What would you give up to stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
What would you give up to stay home?
1422
Sat, 08-05-2006 - 8:36am

Hi everyone.

I have always said that staying home is so important to me that I would give up many things to be able to do that. We live in a very small home, I have no jewelry and we buy all our clothes at Walmart. I know that if I went back to work, we could afford more. But I would never trade being at home for a larger house or more luxuries.

However, after reading this board I have started to suspect that there are things I would not want to give up. If I couldn't send my kids to preschool a couple of hours a day, if I couldn't afford any after school activities like ballet lessons or if I could'nt afford any kind of summer program for them, I think I would have to find a way to go back to work. So basically, I'm perfectly happy to deny myself "things." But I would not want to take much away from the kids.

Of course I would probably have to find a new career becuase I could never work the 80 hours a week my old career entailed.

Lilypie Baby Ticker

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 11:29am
I liked it when I used to outearn my DH.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 11:31am

Not all WOHMs work "at the expense of their childrens' happiness in the early years," though.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 11:32am

My mom was a nurse before she had us. After taking 10 years off the be a SAHM, she went back to school and did a bachelors degree in languages and a Masters in linguistics (specialty in medical translation- spanish, french and english). So that took about 5-6 years. She did work part time as a nurse (occupational health medicine) while in school. Then when she finished (actually while she was doing her masters) she started her own medical translation business. We live in Canada so everything is bilingual (french and english). She had plenty of work and still gets offers to do translation to this day. She was highly specialized and that really worked for her. But now she is retired and enjoying life!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 11:32am

Well, being self-employed (on contract) the banks wont look at us for a mortgage. We have to have several years under our belt before they would even consider giving us a mortgage. I wasn't ready to wait that many years for kids. I doubt that a 2 year old and 3 month old will really notice we do not own. We can give them more now than if we bought 3 years ago, before they were born. There is no way we could have afforded a place with such a large yard.

Ive had people (not on this board) tell me that I'm crazy for not buying, that I'm 'wasting' money by renting. When in fact I'm saving more now than if I bought (especially in this crappy market) and I'm able to provide my kids with more play yard, and still save for a house in the future. These same people look at me as if somehow I'm a lesser citizen for not owning, and that really bugs me. "Oh you do not own - there must be something wrong with you" kind of look.

Plus the way I see it, we're better off saving for a house we want, instead of just buying what we can afford and end up with a sub-standard house that needs a lot of work and might be too old and run down and be trapped in that house.




Edited 8/9/2006 11:33 am ET by sunkistmom22
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 11:34am

I mean able bodied when they laid the plan that their children would support and take care of them. My kids won't have to take care of me. I've seen to that. It would not be fair of me, as an able bodied adult, to lay my life out so that they would have to take care of me.

And no, kids aren't free to say no when mom plans it this way. My best friend is in this position. Her mom made no provision for her own care when she was old so now my friend has to play mommy to her mom at the expense of having her own family. She has to support and care for her mom which leaves her no time for dating or a family of her own. IMO, that's a pretty sucky thing to do to your own child.

Her mom could have worked when she was able and set up her own retirement. Instead, she planned on someone else supporting her. That someone else is now my friend because her dh died leaving her to live on half of his social security and 65% of his pension which isn't enough with her medical issues.

I think it really stinks for adults to just figure their kids will take care of them. No, kids aren't free to just say no. They feel pressured to do it even if they don't want to out of guilt. This not the life my friend chose. The one she wanted included a family of her own. How to work that in when she has to work and take care of mom is an issue.

I have to admit she's a very adult person to be able to give up her own dreams because her mom needs support and care. However, she's a very sad person too. Her life is over because mom never planned for anything other than someone else taking care of her. Now that someone is her. Her brothers and sisters are too busy supporting and caring for their own families to help much. So the burden falls to her to keep a roof over her moms head, make sure she has the medciations and medical treatments she needs and is taken care of. Her mom isn't far from needing a nursing home but there's no money for that.

I really feel badly for her. It's just not right to put your children in such a position. She would have made a great mom. Next year, she celebrates, or should I say will mourn, turning 40. Pretty much the end of any chance of having a family with the passing of her 30's. She's been caring for and supporting her mom for over a decade now. Not at all the life she would have chosen.




Edited 8/9/2006 11:36 am ET by kbmammm
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 11:34am

"Early retirement sounds nice, in theory, but IMO, not financially sound (Unless you have a kickass job or retirement fund - some do)"


Knock, knock - yes, this is what some of

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 11:39am
I find with DWP's it can be either leaving for many reasons. Working wives have more options to not stay in bad marriages.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 11:40am
Some don't. I've known several men who walked because they were sick of supporting wives who didn't. Their wives seemed to think they were entitled once they had kids.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 11:42am
Yes and no. You see most SAHM's don't think past the SAH years. It's evident by savings rates. How many SAHM's do you know who made sure they were financially secure before SAH? I know many who are currently SAH on a shoe string budget or doing disgusting things like collecting welfare and WIC in order to SAH. No plan at all there. Just wing it any way you can.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 11:44am
My point is that someone who has poor financial planning shouldn't be quitting their job. It's one thing to have a bad financial situation when you've done all you can to avoid one but quite another to have one when you chose to quit instead of working to make it better.

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