What would you give up to stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
What would you give up to stay home?
1422
Sat, 08-05-2006 - 8:36am

Hi everyone.

I have always said that staying home is so important to me that I would give up many things to be able to do that. We live in a very small home, I have no jewelry and we buy all our clothes at Walmart. I know that if I went back to work, we could afford more. But I would never trade being at home for a larger house or more luxuries.

However, after reading this board I have started to suspect that there are things I would not want to give up. If I couldn't send my kids to preschool a couple of hours a day, if I couldn't afford any after school activities like ballet lessons or if I could'nt afford any kind of summer program for them, I think I would have to find a way to go back to work. So basically, I'm perfectly happy to deny myself "things." But I would not want to take much away from the kids.

Of course I would probably have to find a new career becuase I could never work the 80 hours a week my old career entailed.

Lilypie Baby Ticker

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 12:47pm
I wouldn't either. But it is a really nice perk.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 1:08pm

So are you saving $206 per month per child?


Assuming you have a 5 year old child now, assuming you have $10,000 already saved, assuming a $10,000 current cost of a year of college and a seven percent rate of return on your investments, you need to be saving $206 per month to have that $93,000 plus saved to cover 4 years of tuition, room and board.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 1:20pm
Actually I just spoke to my DH uncle to find out exactly where we are with college funds. The $10K I listed included room and board. We put in $100 per month into their college fund. My mother and father, and my DH mother and father both put in $1000 every Christmas (per child) into their college fund. We also put in $1000 of our tax refund into their account. So they are getting about $4200 per year into their account.


Edited 8/8/2006 1:22 pm ET by mbanc17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2005
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 1:58pm

"I wouldn't SAH to increase my DH's earning potential."

As far as I know, no research has been done on whether SAHD's increase WOHM's earning potential, but I would think a good SAHD would have the same effect on a working wife's earning potential, depending of course on her field.

Would you allow DH to SAH if it increased your earning potential, assuming he were suited for that position? If I had made as much as my husband and he wanted to clean, cook, garden, keep up with the finances, and care for DS during the day, I would certainly have been willing to consider letting him SAH, which even as a teacher would have increased my earning potential (teaching conferences or writing curriculum in the summer, taking on a position such as department chair, etc.).

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 3:10pm

Ah, good to know you're on track.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 3:16pm
We don't "allow" each other to do anything, as we're both adults.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2005
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 3:38pm

"We don't 'allow' each other to do anything, as we're both adults."

Probably a poor choice of words on my part, although DH and I practice mutual submission, which works for us. We recognize that as adults, we can do whatever we want; however, we respect the other's wishes WRT the choices we make. If I'm tired at the end of the day and he wants to go out after work with his friends (or vice versa), I can say I prefer him to go another time and he respects my wishes. The opposite of this is a marriage where neither partner submits (or bends, if you prefer) to the other's will at any time, and the end result is probably divorce or a marriage of convenience.

Since it would take one partner working to support the SAHP, yes, both partners would have to authorize, allow, permit, whatever word you want to use, the SAH to make the situation work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 3:40pm

According to US News and World report UNC is around $11k for tuition and R&B and UVA is around $13.5k for tuition and R&B. 2006 Yes, UVA costs more, but surely cannot be considered to be "very high" in comparison.

http://www.usnews.com/usnews/edu/college/rankings/rankindex_brief.php Here is the link if you want to look up other universities.

Plus, we locked into rates when they were $20k for 4 years. We have a pretty good deal going with the prepaid tuition program in VA.

We shouldn't be saving to cover the tuition costs *today* we should be saving to cover the tuition costs when our children will be in college.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 4:46pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 5:45pm

Another reason for the higher divorce rates in dual woh families is that the mother is less likely to sah if she thinks her marriage is shakey. Or that a parent in a stable marriage is more likely to sah for a time.

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