What would you give up to stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
What would you give up to stay home?
1422
Sat, 08-05-2006 - 8:36am

Hi everyone.

I have always said that staying home is so important to me that I would give up many things to be able to do that. We live in a very small home, I have no jewelry and we buy all our clothes at Walmart. I know that if I went back to work, we could afford more. But I would never trade being at home for a larger house or more luxuries.

However, after reading this board I have started to suspect that there are things I would not want to give up. If I couldn't send my kids to preschool a couple of hours a day, if I couldn't afford any after school activities like ballet lessons or if I could'nt afford any kind of summer program for them, I think I would have to find a way to go back to work. So basically, I'm perfectly happy to deny myself "things." But I would not want to take much away from the kids.

Of course I would probably have to find a new career becuase I could never work the 80 hours a week my old career entailed.

Lilypie Baby Ticker

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 8:06pm
Not what I said. Please don't put words in my mouth. I said it's all I'd need to validate my choice. Not all I have. It is simply enough in of itself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 8:08pm
Wow, these people you know have flown over into the work place. Where do you live? I never want to live there. I have never in my life heard such dysfunction.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 8:21pm

Ok then... why do you have nothing positive to say about SAHM's you know IRL? Are you this disdainful to them in person?

I'm sure everyone here has stories both positive and negative about SAHM and WOHM they know. Why are your stories that include SAHM's (and their spouses who barely tolerate them) all doom and gloom?

I personaly think *that* adds nothing to the debate and find it rather humorous.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 8:43pm
No. She's not screwed. She's jchosen this path. If she actually wanted to get married, she would. But "can't get married, have to take care of mom" provides a convenient excuse. If she actually wanted to get married, she would do so despite having a sick mom. People get married all the time when their parents are sick. Married couples take care of aging parents or sick parents. Not everybody wants to get married and that's ok. But saying "can't get married- mom's too sick" is just a cop-out for somebody who won't admit that she prefers being single.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 8:55pm

When my grandfather was in a similar position to your friend's mom, my dad hired a private nurse to look after him. He did this because he had several kids and therefore didn't have the time to fly across several states to administer medicine. I don't criticize your friend for taking care of her mother when her mother is sick. It's what my own dad did by hiring a private nurse. But I stand by calling it a cop out to blame her mother for the fact that she's single (if in fact she's actually done this- that could just be your projection). People with sick parents get married and have kids all the time. People who are ALREADY married with kids deal with their own sick parents. Having a sick parent is not a deal breaker to having spouse and kids of one's own.

edited to add; on a more compassionate note, there are probably support groups for people dealing with sick parents. If your friend doesn't date because she doesn't think she can find a man who would understand this responsibility, a support group would be a good thing to join. There, she would be statistically more likely to meet an understanding man- or meet somebody who would introduce her to an understanding man and she could date w/o fear that "sick mom" would make him break up with her.




Edited 8/9/2006 9:00 pm ET by susannahk2000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 9:00pm

So does that mean that people who don't make a lot of money are not REALLY smart? Well tell that to all the teachers and professors and pretty much anyone on the public payroll. I work in the public sector and will probably never outearn my dh, who works in the private sector. I guess that makes dh REALLY smart and me just so so.

Susan

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2005
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 9:01pm

"if you consider that ds's of WM's consider women more equal to men"

I must have missed the link for this one--was this in the Harvey study as well? I find this statement extremely surprising based on my own observations. My teenage students who had SAHM's were extremely respectful of me and my position as their teacher, so I would be more inclined to believe either there wasn't a difference in how DS's of WM's vs. SAHM's considered women, or just the opposite, that DS's with SAHM's (at least in the early years) would perceive women as more powerful, since their mothers would be their authority figure during most of their waking hours. I'm inclined to believe it depends on the mother, working or not, and if you have found research with this conclusion I would certainly suggest you look closely into the researchers' agenda.

I mean, first we were saying there was no difference between children of SAHP's v. WOHP's, then we were asserting that DD's benefited from a WOHM and DS's acted out more when mom WOH, so it was a wash, and now we're saying SAH is detrimental for both boys and girls?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 9:07pm
Authority or not, I'll speculate on the people you know. I find it unlikely that every SAHM is as awful as you claim. You seem to know a LOT of SAHMS. Or rather- to know of them by the people who are being slowly destroyed by them. I find it pretty hard to believe that every SAHM you know by one degree of separation is the soul-sucking mess of dysfunction portrayed on these boards. My speculation is that some of them are quite a bit more decent than you give them credit for.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2006
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 9:22pm
I don't recall saying that I was defined by what I did for a living...maybe if you would be so kind you can find the exact post and paste it please?

Wake me gently
If you can
Wake me gently
Just touch my hand
Wake me gently
Pull my sleeve
'Cuz where I'm at
Is where I wanna leave

"Wake Me Gently" Alice Cooper

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 9:27pm

I know what you mean. Must really get old. Yeah, those poor men who have to come home to a home-cooked meal at night. Makes life SOOO hard for them to have someone at home doing the bulk of childcare, cooking and housework.

Just think about all those lucky men who have WOH wives not only making more than them, but rubbing it in their faces by telling their kids it's a source of pride. I can just imagine what that does for their self-esteem. I wonder why they tolerate it, because I'm sure it gets old.

You are really starting to crack me up, because it's getting more and more obvious that you are just throwing out bait at this point.

Oh, and maybe you should slow down and think carefully about what you type because you've contradicted yourself several times already.

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