What if your daughter........

Avatar for cindytree
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
What if your daughter........
Tue, 07-15-2003 - 11:14pm
or your daughter-in-law someday chooses to do the opposite of what you do? What if you believe strongly in and are a SAHM, and she decides to WOH full-time and sends her young children or infant to daycare...or if you believe strongly in and are a WOHM and she decides she wants to be home all the time with her kids, giving up a promising career or not using her college degree?

Would you try to influence her decision? Would it matter to you? Do you hope she will choose as you did?

I know sons can be SAH too, but for the sake of this discussion, because we are mostly women here, I'm focusing on daughters or daughters-in-law.


Edited 7/16/2003 12:13:22 AM ET by cindytree


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-1998
Tue, 07-15-2003 - 11:20pm
I would encourage her to do whatever she and her SO decided was best for their family. The only way I might try to dissuade her was if I felt she had been talked or coerced into doing something she really didn't feel comfortable with (not necessarily what *I* was comfortable with).


Edited 7/15/2003 11:21:19 PM ET by yappat


"If you need something done, ask the busy man. The other kind has no

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-16-2003 - 6:19am
They are adults and they mkae their own decisions.

But techinically there is no opposite of me since I have done both and I don't have any strong feelings one way or the other.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2001
Wed, 07-16-2003 - 6:41am
I am prepared for one dd to be a wohm and the other most likely a wahm. They have experienced me as a working mom ... they don't remember I sah with them until they were 20 mos old. They both know they want to work, one dd has ambition for college and a career, my other dd likes what I do ... a wah job, only she says she'd rather take care of dogs. She means no offense, she just loves dogs more than kids, lol.

My views will not interfere unless I am concerned either one is not happy or is being forced to do something they do not want ...



Linda - wife, mother, grandmum                     &nb

Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 07-16-2003 - 7:25am
I don't believe strongly either way, so if my DIL someday is a SAHM, I say great if it's what's best for the family. And as long as it's a mutual decision between her and my DS. To me, THAT is the most important consideration.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-16-2003 - 7:47am
That's her and her husband's decision. Its really none of my business.

Until/Unless the kids are neglected, unhealthy, obviously unhappy, etc.

I hope my dd and/or dil do what's right for THEIR family.


Avatar for kazoomom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 07-16-2003 - 8:31am
Heaven help the women who become my daughters-in-law. If they choose to WOH, I will roll my eyes and sigh deeply and exclaim that back in MY day, women who loved their families stayed home with the kids and isn't it a shame that my son doesn't get all the homecooked meals and attention he got as a young boy. If they choose to SAH, I will roll my eyes, sigh deeply and exclaim that back in MY day, women didn't sit around waiting for their husbands to take care of them and isn't it a shame my son didn't marry a strong independent woman like their father did....

Will there ever be women good enough for my sons? ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-16-2003 - 9:00am
I won't say a word. My MIL was very concerned about using childcare and the fact that I planned to continue working FT, but didn't breathe a word about it. And now she sees how well it's working for us. But she never voiced an opinion, and I really respect her for that.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Wed, 07-16-2003 - 10:22am
Are YOU my MIL?????

Seriously, I want my DIL to do whatever they and my sons feel is best for them.

What about you cindytree? Will you be upset if your daughters choose to woh?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Wed, 07-16-2003 - 11:14am
Her kids, her choice! FWIW, my sister talks about WOH when she has kids and I've said that if DH and I move by her, I'll watch her kids for her while she's working. Given her odd hours, it would only be until noon-ish anyway.

If it were my DIL or DD, I'd keep my mouth shut b/c I know how much my MILs input about what I'm doing "wrong" as a mother has p*ssed me off.

But God help me the day I become the MIL...


Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-16-2003 - 3:50pm
I am hoping my daughters in law are smart enough to use their own brains to make their own decisions. I don't want my sons to marry dolts who aren't smart enough to do what THEY think is right for their family. I cannot imagine interfering in the decisions of another married couple, regardless of whether one of them is my child.