What would you give up to stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
What would you give up to stay home?
1422
Sat, 08-05-2006 - 8:36am

Hi everyone.

I have always said that staying home is so important to me that I would give up many things to be able to do that. We live in a very small home, I have no jewelry and we buy all our clothes at Walmart. I know that if I went back to work, we could afford more. But I would never trade being at home for a larger house or more luxuries.

However, after reading this board I have started to suspect that there are things I would not want to give up. If I couldn't send my kids to preschool a couple of hours a day, if I couldn't afford any after school activities like ballet lessons or if I could'nt afford any kind of summer program for them, I think I would have to find a way to go back to work. So basically, I'm perfectly happy to deny myself "things." But I would not want to take much away from the kids.

Of course I would probably have to find a new career becuase I could never work the 80 hours a week my old career entailed.

Lilypie Baby Ticker

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 12:40pm
I think on that same extreme scale look at a mother that has a receptionist job, or is a waitress. She doesn't make enough money to leave a marriage. My personal opinion is that when there are DWOHP that is because both incomes are needed to make ends meet. I don't think that dual WOHP are in it to be wealthy, but need both incomes to support their families.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 12:43pm
These men had wives at home who were caring for their homes and raising their children and the reason they left is becuase they wanted a wife with income? That just doesn't make any sense at all. These men you are speaking of are aparantly gold diggers who are looking for a spouse with money? They would rip apart the family, tear their kids from a parent, put them through the hell of a divorce so they can go out and find a woman with more money? Considering that these men will probably now be paying alimony and childcare, I can't even believe the decision makes any economic sense. How unbelievablly stupid.
Lilypie Baby Ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 12:47pm

See and I sometimes wonder if my moms friend had, lets say a receptionist job, would things have turned out differently? Even though the income would not have been great, would she have had more confidence that she could make ends meet and left? On the other hand maybe she is just the type of person who is dealing with many self esteem issues (from her past?) and would have stayed regardless of her work status. That is also totally likely. I guess we will never know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 12:48pm
Doesnt really make sense to me either.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 12:52pm
Why did you share with your kids that you outearn their dad? How is that something they even should know?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 1:06pm

Sometimes the acorn leaps far away from the tree in a very deliberate attempt to grow in a completely different section of the forest. Sometimes the acorn falls near the tree but there's an earthquake and the acorn finds itself in a completely different forest with completely different growth conditions. IOW, some kids follow in their parents' footesteps for better or worse, some are extremely reactive and choose a life path as pointedly different from one or both parents as they possibly can and some kids choose a life path that is completely different because their adult circumstances are so different from their parents' that they can't use their parents' lives as a default blueprint.

Furthermore, the aphorism "the acorn doesn't fall far from the tree" is not referring to life paths so much as it's referring to attitudes. (And even then it's only true sometimes- as all aphorisms are only true sometimes).

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 1:08pm

When I was a kid I knew what salary range my parents were in. They never told me, but kids have this way of finding out stuff ("little pitchers have big ears", or some saying like that,LOL).

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 1:37pm
Are you just being contentious? Surely you understand that this research gives the bottom line - the average? It in no way accounts for individuality. To do a study and say that the negatives and positives balance out PROVES NOTHING. There are variables to every situation. You are pointing out the positives of the study, yet ignoring the negatives because it bolsters your argument. If I wanted to, I could focus on the negatives to try to prove that SAH is better. But, someone would call me on it, which is what we have done to you. Why don't you just admit that there are positives and negatives to SAH and WOH and that each household has to decide for itself what is best for their situation?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 2:13pm
I agree with her statement that working mothers *in general - not every case* have an easier time with divorce than sah mothers. OF course there are *some* sah mothers who would be better off than *some* woh mothers. BUT *overall* woh mothers have an edge in cases of divorce. Having your income means you have some resrouces and replenishable resources. Being a sah mom, means you have one more thing to do while going through the extruciating year of divorce- find a job. Finding a job is one of the top 5 most stressful things (divorce is another). Not haviong apaid employment during dirvce means that you are at the whim of your soon to bex. He would have much more power over you to get you to agree to less than good terms of your divorce.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 2:14pm

Most SAHMs are poor planners? Where you you get off saying that? You seem to know a lot about other people's finanes. Personally I feel that bringing up afew "real life" cases to support a viewpoint adds little to the debate. I know 3 WOHM personally who have very little money, work long hours and would do just about anything to SAH. Do I think they represent all or even MOST WOHM? Nah...

Can you provide a link to the "savings rates" that show it's only the families with a SAHP doing poorly? Do you think a family with a SAHP simply spends more than a DWOH family? Because the data I've seen only has DWOP outearning A WOHP/SAHP by about 10%. How do you reconcile that with your theory of SAH = not financially secure.

Color me confused but I thought that a good household income was a good household income, whther it comes from 1 parent or 2....

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