What would you give up to stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
What would you give up to stay home?
1422
Sat, 08-05-2006 - 8:36am

Hi everyone.

I have always said that staying home is so important to me that I would give up many things to be able to do that. We live in a very small home, I have no jewelry and we buy all our clothes at Walmart. I know that if I went back to work, we could afford more. But I would never trade being at home for a larger house or more luxuries.

However, after reading this board I have started to suspect that there are things I would not want to give up. If I couldn't send my kids to preschool a couple of hours a day, if I couldn't afford any after school activities like ballet lessons or if I could'nt afford any kind of summer program for them, I think I would have to find a way to go back to work. So basically, I'm perfectly happy to deny myself "things." But I would not want to take much away from the kids.

Of course I would probably have to find a new career becuase I could never work the 80 hours a week my old career entailed.

Lilypie Baby Ticker

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 8:54pm

I can see where it would be.

Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2005
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 9:10pm

"And, actually I know several dozen SAHM's through the moms group at my church and my dd's schools and most haven't even considered their futures."

Perhaps the moms from church have faith in Jesus' words in Matthew 6: "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven. . . Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" :)

Christian consolation aside, I have to agree with other posters that your discussion of SAHM's you know is not persuasive. Considering recent research stating that the average American only has 3 close friends, I find it highly unlikely that you've been able to poll 24 or more SAHM's about their retirement accounts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 9:22pm

I said nothing about one being better than the other. I think its a personal choice best made within each family, and I would not presume to judge others based on work status.

Your posts dont just talk about one being better than the other-your bias against sahps is very very clear, and always has been. That has nothing to do with research. Its just a prejudice.

You also seem to be under the assumption that anyone who is a sah will always be one, and will never have any earning power. I think one can be a sah for a period of time, while still planning for their future. My stint as a sahp did not hurt me or my family financially at all-we are in fact better off now than we've ever been. I credit having that time to re-evaluate my career and future as a big part of the level of success we have today.




Edited 8/10/2006 9:31 pm ET by djknappsak

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2006
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 10:53pm
Actually it is HER financial power, albeit via trust fund but it is STILL her's.

Wake me gently
If you can
Wake me gently
Just touch my hand
Wake me gently
Pull my sleeve
'Cuz where I'm at
Is where I wanna leave

"Wake Me Gently" Alice Cooper

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 10:57pm
I didnt' say the whole family was like that, but she seems intent on letting the public think she is... but this is a silly debate, cause she can do what she wants with her life. I just have no interest in watching it ("The Simple Life") , and I do not have to respect her for her rediculous act on TV.
Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 11:52pm

There are a few people on this board who don't think there is anything positive. I was asked what was "valuable" about spending the first 14 months of my kids lives with them full time. Honestly, I don't even know how to relate to someone who would *ask* that question!

MM

Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 12:02am

Logically, you have more to save if you actually have an income to save from. Given that SAH families earn less, on average than DWP families, they have less to start with."

Bull hooey. Much of the census data is skewed by single mom families. Which sadly are the worst off financially. And honestly there is more to the equation than the finances. Most people posting here, if not almost all, are well above the poverty line. They can actually *afford* to have a SAHP. Your issue is you don't see the value in SAHP'ng, period. So why not just drop the subterfuge and call a "spade a spade?"

MM

Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 12:08am
Off topic, I know how you feel. It took us years and years to concieve our twins. We are about to embark on our second full IVF/ICSI but have no idea if it will work. I think that experience is in part, why SAH is imperative, vs. important for us. We knew we wanted to have a SAHP going into this, but after the roller coaster that was getting pregnant, and having our children, it upped the "anty" so to speak. I can totally see where you are coming from.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 12:22am

Someone as familiar with statistics and research as you should easily be able to see the fallacy of your argument.

You argue that research shows that SAH/WOH makes no difference in how kids turn out, and therefore it makes no difference which is chosen. Even if one were to accept as true that research shows no difference, would that mean that there was no difference for each and every child in the study? Of course not. You know that. If you were to look at the data, you would see a bell curve of data points: some showing no difference, most showing slight difference, some showing more significant difference one way or the other. The net effect might well be no statistically significant difference, but the effect for a particular child might be far different.

So of course the heart has to figure into it. Parents know their children. They know what will be a better fit for their children. They also know what will be a better fit for their families. To say that "SAH won't make a difference" is just silly. Of course it will for some.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 1:02am
i think there are certainly positives to sah, but i think most of them are positives for the mom or even the family as a whole, but i havent seen one positive of sah that influences only the kids. and i havent seen any positives to sah that are inherent to sah, but may be to the specific person/family. while it is great you sah for 14 months it doesnt mean anything other than you enjoyed it. and to say you cant relate to someone who wouldnt find value in that seems to imply you are putting the pleasure you got out of sah for that time up on some pedastal. i have sah with my youngest for 37 months so far and i have gotten no more value out of it than i got when i woh for that same time period with my first. i think that is where i come from - i think sah is a great choice, which is why it is one i have made, but i dont see that it has value in regards to my parenting or my children. for it to have value i would have to see that it somehow made a difference and i just havent seen that. with that said, i love sah, and wouldnt trade it for the world but it is just a choice, no better or worse, that works for our family right now.
Jennie

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