What would you give up to stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
What would you give up to stay home?
1422
Sat, 08-05-2006 - 8:36am

Hi everyone.

I have always said that staying home is so important to me that I would give up many things to be able to do that. We live in a very small home, I have no jewelry and we buy all our clothes at Walmart. I know that if I went back to work, we could afford more. But I would never trade being at home for a larger house or more luxuries.

However, after reading this board I have started to suspect that there are things I would not want to give up. If I couldn't send my kids to preschool a couple of hours a day, if I couldn't afford any after school activities like ballet lessons or if I could'nt afford any kind of summer program for them, I think I would have to find a way to go back to work. So basically, I'm perfectly happy to deny myself "things." But I would not want to take much away from the kids.

Of course I would probably have to find a new career becuase I could never work the 80 hours a week my old career entailed.

Lilypie Baby Ticker

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 6:33am
Children don't see what you did before they got here. They see what you did after they got here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 6:38am

I get a kick out of it too. It's just nice. Though I wouldn't mind trying it the other way around for a while if that didn't involve my income going down ;o).

Three are three of us in the family who out earn our dh's and a few BIL's who are jealous of that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2006
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 6:46am

<<"Paris Hilton has financial power; that doesn't make her a positive role model for women">> I think she is.

Wake me gently
If you can
Wake me gently
Just touch my hand
Wake me gently
Pull my sleeve
'Cuz where I'm at
Is where I wanna leave

"Wake Me Gently" Alice Cooper

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2006
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 7:09am

Really? I thought you asserted that only a career mom,working from birth can provide positive benefits to her DD's self esteem. Now you say the DD's wont have even seem mom's past... so how exactly does this mean a SAH who RTW later cant achieve the same bennies as a career mom?

I am perplexed!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 7:32am

"DD#1 has a friend whose mother also outearns her dad. She says, proudly, that that makes her mom the boss. Having a mom who has financial power has a powerful impact on girls from what I can see."

And here we come to the huge downside of beaming when girls express pride that mom outearns dad. This girl has learned the dubious lesson that whoever makes the higher salary is "the boss". I don't know how she came to this conclusion, but it's a very shaky foundation on which to build adult relationships. Unless she drops this attitude by adulthood (one can hope) she will both feel entitled to bossiness if/when she is the bigger earner or feel like a worthless loser if/when she earns less. And it's going to be one or the other because it's the rare couple who both make the exact same salary.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 8:34am

Why, yes, I do. They're basically useless when it comes down to making important life decisions. Again, you are the one using the research to back up your assertions that SAH is a waste of time. Yet, when people challenge you on it, you claim it's not relevant to their individual situation (which I agree with).

You used the right icon with that post - you are confused.




Edited 8/10/2006 10:13 am ET by puppy_dog_tails
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 8:37am
My sister used to work with a group of engineers. Her immediate boss ENCOURAGED her to SAH. Even gave her ideas on how to do it. KB certainly has an *interesting* group of people around her, that's for sure.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 8:46am

LOL. You mean they can't see outside the womb? Well, that'a real eye-opener.

I suppose you are talking about my reference that I worked 20 years before I quit. You are correct - my kids didn't experience my WOH years (except for the last 3). So what? That doesn't mean I quit functioning as a productive member of society after I quit WOH. I now spend my time with them, which, in a child's world, is WAY more important than their mom going off to work. When they're older, they probably won't care.

But, just because they didn't see me WOH doesn't mean they won't reap the benefits. I built up a nice savings and retirement fund over that period of time and one day they might see it in inheritance (if we don't spend it all first ;)).

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 8:58am

You need to pay attention. This is how it works: the children of career WOH provide positive role models fir their children. The childre of SAH moms don't remember their childhood. The male child of WOHs act out. The femaile chidren of WOHs don't act out. The male children of SAHs are well-behaved and respect women more. The female children of SAHs act out. Men of WOH value their relationship more and are less likely to leave their wives. Men of SAHM tolerate their wives, but eventually get tired of them not pulling their weight, so they leave them. The children of WOHMs think their mother is really smart. The children of SAHMs don't appreciate their moms because, after all, there was this research study by Dr. Harvey that determined that mom's working status doesn't affect the children. But, that research study does not apply to us as individuals. It can only be used to point out the negatives of SAH.

Got it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 9:00am
Great post.

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