What would you give up to stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
What would you give up to stay home?
1422
Sat, 08-05-2006 - 8:36am

Hi everyone.

I have always said that staying home is so important to me that I would give up many things to be able to do that. We live in a very small home, I have no jewelry and we buy all our clothes at Walmart. I know that if I went back to work, we could afford more. But I would never trade being at home for a larger house or more luxuries.

However, after reading this board I have started to suspect that there are things I would not want to give up. If I couldn't send my kids to preschool a couple of hours a day, if I couldn't afford any after school activities like ballet lessons or if I could'nt afford any kind of summer program for them, I think I would have to find a way to go back to work. So basically, I'm perfectly happy to deny myself "things." But I would not want to take much away from the kids.

Of course I would probably have to find a new career becuase I could never work the 80 hours a week my old career entailed.

Lilypie Baby Ticker

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 9:38pm

Well, goshdarnit, why did you even bring up the study? What was the point of it if it's not applicable to anyone?

I personally don't think the study itself is important enough to mention but I'm not the one who used it to blast the SAHMs. You cited it dozens of times to try to show that the mother's working status doesn't affect children and that SAH was a waste of time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 9:47pm
What in the world is that supposed to mean?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 9:52pm

Why in the world would you tell your kids that you outearn their dad and encourage them to be proud of that??

Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 9:57pm

I have not been cruel or heartless to you friend. I know that it's harder to take care of an adult than a child.

But YOU are the one who said that adults need to step up the plate WHATEVER happens and suck it up. Not me.

You've been hurling insults towards SAHMs left and right. Telling them they're wasting their time, their DHs don't appreciate them, their kids don't respect them, etc. That's very different than debate. That's getting personal, you know it and I think you enjoy the reaction your getting. Now someone hit a nerve with you now. Doesn't feel too good, does it?

I wish the best for your friend. I think it's admirable that she's been willing and able to take care of her mother. Not too many left these days would do that and I think she's honoring her mother by doing so.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 10:04pm

"And since when do we make adult decisions based on our children's happiness? Mine would choose ice cream for lunch and cake for dinner."

First of all, there is a difference between happiness and pleasure. Ice cream for dinner might make them happy for the moment but not happy in the long run.

Secondly, I feel for your children, as their happiness aparantly means so little to you. In our family, we make decisions based on the family's happiness. My children are part of the family and their happiness is a crucial element in our decision making. Its not dispositive, but it definately weighs heavily.

Lilypie Baby Ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 10:07pm

**I mean, first we were saying there was no difference between children of SAHP's v. WOHP's, then we were asserting that DD's benefited from a WOHM and DS's acted out more when mom WOH, so it was a wash, and now we're saying SAH is detrimental for both boys and girls?**

It's getting more confusing by the minute, isn't it?

I've been a WOH and now SAH. Must be really confusing for my kids because when I worked, they were supposed to "act out" and now that I SAH, they're not. And, I guess it's a good thing we don't have girls because when I WOH, they would have respected me, but now that I SAH, they wouldn't.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 10:11pm
Even if she decides to SAH?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 10:30pm

I attended a conference a few years ago and one of the speakers presented a discussion about "score-keeping marriages", not something I would be comfortable with. He was working with a couple who actually had a notebook with little tic marks for everything from taking out the trash to sexual performance. I feel that my marriage is a team effort. If I feel the need to compete with someone I'll join a bowling league, lol!

Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 11:16pm

"Men don't seem to apporeciate a SAHM nearly as much as the women who SAH think they do."

That's how you interpret it. A lot of the guys I used to work with were very content that their wives stayed home. I remember when I quit to stay home, two of the scientists I worked with said they thought I was doing a good thing and that they, themselves, were very grateful for their wives being home with their kids.

"You really should hear the way some of the men I work with talk about their SAHW's."

Sounds like they have nice, healthy relationships. Not all men are like this. You can't generalize that men dont appreciate their SAH wives because of the comments of a few guys you work with. Seriously, where do u work? I have worked in many, many male dominated work places and never have I heard men be so negative towards their wives. You must work with a bunch of unhappily married people.

"Few actually seem to actually want a SAHW."

Some families thing a SAHM is good and the men obviously agree because it was a decision made "as a family".

"Many will tolerate it but I think they get tired of it."

some men may, but many, many others seem to like it just fine - that is why the family makes the decision to have the mom stay at home.




Edited 8/9/2006 11:41 pm ET by noah2004
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 11:24pm

What?

I was a child once and I can still "see my past". Memories.

Kids can see more then just "now". I was just talking to my friend's 12 year old daughter and she was recalling how we took her to a parade when she was 6 and saying how "cool" she thought it was.

Maybe kids dont remember all the details, but they can remember parts of their past. Its part of the foundation that makes them into the adults they later become.

(Maybe i just misunderstood what u are trying to say???, can u clarify)

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