What would you give up to stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
What would you give up to stay home?
1422
Sat, 08-05-2006 - 8:36am

Hi everyone.

I have always said that staying home is so important to me that I would give up many things to be able to do that. We live in a very small home, I have no jewelry and we buy all our clothes at Walmart. I know that if I went back to work, we could afford more. But I would never trade being at home for a larger house or more luxuries.

However, after reading this board I have started to suspect that there are things I would not want to give up. If I couldn't send my kids to preschool a couple of hours a day, if I couldn't afford any after school activities like ballet lessons or if I could'nt afford any kind of summer program for them, I think I would have to find a way to go back to work. So basically, I'm perfectly happy to deny myself "things." But I would not want to take much away from the kids.

Of course I would probably have to find a new career becuase I could never work the 80 hours a week my old career entailed.

Lilypie Baby Ticker

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 9:22pm
More likely they'll walk away because their wives don't pull their weight. I always find it amazing that women who couldn't handle working and children suddenly can when their dh's leave. Then they don't seem to have a problem holding down a job.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 9:34pm

<<>>

So when men leave a marriage it is a woman's fault? Really?

<<>>

Lots of women still can't handle raising children as a single parent and working. Something has to give. Unfortunately since she has no choice but to work the children usually lose out.

<<>>

Then what suffers? The only thing left, the children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 9:38pm
Are you actually saying that SAHMs don't pull their weight? Is this what you meant to say?
Lilypie Baby Ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 9:39pm
And that wives are responsible for their DH leaving them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 9:56pm

I don't need anything other than income. That is more than enough benefit from WOH to make WOH worth it all by itself.

But since you asked, I model self sufficiency and non traditional gender roles for my dd's. Because my dd's see me actually using my education, they are likely to view education as more important. It's not if they'll go to college around here, it's when and what they'll study. To them it is normal for a woman to have an education and to use it. I model work ethic and teach my dd's how to balance work and family so they'll know how when it's their turn (they are more likely to work than women are today). Most importantly, I'm teaching my dd's to take care of themselves and their futures and to always be prepared to support themselves. My youngest has already started saving for retirement, lol. She decided if starting young was good, than starting really young is even better, lol. We'll see if that manages to stay in the bank when she gets that first car.

Honestly, the pride my dd's have in what I do would be enough without the income. They are very proud that their mom has a successful career that is non-traditional. They seem to be growing up with the silly idea that they can do anything as a result. It's one thing to tell a girl she can be anything, it's another to show her how to achieve the balance that makes it possible. I come from a family of WOHM's and we have dd's who are reaching for the stars. Well, mine aren't there yet but, so far, with the exception of the dd's of one of the SAHM's (there are two), all of our dd's are going to or are planning to go to college.

If you don't need the income from a job, you can go one farther. Donate that paycheck to charity and teach your children through your actions how to be very charitable. I'm sure whatever charity you choose would be quit happy with the arrangement.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 9:59pm

wow, are u saying you think that men leave their SAH wives because they "don't pull their weight"? Thats a pretty narrow point of view. I am sure there are many, many more realistic reasons why marriages end in divorce. And usually both the man and woman contribute to the problems that cause the break up of the marriage.

And, most SAHMs can handle both working and children. They just chose not to do it. They would rather not send their kids to daycare. For them, its a better option to stay home. Its what works best for them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 10:07pm

The things that I gave up to stay home were actually things that were costing us more by me working at the time.

Heather

 

 

 

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 10:07pm

If we're going to claim our choices are better than we do need to validate them (justify them). Otherwise, the choice is neither here nor there and not worth debating as in the title of this board.

I know WOH is a good choice because of the benefit my income brings to my family and because I am a strong role model for my dd's. They are learning, from me, how to balance career and family and be succsessful at both.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 10:09pm

There are more fathers working to support their kids than mothers.

Deadbeat dads are irresponsible adults. Just like deadbeat mothers.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 10:12pm
I have to ask. What will you do if one or both of your girls comes to you and says, Mom, I am pregnant and DH and I have decided that I will no longer work and I will become a SAHM? Will you be supportive or will you insult her decision with a lot of reasons why SAH is not worth the loss of income?

Pages