What would you change?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
What would you change?
28
Mon, 04-07-2008 - 1:27pm

I think most of us subscribe to the "whatever works" philosophy for the sah/woh "debate. We know that we live in a real world with real situations and what is "best" or "good enough" for one family may not work in another.

HOWEVER, if you could change things........

If you could change a few aspects of *your* circumstances, what would those be? And would it affect your sah/ptwoh/woh status or your partner's? What would happen? Would you be able to take several years off and be able to go back to your job? Would you and/or your spouse work part-time or reduced hours? Would your job be more "family friendly"? Would your available affordable local daycare center always be staffed with loving, caring, educated, potty training happy people? Would family be available? Would you hire Alice or Mary Poppins? Would you get 6 or 8 weeks of vacation every year?

Okay, that is enough about you.

Now, what would you change about the options/circumstances of what is around you? Daycare availability/affordability? Family friendly companies? More maternity/paternity leave? More vacation time? More accessible free family planning services?

Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 04-08-2008 - 6:52am
I'll give you a hint - it's NOT in the US LOL
"If gay Americans are not allowed to get married and have all the benefits that American citizens are entitled to by the Bill of Rights, they should get one hell of a tax break. That is my opinion,"

- Jeane "Dear Abby" Phillips, in an interview with Lisa Leff.

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Tue, 04-08-2008 - 7:18am

Sweden. I should perhaps clarify a bit: the minimum vacation time (6 weeks), access to daycare with a sliding scale fee, universal healthcare, leave for care of sick children and parental leave are all mandated by the government. So those aren't directly related to our jobs; everyone gets those benefits.

We have a fair bit of flexibility because of what we do (both scientists), and I work from home because I don't have a choice (my company is actually located in another country). Dh gets extra vacation, above the 6 week minimum, because of his position in his company (it was negotiated from the beginning). Other people have less flexibility in their jobs and get less vacation than dh. Those depend on the individual jobs and company.

Otoh, we do pay a fair bit in taxes ;-).

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2007
Tue, 04-08-2008 - 7:28am

Hmmmm...On one hand, if I could change anything about my work situation, I'd be able to work at home.

On the other hand, if I did that, I fear they'd learn how little time it takes me to do my job.

~~~~~~~~~

Kitty

~~~~~~~~~

Kitty

"BTW, I hate Lifetime. Their movies will suck you in and all of a sudden you've watched 3 in a row, used every tissue in t

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2007
Tue, 04-08-2008 - 7:47am

When thinking of all the possible places that they could live while reading her post, the US never once crossed my mind!!!

Lori

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Tue, 04-08-2008 - 8:00am

I would relocate my whole family to live where Laura lives.

Ok, in all seriousness, I don't think there is anything I would change. Perhaps I would have found a summer position after my first son was born so that my current job search was easier. Maybe have DH travel less.

Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 04-08-2008 - 8:20am

the things I'd change don't really relate to my job which I adore -- except that I"d get paid more LOL.

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2003
Tue, 04-08-2008 - 8:43am

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Tue, 04-08-2008 - 8:49am

"Sometimes though on days like today when being a single mom feels like it is taking every last ounce of joy and energy from my life I think that maybe just maybe I should let Liza live with her dad and Jess and live a normal heterosexual family life and I should just stop trying to be all that I'm trying to be. "

Remember her life might not be the "normal life" but it is her *normal*. Every family, *every*, has aspects of non-normalcy.

For what it is worth, there are days when being a married sahm sucks the last ounce of joy and energy from my life too.

"I feel like I fail her at every turn and my abilities to parent are astonishingly lacking. "

From what you post, I highly doubt that. There are some things children have to work out or work through for themselves. It is hard. She knows you love her. She knows that you are there for her. You can give her strategies to help her overcome her anxieties, but you can't wave a wand and make them go away.

There may come a time when she wants to live mostly with you or her father. I think that is normal. I know DH's cousins children came back and forth between their parents houses freely when they were in JH and HS.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Tue, 04-08-2008 - 9:08am

ITA.

And I would like to add that wrestling with the non-normalcy aspects of our lives and our families helps us come to terms with the non-normalcy aspects of ourselves. I think it helps children learn individuality, and personal values that are not dependent on the values or opinions of others. IMO, that is healthy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Tue, 04-08-2008 - 9:13am

>>Remember her life might not be the "normal life" but it is her *normal*. Every family, *every*, has aspects of non-normalcy <<


beautifully said.