What would you give up to stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
What would you give up to stay home?
1422
Sat, 08-05-2006 - 8:36am

Hi everyone.

I have always said that staying home is so important to me that I would give up many things to be able to do that. We live in a very small home, I have no jewelry and we buy all our clothes at Walmart. I know that if I went back to work, we could afford more. But I would never trade being at home for a larger house or more luxuries.

However, after reading this board I have started to suspect that there are things I would not want to give up. If I couldn't send my kids to preschool a couple of hours a day, if I couldn't afford any after school activities like ballet lessons or if I could'nt afford any kind of summer program for them, I think I would have to find a way to go back to work. So basically, I'm perfectly happy to deny myself "things." But I would not want to take much away from the kids.

Of course I would probably have to find a new career becuase I could never work the 80 hours a week my old career entailed.

Lilypie Baby Ticker

Pages

Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 6:53pm

Yes agree. And I think that almost everyone would do *some* things differently if they had the benefit of a time machine. That said, I have no regrets around my parenting so far. But my kids are only 3:) I've got plenty of time to screw up...

MM

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 7:00pm

Why shouldn't my kids know our family income? They also know what I have in savings. Dd#2 is quick to point out that I haven't saved nearly enough for retirement, lol. She doesn't get present/future value yet, lol. I've used my accounts to show compounding of interest and what it does.

What purpose would hiding our finances serve? I knew what my parents earned too. I used to forge my father's signiture on his checks when he forgot to sign them. I did a better job of it than mom, lol. (I'm not very bright. It never dawned on me that if the bank would accept my forging his signature, the school would too, lol.) I see no reason to have secrets from my kids regarding my finances.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 7:00pm
Not what I said.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 7:17pm

Nursing homes aren't cheap. She can't afford to put her mom in one. Her mom needs her income to put a roof over her head. The little her mom gets from her portion of her late hushand's pension and social security goes to pay for her anti rejection medications and other medical supplies.

What government help is she supposed to avail herself too? Medicaid? They are strict about when they will pay for nursing home care. Besides, her mom is on anti rejection drugs. I'm not sure a nursing home would be a smart idea. Their home has to be spotless and sanitized at all times. When you visit, you take your shoes off outside and wash up as soon as you're inside. I don't think a nursing home could provide the sterile environement she needs. I have no idea why it's so strict but I know little about organ transplants. It's been a tough row to hoe.

I really do wish my friend could find some happiness. I don't see that happening though. She's not going to toss her mom out on the street and I don't blame her. I wouldn't put my parents out either. It's just unfortunate that her mom didn't plan for anything but being taken care of.

What bugs me about the situation is her moms attitude echos others here. That she SAH with her kids so now they owe her. Her mom considers this payback and doesn't care what it costs my friend. She's owed being taken care of for all the years she took care of her kids. Of course there will be no one to take care of my friend when it's her turn. She, unfortunately, has the same condition her mother does and will herself, someday, need a liver transplant. Only she has no dd to donate the liver either, as her mom did, so I guess she's just screwed any way you look at it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 7:24pm

Depends on how much you sleep, doesn't it? Still, is 52 hours something to sneeze at? That's more time with your kids than the average day care provider whom we are informed raises our kids has their charges. If 40 hours a week spent in day care is a lot why isn't 52 hours spent with parents?

Honestly, 52 hours a week is more than I spend activly on my kids. When they were babies, they spent 40 waking hours a week in day care and about 44 waking hours with us. Now that they're older, they are awake more but now they have friends. There are days I'm lucky to see them, lol. Whether 52 hours is enough would really depend on which 52 hours you have.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 7:25pm
And sometimes parents overlap shifts. But, parenting isn't an hours game. It's not about face time. It never has been. T
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 7:27pm
I'm talking people in general. We do tend to appreciate what is in limited supply more than that which we have an over abundance of. I find it odd that someone's perception of time off doesn't change with more/less of it. I know mine does.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 7:32pm

I don't know if they wanted their wives to work or not. I just know they felt their wives were not pulling their weight and they were tired of it. We'll see who they remarry. If the second wife WOH, then we'll know.

However, maybe they didn't want a wife at home taking care of the family. Maybe they thought day care is just fine and a second income would be beneficial. SAH is only one way to make sure a family is cared for. So it's not someting dad needs to appreciate. Chilren are raised and homes cared for just as well by DWP's.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 7:33pm
Me. Though I'm not wealthy, darn it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 7:38pm
Then why do you think the added income from having DWOHP is enough to offset any negatives? If once parent earns enough,then how is the added income still always a positive?

Pages