What happened to real grandmothers?

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Registered: 03-26-2003
What happened to real grandmothers?
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Fri, 04-11-2003 - 11:20am
I


Edited 4/11/2003 7:46:03 PM ET by hallejahs_mom
Tonya

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Registered: 12-12-2002
Fri, 04-11-2003 - 11:37am
Quite a bit of judgmentalness in that post, don't you think? Well, let's skip that b/c if I don't, I'll probably respond in much the same manner.

As for having children later in life? NOTHING is wrong with it, if it is what YOU want. My cousin just had her first (and only) child at 42. Great for her. She lost twins during labor when she was 17, which was terribly hard on her, but let me tell you, she wasn't ready to have kids until just recently. I love her to death, but that is the truth! But it isn't the same for everyone.

In my maternal family, the past 5 generations have had children young. I cannot remember how old my great-great grandma was, but she was early 20s or late teens, I know when she had my great-grandma. My great-grandma was 20

when she had my grandma, my grandma was 17 when she had my biomom and my biomom was 21 when she had me, and I was 19 when I had daughter (21 when I had son). Those numbers have given my daughter and myself one of the greatest gifts ever. We have both gotten to meet our great-great grandmothers. And yes, I remember mine. She died when I was 6. I now have in my possession the candle holder (old mexican-style one) that sat on her bedside table everynight burning. I have had the opportunity to KNOW my great-grandma. I even lived with her during my senior year of high school for the last half of it. We took care of each other. She was there when both of my babies were born, and held them, and has gotten to know them. Now that she is dying, I treasure every minute of that! EVERY minute! Sunday, we are going to have a 5 generation picture done. That is right, great-grandma, grandma, biomom, me and my daughter. We had one done when I was a baby with MY great-great grandma! So this is very special to us. And something my great-grandma can show off to everyone in her retirement home! And trust me, she will!!!

For me, I am thrilled that I will be only 39 when my YOUNGEST graduates high school. Then I can concentrate on a career (if I so choose to go that route). But I will NEVER be unavailable to my children or grandchildren (or hopefully my great and great-great grandchildren). I so much look forward to meeting each addition into our family, and embracing them with the same love and time and committment that my own grandmothers (greats included) showed to me.

So, maybe it isn't for you...whatever, my life isn't about making YOU happy. Or even doing the same thing that would make YOU happy. And if someone else doesn't approve...well, so be it!

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-11-2003 - 11:45am
I guess it depends on your community.

A lot of my friends are MOTHERS in their 40s. The oldest child of any of my friends is 11.

So I don't think I understand the demographic you're talking about or your points. It really varies so much among families.

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-11-2003 - 11:53am
But can't you do both? Why can't you be "free" and relive your youth, so to speak, and have all sorts of fun without being tied down, and still be an involved grandparent? And still be a role model?

Sounds to me like your idea of irresponsible doens't mesh with mine. I think you can party, even drink, go out till all hours of the morning, etc and be responsible. In fact, I think doing that is a better role model than someone who avoids those things in the guise of being responsible.

Anyhoo, that's my $.02.

Hollie

Avatar for biancamami
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Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 04-11-2003 - 11:54am
I'm having a hard time understanding your post...are you saying that grandmothers in their 50-60's are not real grandmothers? Are you saying that having children early in life is not a good idea? Sorry....but you lost me.

My Mother had her children at the same exact age that I'm having mine (early 20's) For us, this is the prefect age. Both my MIL and my Mother have helped me care for my children and I'm grateful that they are still physically able to...because they had their kids early enough in life that they can now fully participate in the lives of their grandchildren. This is a very important part of my culture as is having children in your younger years...its just they way that families in my culture have operated for hundreds of years. And they BOTH love being called "abuelita" (grandma) As for the grandmas that are out there clubbing? Sorry, I haven't met any of them!!

Am I opposed to older mothers? Absolutely not. I know that is more common in this country because many women want to establish their careers before they have children....more power to them! I was actually surprised to find that in my Lamaze class for first-time moms I was about 10-15 years younger than anyone else. If that's when they have decided they are ready for children, great for them!! I think there are challenges in being an older mother and there are challenges in being a younger mother too. But everyone has to make the choice they feel is best for them.

Ana
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-11-2003 - 11:57am
Let me explain this first before anyone responds to my post:

I am NOT stating the following:

-Having children young is wrong

-choosing to have children only AFTER you've completed your life events is wrong

-or that you MUST wait until you're older to have children

My post is generally stating that why is it so wrong, with some people who feel this way. that having children at a later age is wrong in their eyes?

Please remember I am not stating that one way is right or wrong, just asking a question.

Whhhew, I hope you all get this before you post answers. If not, I know I will hear the worse.

Tonya
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-11-2003 - 12:00pm
I guess my second post didn't reach the post in time before replies.

I really hope you read it because I kne wthis would happen.

I am not juding anyone for having children young or old.

Better yet, I'll just let you read on until you see my second post.

Sorry.

Tonya
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Registered: 12-12-2002
Fri, 04-11-2003 - 12:01pm
If you aren't making any judgements, then why this comment? (and I quote):

"The way the world is going people should not be so eager to have kids so early, if they can help it. This way it gives you a chance to grow up yourself and not rethink later on in life that you now need time to yourself. Yeah, you can say, well if I have my children early, by the time I'm in my late 30s I can be free. NOT! It doesn't stop there. What about the grandchildren?"

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

Avatar for bluedaisydawg
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-11-2003 - 12:06pm
i LOVE that my mom is in her 40s - she's a great grandma. she has 3 grandchildren already and another one on the way. she's young enough that she gets down and plays with them and can run around after them and not be exhausted (and trust me, when the three of them get together, age 2, 2, and 10months, it's a handful!) my dad is turning 50 this year and he's the same way - loves doing stuff with the grandkids and taking them places. i feel very comfortable leaving my kids with them because i know my parents are healthy and strong and can deal with my very energetic very mobile ds.

not sure what you mean by "real" grandparents? they travel and do their own thing too and i think that is great. they recently went away for a month on a driving holiday. it's great that they're young enough to enjoy stuff like that as well - my brother and i talk about this a lot and we both agree that we want to live our lives that way too. we both had kids in our early 20s (my first when i was 24, his first when he was 23) and we're both looking forward to traveling and having fun in our 40s without kids. we're also hoping our kids will have kids in their early 20s so we'll be young enough to have fun with with and do all the things our parents do with our kids. heck - my mom will be in her 60s then and possibly a great grandma!! i love the idea that she'll be around long enough to see my kids have kids!

anyway - that is my 2cents - not all young grandparents are out drinking and partying just like not all young parents fit that stereotype!

:) emily (ds 10 months, edd may 22)

oh - my mom (and dad) loves being called grandma - gammy actually because grandma is hard for a 2 yr old to say LOL! she also has a shirt she wears all the time when she's out and about with the kids that says WORLD'S GREATEST GRANDMA.

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-11-2003 - 12:08pm
There is nothing wrong with being free and doing young things. I was just talking about some of the experiences *I've seen*. It was actually venting. I kinda got off track.

But the post was meant to ask why *some* people think that having children after you're older (over 30) is so grose (sp??).

The question was geared towards them who think so, not to anyone else. I don't have an opinion as to when a child should be born either way. It is everyone's personal choice. I chose later, but that has nothing to do with people who have them at a younger age. It is their choice.

Tonya
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-11-2003 - 12:10pm
Well, apparently this is my cue to just get the heck off of this board for the weekend. HUH??? Having a child at any age makes you a parent. When your child has a child, at whatever age, that makes you a grandparent. How you choose to pursue either of those roles is completely unique to your own personal situation.

My mother is still working full-time. She's past 60 and has 40+ years in her field, and she's planning on working as long as she's able. But she's still a grandmother, because several of her children are parents. Both of my grandmothers were in their 60's when I was born, but I knew them well before they died. I also had one great-grandmother who died when I was in elementary school and she was past 90. Anything's possible.

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