What would you give up to stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
What would you give up to stay home?
1422
Sat, 08-05-2006 - 8:36am

Hi everyone.

I have always said that staying home is so important to me that I would give up many things to be able to do that. We live in a very small home, I have no jewelry and we buy all our clothes at Walmart. I know that if I went back to work, we could afford more. But I would never trade being at home for a larger house or more luxuries.

However, after reading this board I have started to suspect that there are things I would not want to give up. If I couldn't send my kids to preschool a couple of hours a day, if I couldn't afford any after school activities like ballet lessons or if I could'nt afford any kind of summer program for them, I think I would have to find a way to go back to work. So basically, I'm perfectly happy to deny myself "things." But I would not want to take much away from the kids.

Of course I would probably have to find a new career becuase I could never work the 80 hours a week my old career entailed.

Lilypie Baby Ticker

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 7:41pm
Well, I've known a few men who left for just that reason. Men don't seem to apporeciate a SAHM nearly as much as the women who SAH think they do. You really should hear the way some of the men I work with talk about their SAHW's. I have yet to hear a DWP dh make a negative remark about what their wives to. I get the impression that SAH grows old after a while for men. Few actually seem to actually want a SAHW. Many will tolerate it but I think they get tired of it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 7:42pm
Discussing who I might know, not know and speculating about them adds nothing to the debate and is rather Jr. Highish. You have no reason or authority to speculate on people I know. If there is something you'd like to know about the people I know, you can ask me. I am, after all, the only person here who can answer the question.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 7:46pm

Try looking in the census data for starters.

Logically, you have more to save if you actually have an income to save from. Given that SAH families earn less, on average than DWP families, they have less to start with. (sorry dont' remember the actual difference but it's in the census data $17,000 comes to mind). It's simple math really.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 7:52pm

I know too many ex SAHM's who are in a bad way now and there are a lot of women over 50 living in poverty these days. I'd like to see that number go down for the next generation. You almost can't blame women that old today because they grew up with the idea marriage was for life. We know that's not the case anymore. Divorce happens and when it does, your finances are impacted.

I don't know the percentage of SAHM's who don't plan but I know a lot of SAHM's who boast about all the financial sacrifices they make to SAH. From using WIC to simply doing without. I would say they fit in the poor planner category. Looking at the median incomes for SAH famlies (census data), a lot of them could end up in a world of hurt. They are not living off of investment income from all that they saved before they quit working. The numbers just aren't there. (I'm not digging through the census data but I believe the average WM adds $17,000 to her family's income and the median income for a SAH family is in the 30k's. If that's the case, there are a lot of SAHM's on a shoe string budget.

This is all just food for thought. Things to be considered before they become issues.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 7:55pm

Won't be secretary, that's a dying profession.

Why would I care what my dd's profession is as long as they are capable of supporting themselves and any children they bring into the world?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 7:55pm
But your children don't see the past. They only see now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 8:01pm

Just for comparison sake, my dd is at a state school in Michigan. Her tuition, room and board, and books run about $14,000 per year.

Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 8:03pm

Yes we are adults and when we choose to bring children into this world we are obligated to manage whatever it takes to support them/care for them. We are, however, not obligated to bring children into a situation where their care would be compromised by external demands like a very sick grandmother and her needs.

Adults take care of the children they have whatever that means and pay their bills whatever that means. In my friends case, she already is the equivalent of a single parent and her mother is her child only worse than a child. She demands a lot more time than kids do. I'm impressed by how well my friend handles what is demanded of her but I understand her decision to not bring children into this mess. She's handling what she has on her plate now and I'm sure she'd manage if she did have kids but I think she wants more than just to manage and with her mother in the picture, she can't have that.

BTW, I consider it cruel of anyone to suggest that my friend did this to herself. She is not to blame and certainly is not to be criticized. She is now handling far more than most adults are and handling it well. She's to be faulted for not being wiling/able/whatever to handle way more than is ever asked of most adults? I don't think so.

This is rude, cruel, heartless, out of line and shows a general lack of appreciation for what it takes to take care of an ailing senior. I think my friend has done remarkably well with what has been handed to her. She has way more on her plate than the average WM with a full time job already. Why she's to be told she should do more is beyond me. She doesn't have to do more. She's already living up to her responsiblities and then some.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 8:04pm

<<>>

My mother didn't go to college and she works full time and has since I was born. She also earns a substantial amount of money. I on the other hand went to college, worked for YEARS, and then SAH. Go figure.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 8:05pm

What does working or not working have to do with children's happiness? And since when do we make adult decisions based on our children's happiness? Mine would choose ice cream for lunch and cake for dinner. That would make them very happy. It ain't happining but it would make them very happy.

Working is not at the expense of our children's happiness by any means.

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