what made you decide to do what you do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
what made you decide to do what you do?
1246
Wed, 05-21-2003 - 12:18pm
In the interest of changing the subject back to something that is actually relevant to a SAH/WOH debate (LOL!), I will pose a question to anyone who wants to answer:

Who or what would you say was the greatest influence on your decision to SAH or WOH, whichever one you do (or want to do, if you aren't doing what you want)? Did any particular person, circumstance, situation, or anything else lead you to decide this question one way or the other?

What if two different influences conflicted? How did you make the decision then?

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Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Thu, 05-29-2003 - 1:42am
Well, where I am winter storms don't lend themselves to outside activity.

If your kids like their lives, bully for you. But my kids would HATE your kids life. My dd made it very clear early on that she didn't want to do more than one activity at a time. She simply likes being home. And, contrary to your limited understanding, being home doesn't mean sitting doing nothing. Heck, we don't even own a gaming system.

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Thu, 05-29-2003 - 1:49am
How is her child playing soccer in any way related to the overscheduling of children with multiple extra-curricular activities?

Just because you've lost the thread of the debate doesn't mean the rest of us have. Some of us actually understand that the choices aren't limited to either multiple organized sports or sitting home playing nintendo.

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Thu, 05-29-2003 - 1:52am
No, no, no, OTBM. You are confused. You went right back to your previous activity level after your ds was born. Opinion said so.
Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Thu, 05-29-2003 - 1:54am
Open mind? I'm thinking that phrase doesn't mean what you think it means.
Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Thu, 05-29-2003 - 2:00am
As usual, you don't know what you're talking about.

Gestational diabetes is caused by hormone changes during pregnancy, and is completely different from other forms of diabetes.

It's a shame you have such a low opinion of reading, since apparently you could use some work on your reading comprehension skills. sahwm said nothing about gd being a good thing, only that it's widely recognized that women with gd often lose weight during pregnancy, and it's not considered a problem.

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Thu, 05-29-2003 - 2:03am
Huh? I believe she was puking because she was pregnant, not to avoid obesity.

I know you think you're funny, but your posts aren't intelligent enough to be clever.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-29-2003 - 3:34am
There's a difference between saying "my kids are involved in a lot of different things because I don't know how to say no" and "my kids are involved in a lot of different things because I want them to be." If a parent doesn't *like* the fact that their kids are in so much but are finding it hard to set limits, then I'm happy to counsel that parent to get bigger shoes :)

I don't have any beef with parents who want to involve their kids in lots of activities. It doesn't work with us, in part because yes we have four children, and we couldn't afford it, but also because I think that balance is really important in everyone's life, and down time is as important as family meal time, as homework time, as structured activity time, as church time. There are only twenty four hours in a day, and with two working parents, we do the best we can, as do you, no doubt. I guess every family works out their own balance. This balance works well for us.

pax

Jane

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-29-2003 - 3:35am
It was a pretty good concert, not getting dinner notwithstanding LOL. The kids got a big buzz out of it, and it never ceases to amaze me how clever kids are :)

Dd who is five belongs to a youth clubby type thing at church, but that's about it. She hasn't really expressed an interest in much more. So far she thinks the best thing in the world to do is to blow bubbles off the front porch and play with the dog. I'm not overly fussed about it either, I have to say. She has a pretty cool life. The only thing I feel a *bit* guilty about is that I haven't taught her how to swim or got her into swimming lessons. That's more of a safety thing though.

The thing that I find hard is how things are scheduled more on weekends these days - I know it has to be that way to accomodate working parents (like me!) but it means that a delineated family time doesn't really exist. And it also means I haven't been to church in a month!!

pax

Jane

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-29-2003 - 3:54am
There are just so many factors though - for instance, my dd's choir won't allow spectators or parent involvement. It's a professional body and while parents are most welcome to pay the fees, sew the costumes and attend the concerts, actually being there with them is by invitation only, once a term. My eldest dd doesn't like me being there at her rehearsals for her music - she feels dreadfully self conscious. I don't know why, since she practices at home all the time and I often sit in her room and just listen to her play. Maybe if she messes up around her peers, she feels it more. Who knows! Neither of them are into sport much, and dd#2 who does that competitive aerobics stuff has all that happen during school hours. We certainly attend out of school hours stuff together for aerobics as well, but she prefers me to see the finished product - I'm banned from the backyard when she's practising!! LOL. So being with them *at* their activities isn't always possible.

The timing is difficult too. We've already missed a month's worth of church because of dd#1's orchestra rehearsals, and that's not something I want to repeat on a regular basis. Melbourne is the second most spread out city in the world, even though our population is tiny so the regional things are time consuming to get to, and while it might be great spending that time in the car chatting, it's hard on the little ones. It's also very difficult to be in two places at once! We are also strongly involved in community work that isn't centred on the kids - the kids participate in that.

Family meal times are very important to us. Dh works on weekends, so time spent all together in the one room doesn't happen often enough. Things that regularly interfere with our family meal times are out. Dh works in the evenings most weeknights, and given the hours he works, it's so important for the kids to have that touchpoint time at the end of the day with him.

The reality of our family life is quite different from the reality of yours. My girsl are getting what they need, and we're striking a great balance between encouraging their gifts and interests, and investing in time together as a family.

I don't understand why you think that if they aren't in something structured, then they are missing out. We go on holidays together, play together, learn together...we just don't pay for lessons or club memberships to do all of it, that's all.

pax

Jane

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-29-2003 - 4:05am
"Personally, I don't have a problem "connecting" with my kids."

Me neither! Which is, I guess, why our kids don't find it a trial to be around us and with us, rather than having to be involved in a structured activity. I don't understand why there is this apparent dichotomy being characterised here - parents like you and me, not wanting to schedule lots of activies, spoilsports and killjoys, and parents like Opinion, scheduling heaps and being apparently far more fun-loving and encouraging (!). Like all extremes, it bears no resemblance to reality. No doubt O123 can be a killjoy when she wants, along with the rest of us, skiing trips notwithstanding, and no doubt our kids have just as much fun as hers. Some people find fulfilment in structured activities, some people don't. Most of us achieve a happy medium. Personally, as a kid I was a homebody and was happy that way. Still am!

I want to know how, and I guess you do too, if my child is in the middle of a soccer game, she is more engaged with me than if we are playing a game of soccer together in the backyard with the dog? I don't understand how engaging their attention elsewhere = quality time with the kids. I don't have a problem with giving kids structured activities to do but like you, I don't think kids are missing out if their days aren't full of them. If our kids *were* an inconvenience, I reckon we'd be all too happy to book them into every activity we could manage!

pax

Jane

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