What would you give up to stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
What would you give up to stay home?
1422
Sat, 08-05-2006 - 8:36am

Hi everyone.

I have always said that staying home is so important to me that I would give up many things to be able to do that. We live in a very small home, I have no jewelry and we buy all our clothes at Walmart. I know that if I went back to work, we could afford more. But I would never trade being at home for a larger house or more luxuries.

However, after reading this board I have started to suspect that there are things I would not want to give up. If I couldn't send my kids to preschool a couple of hours a day, if I couldn't afford any after school activities like ballet lessons or if I could'nt afford any kind of summer program for them, I think I would have to find a way to go back to work. So basically, I'm perfectly happy to deny myself "things." But I would not want to take much away from the kids.

Of course I would probably have to find a new career becuase I could never work the 80 hours a week my old career entailed.

Lilypie Baby Ticker

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 11:05pm

But I thought SAH or WOH didn't really make a difference

Lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 11:05pm

<<>>

Why are your girls proud that you outearn their dad? Why does that matter?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 11:06pm
So money must be more important than being happy with who you are and what you do
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 11:07pm

<<>>

That is about as silly as a SAHM saying that the dd's of SAHM feel that their mothers love them more because their mom's SAH. Where is the hurl icon?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 11:09pm
I am guessing so. What I find funny is that she says it isn't a competition when I told her that maybe I made more money at my job and maybe will have much more money in my retirement than she will. Yet her DD are so proud uh immensely proud that she makes more money than their dad. Me thinks me sees competition here.


Edited 8/8/2006 11:10 pm ET by mbanc17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2005
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 11:23pm

"My dd's are immensly proud of the fact I'm an engineer and that I out earn their dad"

So what is their attitude toward their dad? Is he worth less in their eyes? And is the fact they even know how much you or he makes setting them up to prepare for a career based solely on its financial benefits?

As someone who "gave up" a major in business for one I actually enjoyed, English lit, I think your emphasis on income is excessive. Teaching high school was not a lucrative career, but I considered every day spent in the classroom a contribution to the community, and a year after quitting I am still rewarded with e-mails from students telling me about their progress in high school, college, or career.

I hope you are raising your DD's to be independent-minded enough to risk losing your approval to choose the paths most rewarding to them--but given the values you are instilling in them, you probably can rest easy knowing they will choose majors and careers that allow them to out earn their DH's, even if they aren't particularly happy in their fields. Or better yet, they will realize that a marriage and children are only detrimental to their financial security and remain single and childless.

Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 11:52pm

Don't you have anything in your life that causes you no regrets?"

Sure, perhaps I worded it wrong. Essentially what I'm trying to say is that almost every major life decision has +'s and -'s. She seems to be saying there are no -
s to SAH. Similarly KBM's view is to the other, unbelievable to me, extreme. No -'s to WOHM. Regret may be too strong a word but I don't buy the totally rosey, always best pov on either side of the debate.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2004
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 11:52pm

<>

Are you such a MWHOM that you truly don't see that some women simply don't care about any of this at the expense of their children's happiness in the early years? Not all of us have bought into the "ideal" of "he/she who has the most at the end, wins". I, for one, truly believe that living your whole life with the almighty dollar as the governing force a pretty sad way to live.

Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 11:53pm
Good for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 12:01am

"The issue isn't people who save first and then take time off. It's the ones who don't save, have no plan and no idea what they are up against. It's like some people think there is a protective halo around a SAHM. Until the future gets here, as my SIL has discovered."

Poor financial planning for the future is not limited to SAHMs. Lots of WOH parents spend way over their limits, get in debt and end up way worse off then single income families.

Its just being dumb with money if you cant plan and save. Wether you SAH, or WOH and blow it all on *stuff*. Some people just are no good with money. I don't think its limited to SAHMs - And I am not saying that that is what you are saying, but I just think those families who dont plan for the future if they decided on SAHM would probably be pretty bad with money even if both parents worked. Heck, they may even find a way to put themselves in debt. "the more you make, the more you spend" type attitude.

So, yes, I see what you are saying. But do I think its a SAH thing? No, I see it more as a "these people suck at financial planning" type thing.

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