What would you give up to stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
What would you give up to stay home?
1422
Sat, 08-05-2006 - 8:36am

Hi everyone.

I have always said that staying home is so important to me that I would give up many things to be able to do that. We live in a very small home, I have no jewelry and we buy all our clothes at Walmart. I know that if I went back to work, we could afford more. But I would never trade being at home for a larger house or more luxuries.

However, after reading this board I have started to suspect that there are things I would not want to give up. If I couldn't send my kids to preschool a couple of hours a day, if I couldn't afford any after school activities like ballet lessons or if I could'nt afford any kind of summer program for them, I think I would have to find a way to go back to work. So basically, I'm perfectly happy to deny myself "things." But I would not want to take much away from the kids.

Of course I would probably have to find a new career becuase I could never work the 80 hours a week my old career entailed.

Lilypie Baby Ticker

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 8:51am

What are you laughing about? She made a valid point.

That's the problem with these "research studies." They give you the average - the bottom line. There is no accounting for individual results, which makes all the difference in the world. The boys acting out more for WOHs would be important for me, as I only have boys. I could use this study to back up SAH since it shows boys act out less, lol. But, I have enough sense to think for myself and not rely on research studies that in the end are only used to push individual agendas anyway.

I would never base the decision to SAH or WOH on a study such as the ones you cited.

They should all have caveats: "Individual results WILL vary."

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 9:06am

**It would not surprise me in the least to find that the benefit here is limited to dd's of career moms.**

Oh, give me a break. That is such hogwash. Show me a kid who doesn't go around talking about "What they're going to be when they grow up."

How in the world are you going to handle it if - GASP - one of your DDs decides to SAH? That is possible you know, no matter how much brainwashing you do.

By the way, you have said repeatedly that little we do makes a difference in the way children turn out, so why are you now arguing that your WOH DOES affect your children?? If you don't answer any of the other questions, please at least respond to this one. (I say that because I've asked you several times why you said would SAH if you had the money if you thought it didn't accomplish anything, but you've never answered me.)

BTW, does your success make your DH proud? How does it make him feel when you and your DDs go around bragging that you make more $$ than he does?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 9:12am

LOL. I noticed that too.

She said earlier: "Little we do makes a difference in the way our children turn out."

I guess that only applies to SAHs. Not to CAREER women, who OUT-EARN their DHs and whose DDs are IMMENSELy proud of them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 9:18am

I agree.

At about the same time Dr. Harvey's study came out, another researcher released one (I think his name is Belsky or something like that). He used a similar study group that Harvey used. Yet, his study was slammed because it showed there are negative effects of daycare.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 9:28am
Too funny!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 9:39am

We have been dealing with infertility issues and I am not sure we will be able to have a second. So our first child may also have to be our last child. So 5-10 years is what I am looking at right now. That may or may not change if we can ever be lucky enough to have another.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 10:47am

Just curious,

What kind of masters did your mom get? What kind of business did she open?

Lilypie Baby Ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 10:52am
Assuming your commute time is 0, if you work a 60 hour week you only have about 52 hours left unless you want to count time spent sleeping.
Lilypie Baby Ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 11:04am

Add to that the time spent getting ready for work, running errands, cooking and housework, etc. and it makes even more of a difference.

I've WOH and I conceded that I had way less time with my child than a SAH did. That's the reason I wanted to SAH.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 11:26am
You're right.

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