What would you give up to stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
What would you give up to stay home?
1422
Sat, 08-05-2006 - 8:36am

Hi everyone.

I have always said that staying home is so important to me that I would give up many things to be able to do that. We live in a very small home, I have no jewelry and we buy all our clothes at Walmart. I know that if I went back to work, we could afford more. But I would never trade being at home for a larger house or more luxuries.

However, after reading this board I have started to suspect that there are things I would not want to give up. If I couldn't send my kids to preschool a couple of hours a day, if I couldn't afford any after school activities like ballet lessons or if I could'nt afford any kind of summer program for them, I think I would have to find a way to go back to work. So basically, I'm perfectly happy to deny myself "things." But I would not want to take much away from the kids.

Of course I would probably have to find a new career becuase I could never work the 80 hours a week my old career entailed.

Lilypie Baby Ticker

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 12:03pm

My dh stayed home for 6 months also when ds was a baby. At that time I made more then him and so the positives of him being at home were greater.

I agree, we also feel its important to have a SAHP. Right now its me because dh now makes the same as I what I was making and his company has a pension plan that matches every dollar he contributes. Plus he gets every second friday off and a nice bonus every year.

Nothing is perfect, but this is the best for us.

How long has your dh been home? does he like it? what did he do for a living and what do you do? what prompted your decision to have him stay home and you work?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 12:10pm
Oh please. Children do NOT always emulate what their parents do. If you think you they always do, you might just be in for a huge shock one day.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 12:10pm
Oh please..what garbage.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 12:13pm
It must be said again. You seem to only know the most dysfunctional people that exist. Your sister is a shell, your friend gave up her entire life to care for her mom, and now you know many women that do disgusting things like use WIC to SAH on a shoestring budget. Do you know anyone that has a normal life?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 12:15pm

Its her opinion, not garbage.

(BTW, I also disagree with her but won't call her opinion "garbage" - just different then mine)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 12:22pm
To say that working mothers have more options to leave a bad marriage is garbage. She didn't say it was her opinion she stated it as fact. If she would have said I think Working mothers or working parents have more options to leave a bad marriage then that would be an opinion. But to say <<>> Is garbage.
Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 12:31pm

How long has your dh been home?"

We let our nanny go in May of this year so he's been the full time SAHP since then. Before that he was also at home but studying about 30 hours a week for an actuarial designation (which he aquired).

" does he like it?"

Yes he does.

" what did he do for a living and what do you do?"

He was a highly succesful derivatives / trader / investment banker. "Retired" ten years ago. I'm a partner in a global executive search firm. Work from home 2 or 3 days a week when not traveling, and from my office 2 days. I do CEO search for technology companies.

what prompted your decision to have him stay home and you work?"

Money. I make low 7 figures on a good year, high 6 on a bad. And the ability to take my "game" up a notch and then in a few years have the flexibility to do projects I'd like to do on my own.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 12:38pm

OK - I guess *I* just prefer to try and not use the word "garbage" in reference to someones "idea, opinion or statement" on a particular topic. Sorry, you can do what you want, its a free country! LOL

I mean, I totally agree with you. The statement is not what I believe happens in most cases. I think most women in todays society leave a marriage that is bad, because we have been educated to know the things we should and should not tolerate.

But I can see a *tiny* bit of her point in extreme cases where a woman who has never been educated, has no work experience and has many children to feed and support - well, might she not stay? If that same woman had a job (or had had one in the past, or had an education) - she might be more willing to leave???? I know its an extreme scenario, but my moms friend is still with her alcoholic husband because she didnt finish high school, had 5 kids, and no work experience and told my mom she felt "trapped". Is her decision to stay because of her SAH status or just because that is the type of person she is?? Does she have a predispostion or lack of self esteem to cause her to get in this situation in the first place OR is it the situation itself that has caused her to have a lack of self esteem or "balls" to leave? I dont know? What do u think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 12:39pm

Wow, that sounds like a pretty good set up!

Good for you!

Josee

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 12:39pm

I honestly don't understand your friend's dilema. If its ok to put kids in daycare, why isn't it ok for mom to go to a nursing home so your friend can have a life? I don't know if you are in the U.S. but here, if you have no money, then Medicaid will pick up the tab. This is what happend to my Grandfather when he developed Altzheimers.

From what I hear, other countries are far better at caring for the elderly then we are here in the U.S. So what is wrong with your friend? Why doesn't she avail herself of some governmental help and get on with her life?

Lilypie Baby Ticker

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