What a night.. (sigh)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
What a night.. (sigh)
18
Thu, 05-15-2003 - 11:12am
Here's the story. The house we just bought is wonderful, and most of the neighbors are great. Across the street on one side, however, is another story. It is a Section 8 triplex, with a really nice Mexican family in one, and a relatively quiet couple in the second. The third though.. ugh. When we first moved in, there was a woman with her grown daughter, and god only knows how many others in and out, and drug deals going on constantly. Cars all night long. We tried all the normal routes of trying to take care of it, but what we ended up having to do is call the police every time we saw something until they got so annoyed they moved out. Which was great. And then the new people moved in. It's a lady with a 6 year old, and 18 month old and a tiny baby (not sure the age) and we thought "great, it will be nicer now" However, we were wrong. This woman cusses at her children *all day long*. I've ushered the 18 month old out of the middle of the road several times. Last night it came to a head, because the mother was out of control. The oldest ran away, I gather. (No wonder!) Anyways.. someone must have called the police before we even had a chance to, and they took her kids. We heard through the grapevine (from a couple of kids) that it was a lady *3 streets over* who could hear this woman screaming all the time too.

Anyways.. to the point. When there are mothers like this, fathers like this, people like this; who treat their children so horribly, don't you (collective) ever think that debating this kind of stuff is silly? I mean, who cares about work status, daycare, SAH, etc when there are children who have to suffer so much? And what can we do? It's not like the childrens services are so wonderful in this country. It makes me want to run out and be a foster parent. I guess this is kind of off topic, but it upset me so much, and where else to talk when we're upset? (chuckle) What do you all think?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-15-2003 - 11:24am
I grew up with my Godmother becausemy biological mother was unfit. So when I see this happening to children it really upsets me. There's really nothing an outsider can really do because if you call DFACS they'll get the child, place them in foster care and then the child will be shuffled from home to home to who knows what kind of family. Some families are true and love he children and some just take on foster kids to help pay the rent with the money the state sends them for having the child with them. I tink it's sad.

I'm going through a custody issue now with my dsd and hopefully we'll get her this time around. The courts are very much in favor of the mothers so it's very hard. You really have to prove her highly unfit.

But nowadays society hinders more than help. They say it's for the child's own good but I've known children to die in the hands of what the state says is for their good. Then they go "oops, I'm sorry we didn't believe you that the child was being abused". Opps won't help a dead innocent child.

All the situations are not to that extreme but some can be.

I really don't know what to tell you. All youcan do is try and report. Maybe contacting one of their family members to get involved so the child will at least have a family member to go to in case something goes down.

Tonya
Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 05-15-2003 - 11:30am
In answer to your question, <> *YES* I've maintained a long time, along with others on this board, that it's the *quality of the parenting* that matters, NOT the work status of mom.

I've not really gotten into this debate lately because I've realized it's just not worth it. I see what my cousin is going through with her 9 year old son who has Crohn's disease and complications from it. I hear what my friend's brother is going through after losing his 36 year old wife suddenly due to a massive heart attack. I see what other people are going through in their lives and this debate just does not rate up there with the really important things in life. Yeah, I still lurk and post here and there because I like the people for the most part, but I just don't really care about the issue anymore. Everyone's lives and personalities are so different, that you really can't judge how other people should conduct their lives as it pertains to this issue.

God, I hope your neighbor kids are okay. My heart goes out to them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 05-15-2003 - 11:30am
That's what I was struggling with for so long. I didn't want the poor girls to be split up, and shuffled around foster care, so I waited until I knew something worse was up than what I originally thought. At first, I thought she was just yelling at them.. which is bad enough, I know, but I couldn't figure out if being yelled at was worse than being split up. Last night I figred out she was beating them too, and that's the straw for me. I hope they don't split the girls up.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-15-2003 - 11:49am
My heart goes out to you. I hope something is done soon. I would really hate for something bad to happen to those children.

All you can do is pary for them and hope for the best.

I'll keep them in my prayers as well.

Tonya
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 05-15-2003 - 12:04pm
OT Crohn's disease: my brother has it. I feel for your cousin and her son. My brother had to go through a lot of surgeries, take a lot of medications, be on a special diet. It's wretched and the complications leading up to the surgeries are painful. On the plus side, my brother is in his 30s and the disease is under control with meds and diet. His intestines are quite a bit shorter than what he was born with, but he hasn't had surgery for years. Hopefully your cousin's son's case will ultimately be as liveable as my brother's.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-15-2003 - 12:52pm
It just makes you want to sit down and cry, doesn't it? I have a friend that is a kindgarten teacher and she says sometimes teaching just breaks her heart. She has had children come in with burn marks and bruises. All they can do is call DHS and hope and pray. For the past 3 years, she has had siblings and all of them have had cigarette burns on them. She calls DHS and nothing really happens. It makes you feel so powerless and helpless.

I wish I knew the answers. I always try to throw extra attention and love toward children I think are being neglected. I have come across children that I think are neglected emotionally but never phyisically abused.

I will pray for your neighborhood and the family.

Kristi

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2003
Thu, 05-15-2003 - 12:58pm
Uhhh,sounds awful.I am about to buy a fourplex and this is exactly why I wouldn't exept section 8. It's awful you buy a house to live in and have neighbors like that.If you ever run into the owner,mabybe mention it,although there isn't any laws against cussing at your kids...But yeah,it makes everything else seem kind of silly..
Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 05-15-2003 - 1:17pm
My cousin's son now has osteonecrosis (literal translation is "death of the bones") as a result of the steroids and blood loss he's had due to Crohn's. He's confined to a wheelchair for 6 months to keep him off his feet because the osteonecrosis is mainly in his ankles. They're weaning him off the steroids and may have to give him a temporary colostomy in order for his colon to heal. They did a total body bone scan yesterday to see if the osteonecrosis is anywhere else in his body besides his ankles.

My cousin has been through he** with her son. He's also had emotional problems which has been a nightmare to deal with as well. But my cousin is one of the sweetest, most calm people I've ever known. She's handling everything well. And she's an evil WOHM, too! LOL!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 05-15-2003 - 1:33pm
I think the important thing to remember in these debates is that moms who really don't care, and really aren't doing their best... aren't typically here debating that their way is best. Most of us are pretty passionate about our kids and our choices. Makes you want to be a little less judgemental of the other side.

-Deb

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Thu, 05-15-2003 - 3:37pm
Oohh, can I use this excuse to vent? DH & I were talking of this last night. My MIL is one of the most passive-aggressive people I've ever known, and I tie myself in knots trying to be neutral with her at all times, so that she doesn't get insulted and start seething. DH & I were discussing the new baby last night, and when it would be safe to tell. (We agreed that we will keep it a secret until after the CVS comes back.) Anyway, I told him that the only stress issue I am having with the whole pregnancy is the issue of his mother's reaction to the news. She intensely disapproves of people over 40 having children, and she's never been quiet about it. She also loves to throw my WOH status in my face every chance that she gets. Taken together, the 2 issues are pretty much guaranteed to have her making some remark that will needle me past the edge of endurance, and due to hormones, I don't have much of an edge right now; I have a hair-trigger temper when I'm pregnant. Of course, he knows that she will react badly, he is also dreading the scene she is sure to put him in the middle of.

Once a week, DH reads to kindies at a public school near his office. Whenever a child in a book does something naughty, and DH asks the children what they think is going to happen next, some of them invariably reply, "he's gonna get whupped!" I used to get the same response when I did storytime at the rural library I once managed. A local family court judge we know likes to say that he could have retired to the Caymans years ago if he had $5 for every parent who told him in all seriousness and in open court, that the proper discipline for a wayward child was to "whup him upside the head." The world around me is full of people who routinely treat their children with violence, open disdain, or a combination of the two.

I'll be the first to admit that I'm not WonderMom, but by comparison to people like that, I'm mother of the freaking year. I am so tired of my MIL and women like her implying that working FT (when I'm not forced to do it for financial survival) somehow equals not being a good mother. I just want to grab my MIL by the shoulders and shake her, as if that would drive some sense into her. My child is happy, healthy, and smart as a tack, he is not "suffering" for anything I have ever done or not done. I don't want to put DH into an even more difficult position than he is already in, but I swear, if he doesn't make it clear to his Mom that she needs to keep her opinions to herself on that topic, I'm going to lose it and verbally cut her to ribbons.

Whew! Thanks, I feel better now.

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