What would you change?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
What would you change?
Mon, 04-07-2008 - 1:27pm

I think most of us subscribe to the "whatever works" philosophy for the sah/woh "debate. We know that we live in a real world with real situations and what is "best" or "good enough" for one family may not work in another.

HOWEVER, if you could change things........

If you could change a few aspects of *your* circumstances, what would those be? And would it affect your sah/ptwoh/woh status or your partner's? What would happen? Would you be able to take several years off and be able to go back to your job? Would you and/or your spouse work part-time or reduced hours? Would your job be more "family friendly"? Would your available affordable local daycare center always be staffed with loving, caring, educated, potty training happy people? Would family be available? Would you hire Alice or Mary Poppins? Would you get 6 or 8 weeks of vacation every year?

Okay, that is enough about you.

Now, what would you change about the options/circumstances of what is around you? Daycare availability/affordability? Family friendly companies? More maternity/paternity leave? More vacation time? More accessible free family planning services?


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2007
Mon, 04-14-2008 - 9:38am

I am actually happy with my current living/working situation.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Mon, 04-14-2008 - 6:30am
I agree, it depends on where you work. DH gets 5 weeks annual leave- he has had it from the get go. He also gets two weeks of medical leave that he can use for family medical leave (which he uses when he visits his mother). I keep waiting for them to consolidate it into PTO. They added a month of paid parental leave (maternity/paternity) after we had our children, but it is there now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2003
Sun, 04-13-2008 - 11:58pm

Absolutely nothing. I am a stay at home Mom and was a stay at home wife 4 years before having our Daughter so I have not worked outside the home for over 10 years now. I love it, my husband loves it, and I also homeschool. It works for everyone in our family.

Trish :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2008
Sun, 04-13-2008 - 7:14pm
I would not work or work part time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Sun, 04-13-2008 - 5:06pm
I'd like it if I were a full-time faculty member. The hours actually away from home would still be only part-time, but I could make a substantially larger dent in my student loan debt. As soon as that's paid off, we can get a house.
Renaissance Siggy


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Sun, 04-13-2008 - 2:01am

If you could change a few aspects of *your* circumstances, what would those be?....

I would have had Dylan be closer in age to his sisters. Not only would he have siblings his own age but we would be empty nesters by now. I also would have enjoyed homeschooling Dylan but it wouldn't have been in his best interests.

Now, what would you change about the options/circumstances of what is around you?...

I wish that both dh and I could have the same job situations but with more money. Neither one of which will ever happen. He works for a non-profit which gets it's money from the government, fundraising, and donations. And with the rising cost of everyting, raises come last. I could make more money but would have to leave the bridal shop and we would have to move. I value the family atmosphere of where I work and the flexability way too much to do that. Besides, we would have to move away from extended family and we aren't willing to do that either.


The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2001
Sat, 04-12-2008 - 9:02pm
I would change...I would like to have enough money to afford a slightly bigger house with a garage, and for someone to clean it for me.
Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-11-2008 - 12:12am

Honestly would be afraid to change our circumstances. Its not perfect, but it works really well for us. I'm averaging about a night away on business a week, and DH is a SAHP. I couldnt do what I do and feel good about it without him doing what he does and I think visa versa. So I'm happy with where we are. Very.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Tue, 04-08-2008 - 9:13am

>>Remember her life might not be the "normal life" but it is her *normal*. Every family, *every*, has aspects of non-normalcy <<

beautifully said.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Tue, 04-08-2008 - 9:08am


And I would like to add that wrestling with the non-normalcy aspects of our lives and our families helps us come to terms with the non-normalcy aspects of ourselves. I think it helps children learn individuality, and personal values that are not dependent on the values or opinions of others. IMO, that is healthy.