What makes a good parent?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2004
What makes a good parent?
542
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 5:18pm

I got to thinking.....what makes a parent a good parent vs a bad parent?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 5:49pm

I think the best person to decide if someone is a good parent is the children, once they are grown. Someone could have looked at my childhood and found a long list of things my mom could have done differently and better, but from my perspective she is an excellent mother. She was handed some pretty awful conditions in which to be a single mother, and she overcame all of them. I owe her endless gratitude and I thank my lucky stars I had a mom like her.

I often think of my stepkids mom as a bad parent. Really, she is as some might say, messed in the head. But I think my stepkids see it differently. I think they see she tries, she does best given her limited emotional wherewithal. Who knows how their perspective will change as they reach adulthood, but I think their perspective is valid either way.

Ok, so if I was really going to attempt to define it from an outsider perspective, I'd have to say a good parent is one who makes an effort to do his/her best most of the time. A good parent is one who loves his/her child, who pays attention to the child when the child needs it, shows love, caring and concern, helps reflect a positive sense of self to the child, and intends and spends time and energy considering how to help the child become a responsible, self supporting, decent human being. A good parent tries, and doesn't fall too far short of his/her parenting goals.

A bad parent is one who doesn't care, doesn't try very hard, reflects a negative sense of self to the child, may be neglectful, and/or abusive, does not provide emotional and financial support, and rather than making mostly positive contributions to the child's well being, most of the time thwarts, damages or inhibits the child's well being.

Say not, 'I have found the truth,' but rather, 'I have found a truth.' -Kahlil Gibran



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"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 7:49pm

i agree with HARMONY, the best and final judgement of good or bad parents come from the raised child(ren) who lived it, IMO, i am only capable of judging what type of parents i had, my kids in turn will have final say in what type of parents their dad adn i are and so on.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 10:02pm

Another vote for harmony's post. And I want to say that according to my adult children I was an awesome parent. Even Erica says so. so it's got to be true.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2004
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 10:28pm

I am so glad you brought up the perspective of the child.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 1:16am

That's why I think that it's the adult children who get to make that decision. Things that I thought that I got right and thought that the girls would agree with me turned out to be things that they either don't remember, aren't on their radar at all, or have a totally different perspective of the same event. Of course, that also means that each one has a different memory of the same event.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 6:39am
I am sure it is true. I think you have a that rare ability to put your kids first, and at the same time not forget yourself.

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Men can only be happy when they do not assume that the object of life is happiness.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 8:04am

My parents did the best they could and what they thought was best for us.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2004
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 9:26am

It sounds as though you have wonderful parents!


I try not to judge people.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2004
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 9:28am
My parents and I were just talking about the things I remember as a child.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 10:18am

Thank you. I really wasn't trying to show off or to make myself superior or anything. This thread just came right after talking to Angela. She's the one who used the word awesome. We talk about how the girls were raised, especially in the context of having Erica in the mix. And now that I have grandchildren, Joy, Erica, and I talk about how I arrived at the choices I made in raising them. And I have these same talks with my mom, both when I was raising the girls and now that we are both grandparents.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

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