

Why are mothers so judgemental of each other? Are we that insecure that we have to criticize those who do it differently than we do? Can't we just realize we are all human, we all make mistakes, when we are at our best, we do our best and even shine, and when we're not at our best, we depend on those we love to help us and forgive us for our humanness?

Some WOHMs spend too much time at work and miss important time with their families. Some SAHMs place too much emphasis on a clean house and miss important time with their families. Wrong priorities can happen anywhere. Right priorities can happen anywhere.

There are far too many people willing to judge. Far too few people offering support.

I'm not a regular on this board, though I browse (is it called lurking?) from time to time. I realize it's a debate board. I realize it's normal to get blasted. I realize some will believe I ought not be entering the fray. So be it.

Hugs to all.

Grandma J

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Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 12:26pm
<> Thanks, we all are.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 12:28pm

<>


Then why on the fuss on Lauren's posts?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 12:30pm

<> As a sahp, I get to wait for them to ask me for food. They rarely do. They're used to 3 meals and fruit in the p.m.

<> Nope, I don't believe in juice in the home at all anymore. It took me a while to realize it, but it's completely empty calories, some vitamins which you can get from a balanced diet.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 12:33pm
Weight Watchers does work for some people. It's basically just as organized system for portion control. I don't see why it wouldn't. As for whatever works for you working... that's great. That doesn't mean it's the only way. Amazingly enough, people's metabolisms and body types etc differ in infinite ways. No one thing works across the board. Different people have different issues. For some people, eating 3 times a day works. For others, eating 5-6 mini meals works better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 12:35pm

I didn't punt....but nice diversion to answering my questions.


As I said it depends on which crisis.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 12:41pm

"Interesting that you chose Sweden and not the Netherlands! LOL. I have a feeling the US is doing just a wee bit better than the Netherlands, don't you?"

Actually, no. The Netherlands, in terms of drug abuse, has an even lower rate than Sweden....and all of Europe pretty much wipes the floor with the U.S. in terms of teen pregnancies. I chose Sweden as an example of a society where the vast majority of children have dual WOHPs. If your theory that having a SAHP somehow lessens the risks were true, I would have expected to see Sweden doing worse than the U.S. It isn't.

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 12:51pm
QM, I must respectfully disagree. Most times when we go out to eat, there's enough on my plate for 2-3 meals. But when we're home, I have the option of plating the food at the stove and bringing it to the table, and there's my portion control. I don't do it that way because my kids are so skinny that I actually want to see them take seconds, but I *could* see myself doing that. Now that I think about it, that's what I do for my sister, who is trying to cut down. That way, she doesn't have to see how much is left on the stove.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 1:04pm
Are you talking about Weight Watchers International? Because if you are, they have a very good record of longterm weight loss -- it does work.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 1:04pm
I'm not so sure you're right about that. Last time I read about it, most people in the US were at ff places several times per week. Who knows why, maybe because they really like the food, or maybe because they don't cook, I don't know. But I'll betcha most of the time they order the same things every time: the quarter pounder with cheese, the supersize fries, the super slurp coke, the colossal shake. I know that's what my kids would want, no matter how often we went. They wouldn't go there and order salad, unless I made them. No point in even going if they can't have what they want. That's why we seldom go.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 1:08pm
I'm not sure where you are getting your information about daycares and snacks. In my state, licensed daycares can submit their weekly menus to a registered dietician for approval, and if they are approved, the daycare can buy surplus commodities for a greatly reduced rate. Four surprise inspections are held every year, along with regular announced inspections, to make sure that what is on the menu is actually being served. I never worried about what my kids were eating at daycare -- holidays and birthday parties excepted. Then, I admit, all bets were off.

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