What would you give up to stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
What would you give up to stay home?
1422
Sat, 08-05-2006 - 8:36am

Hi everyone.

I have always said that staying home is so important to me that I would give up many things to be able to do that. We live in a very small home, I have no jewelry and we buy all our clothes at Walmart. I know that if I went back to work, we could afford more. But I would never trade being at home for a larger house or more luxuries.

However, after reading this board I have started to suspect that there are things I would not want to give up. If I couldn't send my kids to preschool a couple of hours a day, if I couldn't afford any after school activities like ballet lessons or if I could'nt afford any kind of summer program for them, I think I would have to find a way to go back to work. So basically, I'm perfectly happy to deny myself "things." But I would not want to take much away from the kids.

Of course I would probably have to find a new career becuase I could never work the 80 hours a week my old career entailed.

Lilypie Baby Ticker

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 4:54pm

that sounds like a great idea.

nice area you live in! Lucky you. Summers must be really nice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 4:54pm
That is fine. Me personally I don't see any need to compete with my DH in any aspect of our marriage.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 5:02pm
To me, the word "regret" means that you would do things differently if you had a time machine. That you made the wrong decision and would undo it if you could, That's rather a different animal than acknowledging pros and cons to a particular decision.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 5:09pm

I think some healthy competition is ok (but I, like you, dont feel the need). But I also think if taken too far it can destroy a marriage.

Dh and i work more as a team, not a competition. When he does well, we all do well and vise versa

(but like i said earlier a tiny little bit of me did think it was pretty cool when I made more then him - lol!)




Edited 8/9/2006 5:10 pm ET by noah2004
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 6:04pm
Would you have considered working more hours, up to full time, if your household income would be 150,000 instead of, say, $75,000?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 6:10pm

We thought about it. If I worked full time, at my current hourly rate, I could easily make 80 to 100 k a year. But I'm totally fine with postponing that another 3 or 4 years until DD #2 is a little older. I really want to stay home for the first few years, I enjoy it. DH might want to cut his hours back if I do that so we dont have to use daycare that often or not at all. We are able to put money away now so I am not in a rush to go back FT at the moment. When I do go back FT we will be able to save money for a large downpayment on a house so we can reduce our monthly payments. But again, we're fine with waiting 5 or 6 years to buy a house... Cause then we can get what we want, and not just what we can afford.

P.S. Oh ya, with both of us making 40k, we end up paying less in taxes than if I made 80k alone... so that is a motivating factor for now. But later with both of us working, we will be able to save plenty to pay the extra taxes.




Edited 8/9/2006 6:13 pm ET by sunkistmom22
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 6:38pm

As far as I know this is the only long term difference. It's not much IMO considering the differences in the lifestyles. Besides, just because they can measure something doesn't mean it's of great importance. Having one thing (well two if you consider that ds's of WM's consider women more equal to men) turn out different based on years of differences in practices is pretty minimal unless that something is something you care about an awful lot.

BTW, there are measurable differences at snap shots in time. In fact, there's a permanent, measureable, difference in vocabulary but it's not enough to result in any differences in our children's lives.

For most of us WM's, the real difference in WOH or SAH is in what our income provides and how that benefits our families. That, IMO, overshadows everything else.

Do you honestly consider a measureable difference in self esteem something significant? I figure if it were a major difference, it wouldn't get the minor mention it does. It's usually stated as an add on in a list of other benefits of mom working.

Personally, I think my dd's will take both education and career more seriously than if I had SAH not because I hold a job but rather because they've grown up with a mother modeling the benefits of having a career. I don't think it's that I work anywhere near as much as it is my attitude towards work and women working.

OTOH, as I've stated elsewhere, the true value in research isn't in changing what we do but in telling us what to look out for. IMO, they have yet to come up with anything significant enough that you'd say there's a real difference between the two choices once income is negated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 6:45pm

No, they just think more of me. It's kind of a "My mom must be REALLY smart" thing. I think they think of their dad like anyone elses dad. Honestly, I don't know that kids compare dad's incomes. My dd's peers do compare their mother's incomes. But they're girls. They're trying to figure out their place in life and our examples are important to them.

Dd#1 has a friend whose mother also out earns her dad. She says, proudly, that that makes her mom the boss. Having a mom who has financial power has a powerful impact on girls from what I can see.

My kids have never been taught that men are supposed to be bread winners so there is no reason to think negatively about my out earning their dad. It's not like dad is working the cash register at 7-11 for minimum wage. He earns a good living too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 6:48pm

Um, do you consider this a lot?

What does little mean to you?

It's actually incorrect to say there are no differences but, really, there might as well be. There are only two I know of that last into adulthood and they are dd's self esteem boost and ds's view of women as more equal to men. However, as with all stats, we don't know the real impact of this or the real reason. As I stated above, I believe this probably has far more to do with moms attitude towards education and career than that she actually works. It just happens that we act on what we believe so our actions are likely to mirror our beliefs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 6:50pm
Good grief. I never said it applies to individuals. I said it's a wash and it is. You get a plus in one column and a minus in the other either way you go. Stats speak only to odds. I didn't mention it because I didn't consider it important enough to warrant mention. Why do you think it is?

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